Adoption Exchanges

Question: Why is the birthmother not abiding by the semi-open adoption agreement? We agreed to a semi-open adoption, where we would exchange letters/cards/pictures a couple of times a year. The birthmother has received numerous letters and pictures from us over the past couple of years. However, we have yet to hear from her even once. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or pressured, but I want to have something to show our child in a few years. I don't want to stop sending things, because that may make her feel like we no longer want to get anything back. What should we do?

Answer: Without knowing her I can only guess that she is finding this very hard and the longer it goes on without her contacting you the harder it will be for her. Also without knowing what you write it's hard to suggest ideas. So working blind on this persevere as she hasn't said she doesn't want to hear from you and maybe gently tell her it would be lovely to receive a 'newsy' letter from her. Hope this helps a bit.

Question: Do you believe that step parent adoption, is the most unnecessary form of adoption? It seems like the main reason for step parent adoption is to alienate one parent. Usually the child is already cared for and nothing changes, other then the exchanging of parental rights. Of the cases I know, fathers adopt their new spouses child(ren) to pass as his own and save her reputation or so they can force the other father out of the child life. I don't think I've known personally of a case where it was done for the sake of the child. My feelings are still unclear on this topic. What do you think?

Answer: Not always. Sometimes, children are adopted by step parents in order for the children to be able to receive the step parents' insurance. But this, like any adoption agreement, does have to be considered carefully, and should be done ONLY with the child's best interests in mind (i.e., I can see very few instances where setting a child up with a false birth certificate is warranted when they already have a loving family). But you're certainly right that getting back at Daddy seems to be a common reason for step parent adoption, which is a truly horrible thing to do to a child. Take away their Daddy, talk smack about the giver of half the child's genes, then wipe away the child's identity on top of it. To my mind, there should always be a compelling reason for adoption - it should never be done for frivolous reasons.

Question: Why have I seen such negative views of adoption in here? I am a birthmom and I think adoption is wonderful IF done for the RIGHT reasons. But you hear so many people come through Answers and ridicule young women who are thinking about placing their unborn child ("You make it, you keep it." and "If you don't want the responsibility, get an abortion"). While I know there are agencies and lawyers who are unethical and co-erce expectant moms, fail to properly inform the expectant father, and lie to prospective adoptive parents, what of those who do everything right? What about those of us who KNEW we were in no way capable of caring for a child, no matter how much we loved them? What about those couples who could not have babies of their own and are overjoyed when the expectant mother picks them? No money is exchanged. Just lots of tears and hugs and happiness. My little girl is three months old. I just recently got a pic. I have never seen such a happy and healthy little girl. They love her as much as I love her. Heaven L- What exactly does "A Child Called It" have to do with this? I have read the book. It was about a poor little boy who was horribly abused by his NATURAL mother. I am sorry you do not agree with adoption. But what would you prefer? The mother struggle with a child she cannot care for or handle and then eventually do something stupid? I was MARRIED to this baby's father and he is also the father of my four year old daughter. We split up, he took off, and I am struggling to support one child and there was no way I could emotionally handle an infant. Don't be so quick to judge unless you've been in the shoes of those you crucify. Yes, there needs to be better parenting resources for the natural fathers. There are a lot of women who lie about the baby's father in order to place without a fight from him. I wish my children's father hadn't been such a coward and skipped state. I still cannot believe I married the jerk. But the two best things that came from the marriage are the love and light of mine and the A-parents' lives!

Answer: I will never put down a birth mom! If it hadn't been for the unselfish act of wanting more for her child than she could give, I would not have my oldest son. She gave my husband and I the greatest gift ever...the gift of a child to love. I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 years when our dream came true via adoption. I applaud you for not taking the easy way out...abortion. For having your child and giving joy and love to a childless couple and giving your little girl all the material things you could not provide. From one adoptive mother to you, a birth mother...thank you!

Question: If giving babies in exchange for adoption fees is considered "selling" babies..? Then by default, wouldn't that mean all adoption agencies are selling babies regardless of circumstance, relinquishing mothers' circumstances and the processing fees? (A mother handing over money to save her child's life is different from a prospective who is handing over money on the condition that she adopt said child.) "You know it cost to buy a marriage license and a lot more if you have a fancy wedding. It cost to get a divorce." Of course. Except you're not paying a fee to receive a baby in marriage.

Answer: Friends of mine decided to adopt a baby. They walked into an agency, plopped down $30,000, filled out the paperwork and told the agency not to call until they had a baby that exactly matched their specifications. They had it in writing. A list. Of specifications for their BABY! They went something like this: Newborn Male Blonde Blue eyed. No health concerns, defects or problems. No birth family involvement. Completely closed adoption. Three months later they got a call from the agency. They were told to bring a carseat to the hospital and pick up their baby. He was free and clear and "theirs". How is that not selling a baby? It's just the same as buying a car. They picked the exterior they wanted, the "extras" and they paid a premium to get it. Same with designer handbags and computers. I'm not saying it's right, but that's EXACTLY what happens. I've seen it with my own eyes. A mother is not "saving her child's life" by giving it up for adoption. She's choosing to give that child a different life than she could provide, but it's not better or worse. At least at the time of the adoption. Remember, adoptive parents are just as likely to become abusive, or become addicts, or become bad parents as natural parents are. The only money handed over is from the Adoptive parents to the agency. No one's doing the baby's mother any favors.

Question: Why is an adoption agency fee not illegal? When I was in law school, I worked on several cases which involved step-parent adoptions. The rule was that we did not forgive past due child support in exchange for the biological father (or sometimes mother) to agree to termination of their parental rights, because my supervising attorney said that you could construe this as exchanging money for a child and that's illegal. So can't you make the argument that when adoption agencies charge excessive fees, this is selling children and therefore illegal? I don't understand how this is legal if forgiving past due child support (which is usually much less) is considered a sale of a child. It seems like people are profiting off these children. Why do we even have the law if people can disobey it? Any thoughts? I agree that some of it is for the service, but some agency fees are so high, it's hard to believe that it's all for the service. I was under the impression that legal fees were in addition to the agency fee, but I could be wrong. The fact that the fee is often based on income suggests to me that it really isn't based on the hours of service they provide at all. Joslin: Thanks for sharing, you make some good points. Please don't be offended by my question, I am curious about the issue and I welcome comments from both sides. No, it's definitely not a crime to help people, but it IS a crime to traffic children for financial profit, and I think there is a fine line in these situations between what is right and wrong. Perhaps we need some mechanism in place so that corrupt agencies can be held accountable.

Answer: Hi La, I agree, there is no good reason. Payment in exchange for children should be illegal. Not just for stepchildren, but for all children. You bring up some good questions with some good supporting evidence there. I also question why so much can be charged, or any at all. In addition to those reasons you mentioned, look at natural father's child support payments. If his child is adopted by someone else, the father is excused from paying what he owes. If he does not sign relinquishment papers, he is responsible for child support. Social workers representing adoption agencies know that and use that as a big carrot to get natural fathers to sign away their rights to the their child. This frees the child for sale to adoption, where more profits will be made from him/her. As unpleasant as it may be to think of, money is still being exchanged or payments excused, in exchange for a child. Yes, child selling is HUGE business in America. Billions every year. One might hear the argument that homes could not be found for children without all these profits being made. That's not true. Homes are found for children in Australia, England, and all of the other countries that have more advanced and humane practices of adoption. If anything, MORE families would be able to help provide homes for children who needed them if there were not outrageous profit pricetags attached to them. The focus should only be on providing homes for children who need them. It should not be on keeping profit-agencies in business who recruit infants and then turn around & sell them to their clients, the prospective adoptive parents with money. It's wrong because it is selling children. It should stop. Children are people too. Since 1865, It has been illegal in our country to sell people. We have the law because deep down everyone knows it is wrong to sell people. The law is broken because others want something badly enough to convince themselves it is something other than what it really is. Deep down they know it is wrong too. Thanks for asking, and keep speaking up about this. julie j reunited adoptee

Question: Where to offer cats for adoption -- San Francisco? An acquaintance needs to adopt out two family cats. They are older and one has health problems. Another is shy. They are indoor cats, I assume spayed / neutered and up on their vaccinations. None of her friends can take them. Sadly, if she cannot find a better way she will take them to the shelter, which means they will be put to sleep because they are not in demand for adoption. There aren't any no-kill shelters available. Are there any alternatives? Is there any hope of adoption, any place or method that is more likely? Are there any rescue agencies where she can leave a donation in exchange for caring for them?

Answer: Call up the 'Friends of Animals' shelter in your area. They usually don't put animals to sleep and will help place these poor unwanted kitties.

Question: Non-searching adoptees: If the adoption was great, you're glad you were adopted? Don't you think you ought to search for your nmother to let her know how appreciative you are for giving you up for adoption? Don't you OWE her that, in exchange for the gift of life?

Answer: Great question and interesting answers, although I think some are misunderstanding it slightly. I always felt what if this woman who had made and carried me had been one of the thousands who fell victim to the prejudices of her day? Wasn't it up to me, in this information age, at least to write her a letter, a letter that said I was alive? Even if this letter was screwed up and thrown in the trash then I had done my bit. I have no idea how the human race allowed it's women to find themselves in a position where they had to give up their child, and then know nothing, not one bit of detail, of what became of him/her . . . And for Randy: There are annotations and waivers of confidentiality on my adoption file from both myself and my mother. They've been sitting in that file for years. Ignored.

Question: If in a past adoption that was open w/contact would you have to sign another consent form to release info? We had been exchanging pics.,gifts,and letters through the old agency but now is new name and they say they cant do that. All I know is letter said they didn't do that anymore and was sorry for my confusion.

Answer: I totally would do it just to be safe. Did the agency replace the other agency. You may have to do it through the state, but i am really unsure about what happens when an agency shuts down and re-opens under a new name. ( why would they do that? i can only think of unethical reasons ) http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/Forms/English… That is californias consent to release, it will hopefully look something like that. Have you contacted the state? It is my understanding ( and I could be totally wrong so maybe an agency worker can validate this or not ) that when an agency shuts down their vital records must go to the state for keeping. Or maybe its that the vital information goes to the state automatically upon finalization of the adoption? Either way I'm feeling that the state should have it. Are they helping you out w/ understanding where the information has gone? or are they just saying NO, sorry can't help you now? BTW: i'm so sorry that your open adoption wasn't honored.

Question: AP's, How did you ensure an ethical adoption? In ensuring an ethical adoption did you consider the following points?: That no coercion was involved, That no money was exchanged barring fees/donations for IA, That you had everything it took to be a suitable adoptive parent. Please comment on any ongoing or future plans you have to assist your child in maintaining their whole identity.

Answer: In doing an IA I made sure our agency and the country we are adopting from were both part of the Hague convention. I am adopting older children who have been in an orphanage for at least 10 years. I have seen and worked off of a detailed list of expenses. Most of the money is paid for paperwork and fees right here in the U.S. Every signature on a piece of paper costs about $15 to have it authorized. I know where almost every dollar is being spent. I know my husband and I will be suitable parents, because we have foster parent training, have had a home study done, have read many books on the topic, and I initially came here to Y!A for additional guidance, here I was just attacked. The only person here who helped me understand how IA children feel is Mei-Ling. Thank you Mei-Ling for your emails and help.

Question: My husband wants to know why is there any profit in adoption...? He wants to know if a person want surrenders a child for adoption and a couple adopt why does the adopting couple need to pay any money? He understands the adoptive couple having a background but he thinks no money should be exchanged for the child. Does anyone else think that paying money to an agency is selling and buying children? Do you think adoption should be strictly non-profit?

Answer: Well, the process of adoption requires court proceedings. This means that there need to be lawyers involved, Judges, and it is a long process. While I do believe they overcharge in adoption fees, there is a necessity for the adoptive parents to pay these costs.

Question: Besides Yahoo Answers adoption section, are there any other online forums where ...? Besides Yahoo Answers adoption section, are there any other online forums where the exchange of information & ideas are equally welcomed from all members (adoptive parents, adoptees, first moms, lurkers, etc.) WITHOUT any subjective filtering or censoring from moderators who may not want certain thoughts getting out there? Thank you for your thoughts and sites!

Answer: alt.adoption and craigslist and wiki

Question: I have an adoption question, my wife and I are currently fertile and adventurous and open minded...? I am actually only here today thanks to the shortage of "supply of adoptees". My biological father was told by 2 doctors he was clinically infertile. He adopted 2 children over a period of 5 years (it takes forever). I actually occured in 1984 and here I am. I was wondering about the "adoption agencys system" and how I can perhaps be gifted a "scholarship" in exchange for adopting my daughter to an individual who choses to make wish in a scholarship to let a 23 year old married male go to med-school without having to take out loans. My wife and I already have one child, who was "semi-adopted" by the grandmother. Our specs are as follows Y-chromo 6'4" white male 155 IQ greyish/green/blue eyes brown hair not-so-great looking X-chromo 5'1" beauty queen 95 pounds blonde (fake) hair and stunning looks her best physical contribution is her flawless god-given genetically inheritable face We already have 1 offspring who is very healthy, beautiful 7 m/o baby (note*) not my current child the one who can be ready by perhaps 05/08 or later, or you can choose the birth month

Answer: That is not legal. The "gift" (scholarship) would be considered a payment, and the adoption would be considered selling a child. Both you-the parents-and the adopters in this case would be in legal trouble. I do not consider it adventurous and open minded. I consider it selfish and greedy.

Question: I have a question about a foreign exchange student and adoption? ok so this year our school had an exchange student from south korea...its now getting near the end of the school year and he is going back to korea for the summer but wants to come back next year and stay in america so he can finish school and go to college. He says if he wants to stay here, a family must adopt him so i was just wondering if you guys know if this is legal. Can it be done cuz my family wants to adopt him so he doesn't have to go back, but we don't know if we can, he is a great person and i don't want him to leave =[...please help...thanks.

Answer: Adoption would be removing him from his family, and should be the last option investigated. In any case, adoption would not be a quick, easy answer. Out of country adoption would require careful legal work and expense. If he's a good student, getting an extension of his time as an exchange student might be easy. It should be researched, and school administrators may well be your best assistance in that area. If he's an average student, you should research if he can get a green card as a student to be here on a student visa. Talk to the agency that brought him over as an exchange student in the first place, and they may well have more than one option that could be used for him to remain. If THEY state that adoption is the only option, then ask them for guidance on how to do so. It would probably have to be done as a private adoption. cw

Question: What do you do when someone wants to adopt your pet on petfinder.com? Do you have to like meet up with them somewhere and then exchange the pet for the adoption fee?

Answer: Pretty much it's up to you, the organization you're going through (you must go through a shelter, rescue, or similar), and the person adopting your pet.

Question: I need help with my persuasive speech on Pro Adoption. Please help.? I have no clue to how i am supposed to do this. It is for my Speech 106 class and i have a paper written that will kind of help, but i am truely lost. You can not really love a child unless you birth him or her. It is very untrue that the adoptive parents can not really love a child because they did not give birth to him or her. When a child is adopted, they are chosen. One seems to believe, “The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life” (Bach 105). The adoptive family chooses if they want a boy or a girl and how old they would like to have the child. It is true that, “By choice, we have become a family, first in our hearts, and finally in breath and being. Great expectations are good; great experiences are better.” (Fischer 106). They treat the child with much more love and care because they chose you over the other children they could have adopted. There are situation in life where the adoptive parents may have not been able to have a child on their own so they do the next best thing. They adopt. Real parents give birth, and fake parents adopt. No. Real parents are the ones that love and care for the child when they are growing up. It does not matter if you give birth to the child or not. A parent is someone that loves you unconditionally. One believes, “Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical” (Kidman 1). They take care of you when you are sick, they make you laugh when you are sad, and they are there for you no matter how good or bad you are. Just because you give birth to a child does not make you a mother or father. It is true that, “Every child deserves a home and love. Period” (Thomas 1). A mother and father are the people that raise you through the good times and the bad. It is really sad when the good people that try to have a child is unable to have one, and while the bad people that do it and have a child and throw them in the garbage have the child and just let them die. Adoptee’s are not ment to have a good home. No. Adoptee’s are supposed to go into a better home and have a better life than what they would have. When a child is adopted, they are chosen, and they are ment to have a better life than what they would have in the life that they were born into. It is said that, “We look at adoption as a very sacred exchange. It was not done lightly on either side. I would dedicate my life to this child” (Curtis 10). Adoption is a long process, you have to go through months of case work with people coming to your house and watching your every move. If you are a fit couple then you may proceed to finish the adoption. It is a very good thing that they have places where people are able to adopt because if not I would not be here today. It is very untrue that the adoptive parents can not really love a child because they did not give birth to him or her. Real parents are the ones that love and care for the child when they are growing up. Adoptee’s are supposed to go into a better home and have a better life than what they would have. When a child is adopted, they are chosen by the adoptive parents making them very special in their heart. well the paper i had already written for my eng 101 class about the misconceptions of adoptees... i just had that as part of it so i might have something to base my speech off of. i am adopted so don't get me wrong. i am writting my speech to persuade someone to adopt instead of having an abortion. well to be honest I wouldn't know about other adoptees because I was adopted by my aunt and uncle when I was born. I don't know much about anything to do with my past. My biological parents rarely come around... and I only found out that I was adopted when I was 17. It was a big family secret kept hidden very well.

Answer: Ugh. This is awful to be honest. Who your audience is the first thing to figure out. Are you speaking about how wonderful adoption is to people who should adopt? Are you speaking to adopted people about how wonderful it was to be adopted? Or are you speaking to people who should consider relinquishing their children for adoption? Because as what you wrote above stands now, you are all inclusive with misconceptions and ignorant statements that offend. Edit to add: Holy heck you missed your target audience! If you are aiming to get someone to consider relinquishment instead of abortion, than you just really insulted them a great deal by what you wrote above. None of it takes any consideration of the emotional impact of relinquishment or what their child will go through. It appears that you are well submerged into the adoption is wonderful attitude which doesn't help any for real world issues of those considering relinquishment. It sounds like the points you are making above are for those considering adopting a child into their family, not relinquishing their baby for someone else to raise. And to be honest, the above is written with some serious flaws about who relinquishing children for adoption and whether there is any value at all to biological connections.

Question: Is there some kind of adoption program where I can exchange my 3yr old son for one I like better? Actually, when I had him I was hoping for a girl. Since I don't want two children (one is enough!) I won't be "trying for a girl next time". I really haven't bonded with him, and in fact, he just seems to be a little on the whiny side. Plus, he's a total attention hog. Every time I'm trying to have a few glasses of wine, it's always like "mommy, I have to pee" or some other annoying demand. I know that there are alot of unfortunate children out there who don't even have families. I was thinking maybe if I took one of them, I could exchange my son. I'd be doing a good deed for another child, all the while taking care of my own problem. Has anyone heard of a program like this? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance and god bless.

Answer: Take him for a sex change operation. Then at least the whining will be expected - and you will have your girl. (I envy contempt if you're beneath it...)

Question: I am with an animal rescue org.Is it legal to list names of people who should not be allowed to adopt a dog? I do animal rescue and adoptions. Is it legal for me to start a yahoo group which would compile a list of names and addresses of people who should not be allowed to adopt an animal so that other rescue groups can refer to it and we can all exchange info? We're finding that folks who have been turned down for adoption, for good reason, simply go on to another rescue group and try to adopt. This would be a communication tool,sort of a database for all rescues who want to make sure that their animals are not going to be adopted by undesirables. All info on the list would be FACTUAL.

Answer: I don't know about the legal aspect but as a breeder I would like this info. could you email me your list privately? [email protected]

Question: What are your thoughts on Government control of Health Care? "Proponents of government competition in a "national health insurance exchange" claim that it would enhance personal choice and health plan competition. That is highly unlikely. Rather, such a system would impose federal control over virtually every aspect of private health insurance, rendering it virtually indistinguishable from government insurance except for its direct financing. Congress would become increasingly prescriptive over benefits, the adoption of medical technology and new medical procedures, the pricing of these items, and the mechanism that plans may or may not use to manage health care risks. In other words, hardly any aspect of private health plans' business operations would be free from government regulation and control. That is not a prescription for health care choice or competition." Government as "Competitor": The Latest Prescription for Government Control of Health Care http://www.heritage.org/Research/HealthC…

Answer: It will not work I investigated Medicaid & Medicare Fraud in NYC and Long Island for 28 years. Well over one thousand times; I visted Medicaid or Medicare Clinics and/or NYC Hospitals, Pharmacies, etc. " posing " as a Medicare or Medicaid Receipient. The Providers ( Doctors, Dentists, etc. ) steal millions of Dollars from the government and the Recipients also steal from the system in that they allow the Providers to Bill the Government for Medical Services that they never receive in exchange for pills and/or money from the Provider. I once saw a Medicaid Recipient with 21 different Medicaid Cards under 21 different names with 21 different Client ID Numbers ALL with her photo on them I made undercover visits to a Psychiatrist who gave his patients a 3 minute visit ( including me ) + a bag of pills and the Psychiatrist billed the Government for 27 Hourly Therapy Sessions every day and....you guessed it...the Government paid for 27 Hours in each day. I arrested a Dentist whose Office was open from 10 am - 12 Noon every day. This Dentist had gypsy cabs drive 40 junkie recipients ( from Harlem & the Bronx ) to his Office. The Dentist would then x-ray every junkie's mouth & pay each one ten dollars. The Dentist then billed the Government for the same $ 350. worth of ficticious Dental Work on each Patient. This went on for 18 months & the Dentist was paying the junkies a total of $ 400 per day & was receiving a check amounting to $ 13,500 per day from the Government for 2 hours of billing for services not rendered. As far as the quality of care goes....I recall one Dentist's Office where a new hygenist remarked " Doctor....you are not sterilizing the instruments that you use in the patient's mouths " & the female Dentist replied " What do you care....they are all junkies with AIDS & they are going to die anyway " So much for Government Health Care

Question: in your opinion which type if adoption is better for the child and why? this is for project citizen (we still havent decided on a topic) if u dont k now the difference info below Closed Adoptions When many people think about adoption, they envision a closed adoption in which the adoptive family and birth mother remain confidential, with no contact prior to or after the placement of the child. For many generations, it was common practice to keep adoptions closed. However, in the early 1980s, adoption began to shift toward more openness. Today, some people believe closed adoptions to be "safer," mainly out of a fear that if the birth parents know where the adoptive family lives, that they will "take back" the child. While this fear has largely been perpetuated by television movies and sensationalized media reports, this is not true. Today's adoption laws are very clear - once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive family is recognized as the child's legal family. Open Adoptions While many adoption professionals have varying definitions of what an "open" adoption is, it typically means that the birth parents and the adoptive family speak prior to and even after the child is born. This may include phone calls and face-to-face visits. Some adoptions of this nature are very open, with the adoptive family and birth parents exchanging contact information and agreeing to periodic visits by the birth parents as the child grows. It is also common in open adoptions for the adoptive family to mail pictures and letters to the birth parents. Semi-Open Adoptions Semi-open adoptions fall in between open and closed adoptions. The adoptive family and birth parents usually will know basic information about each other, such as their first names and state of residence. Complete contact information, such as phone numbers and addresses, are not shared. While adoptive families and birth parents may speak to one another prior to the birth of the child, some confidentiality is maintained. Once the child has been placed with the adoptive family, the birth parents may still stay in contact with the family via letters and pictures, however this correspondence is handled by a third party, such as the adoption agency. American Adoptions handles all correspondence between our birth parents and adoptive families in a semi-open adoption. Our agency maintains the current contact information for each party - if the birth parents or adoptive family wishes to send a letter or pictures to the other party, they simply mail it to the agency. We then repackage the letter so there is no identifying information (such as mailing address) and forward it on to the recipient.

Answer: Think about it. It's a no-brainer. Would you prefer truth and honesty in your life or secrets and lies

Question: Open adoption question? Does it confuse the kids to have birth parents involved? I am an adoptee with a sealed adoption but it seems that open adoptions are becoming much more common. Do the children involve get confused with a birth mom and an adoptive mom involved? Do they call them both "Mom"? Does it ever undermine the adoptive parents' authority and discipline? How do you work around this? Do you get everyone together regularly or just exchange the occasional letter and photo? When I was growing up, sealed adoptions were the only way I knew so I'm just curious about how other families have made open situations work. Thanks! Thanks for all the wonderful, detailed answers! I remember using the "you're not my real mommy" line when I was about 4 and still remember the pain it caused my mom. I was just wondering if this type of thing became an issue with open situations. However, it sounds like these kids are lucky to have so many parents to love them.

Answer: I don't see how it would be any more confusing than divorced families or step families etc You can never have too much family or too many people loving you and knowing the truth right from the start will prevent the familial fantasies that many adoptees have from not knowing and the genetic bewilderment alot of adoptees suffer with I think openness is much more healthy than secrecy and it should be mandatory