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Loss

A feeling of emotional deprivation that is experienced at some point in time. For a birth parent the initial loss will usually be felt at or subsequent to the placement of the child. Adoptive parents who are infertile feel a loss in their inability to bear a child. An adopted child may feel a sense of loss at various points in time; the first time the child realizes he is adopted may invoke a strong sense of loss for his birth family.

Question: Loss?????? Loss...........? Hi, I had twins about a year ago and daughters twin Austin passed away at 7 months old. (he had a lot of problems) Now my problem is that I am with drawing from my hubby. I love him but I just dont know what it is I get so mad at him for stupid things I would rather spend time with my friends then be home with him or when i am home i prefer to be left alone with my outher two kids. I really do love my husband but I think there is a big problem. I have never been one to show my emotions and I dont know why im doing what I am. Because I really do love him . We have been to counsiling but my hubby decided that he didnt want to go anymore that it wasnt helping.Any advise?

Answer: I think you need to go back to counseling. It takes a long time. He can't expect that after a few counseling sessions, you'll feel all better about your son's death. If they were born about a year ago, and he was seven months old when he died, it's been less than about six months, and that may seem like a long time, but it's not. The fact that you still have one of the twins could actually be making it harder to grieve in a way, because your living child could be serving as a constant reminder of your lost child, and the desire to celebrate her life could be clashing with the need to grieve your other child's death. It's gonna take time, and work, and patience, and it probably would be best for you to get counseling seperately and together, and perhaps it would be a good idea to join a support group for grieving parents. I'm so sorry, no words offered here can express the sympathy and.... I can't think of the right word --- pity (?) --- I have for you. It's not the exact same thing, but my stepsister died at the age of 22 years old, and I know my stepmom went through a period of withdrawl from my dad for a while. He's kind of thick-headed, and it just didn't seep in when she tried to explain what was going on, because her feelings were so unsteady. What did help, though, was when someone else he respected, who had gone through a similar issue, talked to him and stressed the importance of patience while my stepmom got through the initial shock and the depression that came later. This is where a good counselor, doctor, or someone from a support group could really be good here. My thoughts are with you.

 


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