Open Adoption

Question: open adoption???????? me and my boy friend have considered doing an open adoption.. is there a way we could decide what we wanna do after the baby is born?? like keep the baby for a month and see if we can or can't do it?

Answer: Yeah don't listen to 20. Your baby will already be USED to you. He will know your voice and smell. For the first 3 months he will almost always turn his head towards you when you talk. Your baby will KNOW you are his Mommy! Don't even think about adoption until you see your child's first smile. You don't even need to find a family now. Even if you do and you think they are the best ones for your child, it is still a crap shoot. The parents could die, lose a job, or get divorce. There is no way of knowing that your child will be better off with them. But instead he is very likely to face identity and abandonment issues. Furthermore, open adoption is NOT legally enforceable in ANY state. The adoptive parents can close the adoption at any time for any reason and not even tell you about. And there not a damn thing you can do about it. There is help for you. Get on government assistant. They can help with food, housing and medical bills. http://64.82.65.67/medicaid/states.html

Question: Open adoption??? How does open adoption work i want to know all the details and facts do i choose the parents my baby goes to can i still see the child am i allowed to change my mind before the babys born???? I need to know everything. I live in Michigan.

Answer: Do NOT commit to anything until this baby is born. Until that time - think about parenting - and see how you go. Adoption is a long term solution - to an often short term problem. Adoption will have life long affects on you and on this child. Children WANT to be with the mothers they grew inside. That's why they turn their heads when mother talks soon after birth. This child knows you. Take some time to get to know him/her. Adoption - in my opinion - should only be when you really really can't parent. Write a list - what can you give this child. This child doesn't need a whole heap - but most importantly - he/she needs love and care - oddles of it. If you can give that - everything else is findable - and possible. I'm sure you will be a GREAT mum. In Australia - no pre-birth plans are made - because they can be coercive. Once you meet a family that wants your child - they will say and do things (most likely) to make you feel guilty for wanting to keep your child. But this is YOUR child - until you make your final decision. Please remember that - above all. Be very very aware of adoption agencies also - they also want your baby - as they will make a great deal of money from your baby. Open adoptions are NOT enforceable. Some great AP's here do have successful open adoptions - but too many in this world are closed down - and the first parents suffer greatly. Here's a site about mother's rights - http://origins-usa.org/ I wish you and your baby all the best the world can give - together. (I've missed my mother for 38 years - and all she needed was someone to say - YES - you can parent just fine)

Question: Open Adoption? Does anyone know where I can find a contract or agreement "example". I am meeting with an expectant mom this weekend who wants to place with us and we were going to write an "Open Adoption Agreement/Contract" together. We are both aware that these contracts are not legally enforcable, however, we are doing this to make it very clear what is expected of both of us. I really need an example contract as my and her Atty. have never done one. Thanks in advance. I am not looking for other peoples opinions about open adoption...just need to see what a real contract looks like. thanks for the opinions, but I need an example. Us and Canada are very different with adoptions. Although this is a Private Adoption we will still need to make it legal the same way Agency Adoptions are completed in court. An Open Adoption in the US means that Adoptive Family and Natural Family have some sort of contact after adoption is finalized. They agree on various issues. It is true that some Adoptive families do not hold up their end of the deal and blow mom off. I realize this and know all about it and think it sucks! My family and I have every intention to hold up our end of the deal. When I am asking for this contract example I just want to see it to make sure we touch on every aspect. Anatasia...TY very much for looking. I have been searching for hours and cannot find anything either. Appreciate it !

Answer: I dont think it really looks like anything you just decide what you want to agree on and do and then write it up although as u said its not legally binding so i dont see what good writing it up even does anyhow and I really hope that you really mean what u say and say what u mean because its not right to promise something just to get what u want and then destroy someones life because of it....and I cant believe that its not legally bindng,that is so messed up...

Question: What do you think open adoption really means? Do you agree with open adoption or not? We're going through adoption now and it seems like open adoption isn't for us. It seems so invasive to let the birthparents have constant contact with your baby/child. Also, I think that a child can become confused when the birthparents are around. But of course we honor them, they are very special people.

Answer: We are also going through the adoption process and have had the same concerns.After speaking with our agency mor and other adoptive parents we fell much better about it. with our agency after a birthmom chooses us we sit down with her and develope and plan. we all talk about it and decide together how open is open. for some its just pictures and letters, some its visits 2-3 times a year others its visits once a year. others have decided visits the first year then pictures and letters afterwards. my advice would be to tlak with angency more about it. then if you still decide to go with a us adoption only agree to as much as you can follow through on. I am sure it is very hard on the birth mothers to be told that they will get many visits and then to have that change with out notice. we do not feel that is right and will be straight forward and honest with our birthfamily as to what we are comfortable. if we can not come to an agreement then we are not the best couple for their child and we will wait till find the right one. we have not decided on how open we will be. We feel we need to get to know the birth family first a little to truly make that decision.

Question: How much is an open adoption on the couple wanting to adopt? How much is an open adoption on the couple who is wanting to adopt the baby?

Answer: Adoptions can go anywhere from just lawyers cost/paper work up to about 40K. In many ways, the adoption agencies have become an industry, which is sad. If you're considering adoption, think about people you know that may not be able to have children/want children, through your church etc. While an agency may promise an open adoption, there is no way to enforce that the other party will comply. I hope this helps you:)

Question: When you have an open adoption, do you have to sign your rights away? My boyfriends ex-girlfriend is planning on signing her rights away to her sister. If he signs his rights away, can he still see her in an open adoption. I don't know how the legal system works in this case. He would take full custody but works all day.

Answer: Hi Brai, In all adoptions, open & closed, the parents relinquish their parental rights or have them terminated by a court. After an adoption is finalized, it is considered permanent. The adoptive parents assume all legal rights & responsibilities for the child. The child will be issued an altered birth certificate stating that the adoptive parents (or the sister in this case) gave birth to the child, and the original will be sealed away forever in most U.S. states even from the child him/herself. What is called open adoption is really up to the adopting parents as to whether or not they honor whatever arrangements they originally agreed to. The natural parents will have no legal rights to enforce anything after an adoption has been finalized. This point is often unclear to all parties before relinquishments. I'm sorry to report that in many cases, open adoptions are changed to closed ones for any reason the adoptive parents choose, and there is no legal recourse for the natural parents. You don't mention what the reason is for the parents needing to sign away their rights. In some cases, temporary guardianship may be preferable. There is also the possibility of family just helping each other without transferring away legal parental rights. To answer your question as to whether or not he can still see the child if he signs away his parental rights, the answer is no, not unless the new parent agrees to that and then follows through with it. I would not count on that happening. If the child's mother doesn't want to parent and the father does, then the child's father gets full custody and he can file for support from her. It is not possible for the mother to make her sister a legal adoptive parent if the child's father does not want that to happen. If it's true he wants full custody, then they do not need to have their child adopted by anyone else. He should look into daycare while he is at work instead of having his child adopted by anyone. Exceptions being of course if he is a danger to the child or has issues such as addiction that would interfere with his ability to be a father. From what you have told us, it does not appear that adoption would be a necessary or a wise move in this case if he loves his child & wants to stay a part of his/her life. Hope this information is helpful. julie j reunited adoptee

Question: What are my rights through the Open Adoption process? Is the adoptee parents obligated to let me see my daughter when I want to? Are they obligated to make sure I know where they live and give me their phone number? What is the pro and cons of an open adoption? What happens if they do not obey the open adoption process? Do you think it is best just to go through the open adoption process but don't see the child as it is a painful experience if the open adoption rights are not enforced!

Answer: You have no rights in an open adoption, because they are NOT legally enforceable. Aps usually close them in the first year. Save yourself the pain. Keep your child. Your baby does not want to be raised by strangers.

Question: Is an open adoption binding or can it be closed? For those of you who need to know(like AnnaBelle), this question ids not about me and my wife's adoption. It was closed from the beginning. This question is about my friend who adopted a child through an open adoption who want to have it now closed. Reason being to protect his child from the birth mother. For your information, she has said that she would run away and kidnap the baby if she ever got the chance, we don't want that to happen. So she is a threat to the child.

Answer: Same question. Same motive. Same answer. Why did you feel the need to repost instead of adding to the last question and launching a personal attack? I agree...NO one here advocates exposing a child to danger. So if that is the case...they shouldn't even be hesitating. IF that's the case. You asked "how long" last time...if there is imminent danger...doesn't sound like anyone was rushing to save the child. So which is it? Imminent danger or convenient timing? Crazychick: Any support for those claims? You seem pretty sure. I have found research support for and against your statements. Just curious.

Question: Are Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption Told that Open Adoption is not Enforcable? I've never once seen that on an adoption agency website. I've seen plenty about how an open adoption is possible and lots of promises of various levels of contact; but I've never seen anything that lets the mother know that she doesn't have a leg to stand on if the door is slammed in her face Are agencies being misleading in this regard?

Answer: I can't speak for all agencies, but the one I was working definitely did not. In fact, I was promised by the agency that I would have visitation rights, and would get updates and pictures. I did not know that open adoption was not enforceable until my first attorney was retained. He was so outraged that he called the agency worker and berated her for promising things to me that weren't legally enforceable. I was shocked. I was like, "What do you mean? But I have visitation rights so I can see him while this case is pending, right?" When I finally got copies of the documents that I signed, there was a tiny little sentence at the end of the page that said "while we encourage parties to go through with the agreements that are made, these agreements are not legally enforceable." I was blown away. I absolutely think it's misleading and I think that the promise of open adoption weighs heavily on an expectant mother's decision to place with a specific couple/person. Because of that, I think any reneging on promises should be considered fraud and grounds for an invalidation. ETA - You aren't kidding, Sly. When I checked around for appeal attorneys, I got estimates of 15,000 - 25,000 dollars. It's sad that justice is only for those who can afford it.

Question: What legal rights do biological parents have in an "open adoption"? As far as I can tell, bio parents have little to no parental rights once they give away their child for adoption. "An open adoption, where birth parents maintain some kind of contact with a child after the adoption, requires the cooperation of everyone involved. But if the adoptive parents decide to stop contact between the child and the birth parents after the adoption, they can, and there’s nothing the birth parents can do. An adoption terminates all of a birth parent’s legal rights concerning their child. All of their duties and responsibilities—including the duty to pay child support—are permanently and irrevocably ended." http://www.illinoislegalaid.org/index.cf…

Answer: None. They are not legally enforceable anywhere in the United States. As far as another poster stating that first parents can ask paps to take a lie detector test, that's ridiculous. Lie detector tests are not admissible in court, and any good liar can pass one.

Question: What would be a good song to deticate to my son whom i did an open adoption with? I recently did an open adoption with my son and i was wondering if there is a song out there that would fit the situation that i could deticate to him. I just want him to knw that i did it for him because i love him with all my heart and wanted what was best and i was wondering if there is a song that anyone knows of that would kinda say that.

Answer: Raining Blood - Slayer

Question: How can I contact couples who want an open adoption legally? My maid was raped 3 months ago and she's pregnant , but already has a daughter and cannot take care of both. She's considering an open adoption, what can she do (LEGALLY)?

Answer: contact family aid agency and a family lawyer. you can get too many whacked people on-line and have no real intentions of really wanting a baby for themselves and then just turn around and sell the baby for big dollars. I wish the best for your maid and wish her all the best.

Question: If you had to give your child up for adoption, would you go with an open or closed adoption? Open adoption is where you get to see your child, to get updates and pictures from the adoptive parents, get them gifts for holidays and birthdays, and they know who you are. Closed adoption is where you're not involved in your child's life and you don't get any updates or anything. I prefer open adoption, but I want to hear YOUR opinions about this.

Answer: You are very confuse about what an open adotion is. Open just means the paper work isn't sealed and that if the adopted child chooses to look you up at 18 he/she can. Also it means that the birth mother knows where the baby went. In a closed adoption the the birth mother does not know where the baby went and the child may find if difficult to ever find the birth parents due to the sealing of the court papers. In addition, while an open adopting may include the birth parents being sent updates or photos of the child it would NOT include visitation of the child or gift giving at holidays and birthdays b/c that is over stepping boundaries and could be very confusing for the child. My cousin was involved in an open adoption and she sends photos and updates to the birth mom BUT the birth mom has not seen the child since he was 1 month old and he is now 6. IF he wants to find her when he is 18 he will be able to do so. Her other child was a closed adotion at the birth mothers request. If it were me I would prefer open, not because I think I should have the right to hang around in the shadows of my child's life, some sort of constant threat to the adoptive parents BUT because every child has the right to know where he came from and what medical things are in the family history and should he want to meed a birth parent once he is an adult he should have the right. All birth parents should understand that giving a child up means REALLY giving the child up so that it can have a life with the new parents and not feel confused or torn between the birth and adoptive parents. That is just selfish and selfishness should never go along with parenting.

Question: Is open adoption still in the experimental stage? How well was open adoption researched before adoption agencies and attorneys began to offer this option? Was there much thought about the effect on the either the child, the natural mother, or the adoptive family? Do people enter into open adoption agreements thinking it will be easier on all parties involved? Are possible complexities explored before the open adoption is agreed to? I'm asking this because there are a lot of questions about both mothers and adoptive families who have difficulty keeping in touch and honoring the open adoption agreement. What are your opinions? Thanks to everyone for telling your stories, opinions, and research. All of the answers are informative and important - I can't choose a best answer, so I will put the question to a vote. Thank you!

Answer: I don't know the answer to your questions, but I wish I did. Right now, it seems as if "open adoption" is something that is used to lure pregnant women into relinquishing their children. They are often scared, alone, and broke and think that by surrendering their children they can give them "what's best." Desperate PAPs promise these women the moon in order to get their hands on those sweet, fresh babies and then disappear into the night with nary a picture, letter, or phone number. Until it's legally enforceable (and it SHOULD be), "open adoption" is a sick joke. I know that some people on here have open adoptions and they get high praise from me! I'm not saying that open adoptions never happen. I'm just saying that, for the most part, the term is a ploy to coerce mothers into giving up their children. It's sad and sick and should be a crime to enter into an agreement like that and then renege.

Question: If your giving your babies up for open adoption, how is the hospital stay? Do they get to stay with you? I hear people telling me that you cant stay with them while your in the hospital, i hear people telling me they can. Its Open adoption, and i want to at least stay with them in the hospital. The adoptive parents can come too, all they want.

Answer: If you are so interested in staying with your baby why don't you keep it? Why don't you do what is best for your baby and try to raise it yourself? Babies want to be with their mothers, they want to be with the person whose heartbeat they have listened to for 9 months. They want to hear their mothers voice, the voice they have heard for their entire lives, when they need comfort.

Question: Is an open adoption easy to get meaning are there lots of people out there willing to do this? I am currently pregnant with twins and i can only handle one child. I am young and ready for a child but i did not count on me geting pregnant with twins. Anyhow is it hard to find a couple willing to do an open adoption? No rude comments or you will get reported.

Answer: Hi yeah there are couples that are willing to do an open adoption me and my husband were looking into adoption and we found that we would rather do an open adoption so that the mother can be just as involved as we would be we want the birthmother involved in the childs life we hope to find someone that is willing to do that kind of adoption one day.

Question: If you got pregnant or got your girlfriend pregnant would you give the baby up for an open adoption? Or would you keep it? An open adoption is wheir you can see the child as it grows up, call it, visit and other things like that I am NOT pregnant, just wanted to hear what other people had to answer.

Answer: It's funny my friends slept over last night, and we were thinking about this. Right now, if we got pregnant (all almost 14) what we would do with the baby. I personally would keep him/her and try my hardest to raise the child the best possible. If it was an adoption, open would probably be my choice. Hey, if you couldn't be the mother, at least be important in their life.

Question: what all goes into having an open adoption? My cousin and his girlfriend want my husband and I to adopt their baby when it is born next year, and they want an open adoption. What kind of paperwork goes into an open adoption? Is it basically the same as a closed adoption? What kind of rights do the birth parents keep with an open adoption? My husband's and my biggest concern is if they will have the ability to take back the baby if they change their mind.

Answer: It's basically where you and your fearful husband promise the parents to an "open" adoption. You tell them they can visit, you'll share pics and stories, etc. You might even mean it at the time. But after a while you and hubby will tire of the thought that your child has parents before you, and you will decide it's "not right" for junior to see his biological parents--he'll get "confused". When the truth is that your security in your relationship with this child who has another set of parents is weakening. You want to be the ONLY parents! After all you're the one to change the diapers, right? You're the ones who pay the bills! All he did was provide a "sperm donation" and she did was "pop out a baby"! Who do they think they are?! What's cool is that EVERYONE will back you up. Extended family, friends and acquaintances. They'll tell you that you're the ONLY parents, and that it's BEST for your kid not to see these people. Trouble is there is one person will be very, very angry with you. The child that you tried so hard to posses for years will demand to know WHY you took his PARENTS away from him. He might even cut you off as an adult for denying him a relationship with his parents for all that time. So you and DH do yourselves (and this child) a favor. Allow this child to know his parents. Allow him to have two sets of parents. Allow him to live in reality instead of pretending he doesn't care about his original parents to spare your feelings. Or better yet--help your cousin parent his OWN child.

Question: Has anyone had any bad experiences with open adoption? I am pregnant and looking at adoption options because it will be the best shot at a life with good opportunities for the child that I am carrying. It was very hard to get to this decision but it is for the best. I am looking at open adoption and am curious to know if anyone out there has had any negative experiences and later wished that they had not gone this route. This is a difficult situation and I appreciate constructive answers.

Answer: You might find this website a good resource. Be sure to read the about us page. http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/ A good friend of mine created it because of how little support there is in supporting an open adoption. And remember, while you are researching your adoption plan options, to also research parenting options as well. ;o)

Question: Is open adoption the best chioce for the child? My husband and I are in the process of adopting and open adoptin is what we chosen. I want the child to know its birth parents, but Im scared of the unknown also. I feel being honest about the adoption at first should be the best for the child.

Answer: An open adoption is absolutely the best way to go. Our family has been involved in a completely open adoption for almost ten years now, and there is no one less confused about how it works than my son. I won't say that it's the easy road. It's NOT. Maintaining a good relationship with his mom is sometimes as difficult as maintaining a good marriage. Our son gets his questions answered. Firsthand, not through some third party and a file when he turns eighteen, but by calling her up NOW. It was really scary at first, while we were still feeling each other out, but now we're just another kind of family. The hardest part is the reaction of people around us. School told his mom that she wasn't really his mother. Our families HATE the fact that she is in our lives, and don't welcome her to holidays and other family gatherings. I get "aren't you afraid she'll...." questions from people all the time (not so much now that he's older, but when he was a baby and a toddler....) I'd be happy to talk with you via e-mail at length about what a fully open adoption means for your family.