Relative Adoptions

Question: How are non- blood relative adoptions dealt with? Im writing a story- it involves adoption but I know nothing about it. In the story a woman gets pregnant but leaves the baby's father (bec. he hits her), she goes off with her new boyfriend. This boyfriend promises to help raise the baby w/her as if its his own, but she dies during childbirth, without leaving any real/ legal specifications of where her child should go incase of her death. The boyfriend keeps his promise & takes care of the child, years later the real father comes back & wants the kid. How can the boyfriend kept the child who calls him "daddy"? Would he have any legal leeway? What would he have to go through to legally keep/adopt the child? Is it even possible since he is not a blood relative to the child or to the child's mother, and the real father is still alive and well (even though he was in jail for hitting the childs mom)? What if the real dad dies? I would really appreshiate it if any1 out there could help me bec. i want the story to be as actual as possible thx

Answer: It's an interesting situation. The boyfriend is legally at a disadvantage because the true father has rights as a parent. If he knowingly gave up these rights then there would be no problem. But, without a problem, what good is the story, right? It's similar to the problem of child-support. If a mother keeps the child but seperates from the father, the father owes money to support the child. Should another man come into the mother's life and adopt the child then the father no longer owes the support. But, until he legally gives up rights to being the child's fathter, the new boyfriend can't adopt the child. I say complicate the story more by making the original father even more despicable. Have the child become some sort of prodigy. The father has drifted through various prisons but now proclaims to be saved. He discovers the child is probably his. He enters the child's life. The boyfriend's position is undermined by the fact that the wife never officially severed the father's rights.

Question: Do i have to be 18 to proceed with a relative adoption? Do i have to be 18 to proceed with a relative adoption? I am 17 and i turn 18 in may, would i have to wait till I'm 18?

Answer: In most states you are way to young to adopt--even a relative. In most states you have to be at least 21 and have your own place and have an income that will allow it.

Question: How long does relative adoption take? and how can I speed up the process? For very personal reasons, we may have to adopt a relative nephew (age 14). We want to adopt him as fast as possible. We are currently married at age 50, and already had a son who is in college. We are also financially stable. Can anyone tell me how long the process is going to take? And maybe give us advice on how to speed things up? oh, and we are in california while our nephew is in new jersey. The parents are completely great parents, but some illness made them unable to take care of him.

Answer: Are you doing the relative adoption thru the State of NJ (meaning is the State involved such as with kinship care or foster care)? Or are you doing this privately or through an agency as an identified adoption? The reason that I ask is that the State of NJ may make the process harder - at least it did for us. If you are using an attorney, he/she can probably help with speeding up the process especially if a medical condition is present. Although the State of NJ was involved with our son before our adoption (as he was in kinship care with his grandparents), an attorney was able to get them a court hearing with family court to obtain legal custody for the purpose of adoption (to us) to thus remove the state. Because our son has a medical condition, they were able to speed up the process so that the state did not put him in foster care. Although we were not related to the biological family, our situation was somewhat similar in that the bio-grandparents received custody and then placed him with us for adoption because they felt that with his medical condition and their ages, he needed a younger family. We met our son in January and brought him home in May of the same year. Our situation was rather unique, but it is possible to have the courts assist with speeding up the process if health issues are involved. It is rare, but possible. Your best bet is to contact an attorney for assistance. Also, because you live in CA, and the child is in NJ, you will most probably have to go through the interstate compact before you can bring the child home. It's just paperwork that needs to be filed and approved but it can take up to 2 weeks and unfortunately, you aren't allowed to leave NJ until you receive the approval. We lived in PA, only about 10 minutes over the NJ/PA border, and we couldn't bring our son into PA until the paperwork was approved. Good luck to you.

Question: I am considering open adoption, relative or agency whats the best option? I'm 26 weeks and would like to put my baby up for adoption. I need advice on making the best choice, especially since me and the relative is so close.

Answer: I think your best choice is to make your decision after your baby is born. If you really do feel at that point, with your baby in your arms, that you do not love or want your baby, then maybe a family member can raise that baby for you. Parents are not substitutable or replacable. Your baby will always feel a loss of you. Adoptees often wonder "Why wasn't I good enough to raise?" "Why didn't you go to the trouble of cleaning up your act to raise me -- wasn't i worth it?" Anger and rejection are common: ("I had a good set of adoptive parents who are my REAL mom and dad - why would I want anything to do with the woman who abandoned me?"). If you want to be called "heartless abandoner" to your face (as many of us have been), then go ahead and surrender your baby. Society doesn't understand how anyone can give away someone they profess to love. And think about it: does it make sense? An unwanted or unplanned pregnancy does not mean an unwanted baby. You have 14 more weeks in which your hormones will change you to an incredible degree. The experience of birth will also cause emotional changes that may make your bond with your baby intense -- the most intense love you may ever feel in your life. There's nothing preventing you from making this decision only after your baby is born. There are plenty of resouces to help you. Oh, by the way, regarding adoption agencies -- 99% of them stay in business due to money paid by adoptive parents for babies -- they have a vested financial interest in persuading you to surrender your child.

Question: How much can I expect to pay (relative adoption)? How much can I expect to pay an attorney to adopt my 18-month-old niece if her mother voluntarily signs away her rights to the child's custody? What steps will we need to go through? Can I apply for an Adoption Grant to help cover the costs? About how long will the process be from beginning to end? If it matters, I live in Iowa.

Answer: I adopted my step daughter with her mother's consent. It cost $750 for the lawyer and $140 court filing fees. You need to call a family law attorney and ask how much they charge to do an uncontested adoption. They will tell you what the court filing fees are as well. What happened with us was, my husband, my daughter's first mother, and myself went to the lawyer to discuss what we wanted and to have the lawyer inform her first mother EXACTLY what adoption meant. ( I wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing and was 100% sure she wanted to) The papers were drawn up and we went back to the lawyer. Her first mom signed a "Voluntary termination of Parental Rights and Consent to Adop" paper. I signed a "Petition to Adopt" It was then filed and we were give a court date. My husband and I went to court and the judge asked me a few questions such as did I understand that the adoption was permanent and if my husband and I ever divorced, I could be held liable for child support should he get custody. I was asked did I realize that I had every responsibility to her that I had to the children that had been born to me. ANd then we were asked how stable our marriage was. It took maybe 5 inutes in court, then the judge signed the papers and that was that. I am not sure about adoption grants. Because this was a decision that myhusband, her first mom and I came to together we split the cost 50/50.

Question: Do you approve of international adoption by a biological relative? If the relatives of a child live in another country, and the child does not have in-country relatives who can care for him or her, would you approve of international adoption for that child? (I know some people prefer guardianship, but formal adoption is generally required for an immigrant visa to be issued to the child by the United States, because guardianship is not set up as a legally solid enough arrangement to meet US immigration requirements. Thus international guardianships are not currently a realistic option. So that's not an idea we can default to.) The child would still lose a major piece of their culture, language, and heritage not being raised in their country of origin. They would still be issued an amended birth certificate. Do you feel it's worth it to remain with biological family? Or would you prefer some kind of domestic option for the child even if it meant separation from living family members? Which is more important? Just curious.

Answer: I believe that there is no "blanket" way of handling adoption. Each one is different and should be "judged" on it's own individual issues and circumstances. At all times, I believe that the CHILD should be the focus of any decisions and his or her rights and interests should be protected. That being said: In my opinion, FIT (<---key factor), willing and able biological family members should be the first choice, regardless of where they live, in any adoption. Even if legal records "must" be altered, the child still has a greater chance of retaining the truth. (As you know I do feel that permanent guardianship is a more preferable option when available but when it is not, I think kinship placement is preferable to stranger adoption whenever possible.) If a child's family is living in a separate country from Chances are that even if they are in a different country, they will still have knowledge of the child's native language and culture. (Immigrants still retain their native tongues and traditions and missionary/expat's immediate families are generally "aware" of; if not well versed in, the other culture and language of their loved one's chosen countries.) The exceptions being distant relatives the child has never met, as AnnaBelle pointed out. In those cases, cases of older children (Does a 15 yo want to move to another country?), emotionally fragile children (children who would be poorly effected by such a drastic change in circumstances)or children who's interests are better served by staying in their native/home countries for some other reason should have the opportunity to do just that. Again, I feel that anytime a child needs to be placed away from their biological parents, it is the the CHILD that should have the emphasis and this question highlights the need for that kind of discretion. You asked what is more important, but I think that it depends on the child and the circumstances. There is no answer that will be right or wrong for every situation. The CHILD is most important.

Question: how do you feel about open adoptions within extended families? for example, what are some opinions about a cousin or aunt adopting the child or children from a teenage relative? it would definitely be an open adoption, but unlike other open adoptions the birth parent and the adopted parent would be intertwined in each others lives quite a bit. sorry if it doesn't sound like i am asking a specific question, i simply want opinions, experiences etc this is a happy functional extended family. its simply a matter of means, the teenage mother simply doesnt have the means to care for her baby and a close relative does.

Answer: I think it's a good thing, the child doesn't get the same 'mummy didn't want me' feeling that can sometimes come with outside adoption, still gets to see their birth mum, but is getting the care and support they need from an older mum. As long as the birth mum realises that the adopted mum has the final say in the child's life, that is.

Question: The relative value of adoption of a relationship approach to marketing versus a transactional approach?

Answer: Same as the difference between Japan (relationship) and USA (transactional) ..

Question: Looking for a relative who was given up for adoption? I have an aunt who gave a daughter up for adoption in 1956. I don't want to contact her, but other relatives and myself, have been curious about her ever since we found out about her (35 year after the fact). All I have to go on is her birth name, birthday date and that she was born in Philadelphia (and possibly and actress of some level). Where would I even begin? Is this even enough information?

Answer: Three of the best reunion registries: http://www.isrr.net/ http://registry.adoption.com/ http://gsadoptionregistry.com/ Register and check back with them often. These registries are open to ANY relatives. As an adopted adult, I can tell you I would have been asolutely thrilled if ANY member of my original family had gone to the trouble of searching for me! Best of luck finding your family member :) ETA here's a fantastic PA-specific registry http://home.comcast.net/~paadoptionreuni…

Question: How are non-blood relative adoption procedures dealt with? Im writing a story- it involves adoption but I know nothing about it. In the story a woman gets pregnant but leaves the baby's father (bec. he hits her), she goes off with her new boyfriend. This boyfriend promises to help raise the baby w/her as if its his own, but she dies during childbirth, without leaving any real/ legal specifications of where her child should go incase of her death. The boyfriend keeps his promise & takes care of the child, years later the real father comes back & wants the kid. How can the boyfriend kept the child who calls him "daddy"? Would he have any legal leeway? What would he have to go through to legally keep/adopt the child? Is it even possible since he is not a blood relative to the child or to the child's mother, and the real father is still alive and well (even though he was in jail for hitting the childs mom)? What if the real dad dies? I would really appreshiate it if any1 out there could help me bec. i want the story to be as actual as possible thx

Answer: You might want to find a legal adoption councleor who will tell you. there are different laws for different states also However.....we have adopted four kids. all the same mom. the first two we got at the same time, and the dad kept wanting to keep them but he had financial problems mental problems and just couldnt keep them plus he had a police record which didnt help. so we ended up adopting them (threw foster program) well the mom had two more boys and we started to foster them too. the mom gave up her rights, and one dad couldnt be found (both of these boys are 1/2 mexican) and one father wanted to keep the baby who was 6 months at the time, he really fought to keep him, but he couldnt keep a job, didnt have a legal US drivers Licence couldnt find a babysitter to watch him so he could work, he had a record of abuse, physical and mental towards the mom, and had a record of moving a lot from different appartments, he wanted to send the baby to Mexico to live with his family, but the baby was born in the US so he was a US citizen. anyway it was a hard process, but we did get him, and have an open adoption, not legally binding, but an understanding with the birth mom and one of the birth fathers, the last one that lets them come see the kids if they call me first. I am not sure if I gave you any ideas for your book to make things work, but if I can answer any more questions, or be of help, let me know.

Question: Is there a place to watch unfolding info on Haiti adoptions? On CNN they are talking about how no one knows what to do with all the orphaned children in Haiti. Some people have the opinion that they will go to their nearest relatives but many relatives are saying that they just can't afford it. Either way there will be a lot of children who need unconditional love and care that cannot be found in Haiti. The children who have come to the US already look so happy! Clinton urged adoptions to be expedited but how do I find a place with formal information on this?

Answer: Since it looks like you already have a young child (from your other questions) you might want to look at whether you could handle two children while yours is barley 8 months....And instead of fighting to get these adoptions hurried why dont you donate to a fund that will reunite them with their families! They need help...real help. not a quick fix of "oh here i'll just take you". They dont just need to be shipped out. Of course all the children that you have seen on CNN that have come to the US look thrilled...why would they put miserable children that are crying scared and traumatized on the news?? You want to help? Donate to helping them get reunited with their families (you said it yourself...they just cant afford it) Of course they cant afford it...but if people work together it will happen!!!

Question: How do you find a relative of yours that was put up for adoption? My cousin was put up for adoption as an infant because my Aunt was 16 at the time. The baby was a boy and is now 23 years old (I remember year he was born). I always wonder what he is like now, and since he is over 18yrs. old- is the adoption records now open for me to find him- if so, how do I go about finding him. Also, I live in Rhode Island and he was adopted by a family in Rhode Island.

Answer: I'm assuming your aunt is still alive, yes? Your best bet would be to talk her to see if she wants to search for her son. You can lend your support & help her search. If she is unwilling, please proceed causiously. Consider her feelings & her reasons for not wanting to search. If she isn't alive, talk to your mom or another aunt or uncle. Enlist their help if possible. Rhode Island allows the siblings of deceased birth parents to initiate contact by mutual consent. Then start with what you DO know. For example, baby boy, born in 19XX, in (City), Rhode Island & adopted in Rhode Island. Include your aunt's statistics. Her age at time of his birth, etc. Add the information you have to the following adoption registries. http://www.isrr.net/ http://registry.adoption.com/ Unfortunately, Rhode Island isn't an "Open Records" state, meaning that your cousin as an adoptee will not be able to obtain a copy of his original birth certificate upon request. Here's a link to information about searching in Rhode Island: http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?… Check for helpful information about searching here: http://www.bastards.org/library/search.h… I hope this helps. Good Luck!

Question: Relative Adoption Home Study? I need some information and haven't been able to find it online. My uncle's fiance is pregnant and they want to give their baby up for adoption due to many personal reasons. So they approached my husband and I and we agreed to adopt. I've been doing lots of research on it and, since we are all in complete agreement, we have decided to do it without a lawyer. My only question is: With a relative adoption, is the home study still needed? I know they will obviously need a background check, etc, but will they come to my house and everything too? Some websites said I will still need a home study, others said that with it being a much simpler type of adoption, I would not need one as thorough--especially since we're doing it independently. Thanks for any help you are able to give!

Answer: Independent adoptions are usually completed without an agency, but still require a lawyer. You will have to appear before the judge several times and make sure that all legal documents are properly filed to terminate the birth parents legal custody and officially adopt. I recommend calling around to family lawyers and finding someone with experience who will handle the adoption for a flat fee (usually $2,000-$5,000). Remember, you can receive a tax credit of up to $12,000 in adoption related expenses, so most likely you will be reimbursed every penny. It is worth it for the piece of mind knowing that no one can come back years later and take your child away because of a technical mistake. If you still prefer to handle the legal aspects alone, then I recommend that you contact the county clerk. They can usually help make sure you file the correct paper work and assign a court-appointed social worker (usually cheaper) to complete the required home study. You will need background checks and a home visit, but requirements vary by state, county, and even judge! Best wishes! BK

Question: For a relative adoption? Is it normal to fly 1300 miles to pick up an abused baby who is related to my husband and first of all be told that we weren't taking him (we used all our cell minutes on the phone with a ton of people who dropped their lives on a Friday to make it happen) and then when we get him home, they send a different social worker to spy on us almost every week? I'm tired of this and I just want to live a normal life with my husband and son! What should I do? I wish it was only once a month! WE're talking almost every week!

Answer: Get used to social workers being around for a while. They are checking on the child and doing what they think is best. Hopefully you don't have anything to hide, be very open and honest and inviting to them and don't make it seem like you have anything to hide and they will leave you alone in a short time. Just be patient.

Question: how does person adoption a child from a relative sorry my spelling is awful?

Answer: Thats a wonderful gesture-and a big responsibility. If the parent and the prospective parents visit the local Department of Human Services office-they can speed the process. They even provided my husband and I with an attorney because we couldn't afford it. We became legal guardians first-that was paid. Then we proceeded with adoption when we had the money. That way their Mom couldn't have any say at all in their lives-and that became a problem. Good luck.

Question: How do I find an adopted relative? She would be my half sister.. [through my mum] Born in 1984 in London, but thats the only information I have.. She was put up for adoption, and I am nearly 16, is there any way for me to find her.. None of my other relatives want to find her, they think that if she wants to find us she will.. But I don't know.... I just want to get in contact with her, Any information would do.. Thank you

Answer: The best place to start is the births/deaths & marriages registry for a small fee they can help you find her original then subsequent birth certificate. From there you can check electoral roles or phone books to find her. If she has moved country, then you may need to check immigration records. All are available to the general public, but there is a $$$$ (not usually high) to access the information. Good luck

Question: is a physical required for relative placement adoption through sociaal services in north carolina?

Answer: i think so. most states require a simple physical for adoption and/or fostering to adoption.

Question: relative adoption? My sister in law is pregnant, but she is only 16 years old and knows that she more than likely can not raise the baby. Me and my husband have offered to adopt the baby so that it can stay in the family, which would be better for everyone involved here, but I'm completely clueless on the whole process. I live in Michigan and both of the parents are here too. I heard it was simple and relatively cheap, but I don't know what that would involve. Approximately how much would we have to pay (we are having our own child a month and a half earlier, so we won't exactly be banking lol), and what is the procedure (how long, court appearances, social worker coming to our house, etc.?) I'm sorry for all of the questions, but any insight would be greatly appreciated. I just want to be able to get into this knowing what I'm doing. Thanks to anyone willing to help out! Both of the parents know of it and are appreciative. We approached them with the option when they discussed adoption and they were both relieved to know that they can keep the baby in their lives without the added responsibility. They both said that they could not handle never being able to see their baby again and to have the option of being able to see it whenever they want by someone that they trust is the best option so far for them since they can not take care of it themselves. oh, and the baby will definitely know that it is adopted...we have no choice regardless since I am due a month and a half before this one lol. This is all legitimate with all parties involved, and we are just looking at where to begin in the whole process. =)

Answer: I actually have a family member who adopted my sister's child, and we live in Michigan. As far as I know they said it wasn't too terribly expensive, and didn't take very long. If you would like I can check with them on the attorney and process they went through and get the information to you? Feel free to contact me via email....

Question: How to find a long lost relative? My grandma just told me that in 1954, she had a baby boy that she gave up for adoption. How can I go about finding my long lost uncle, with only his year of birth, sex, location of birth and hair color to go by?

Answer: If your grandma told you where she gave birth, you may be able to find the exact date of birth your grandma had her little boy in the State's birth indexes. You may need some time and patience to go through the entire year, but it's worth it in the end! I heard of a case recently where man found his family via dna genealogy. Best of luck finding your relative(s) - you may find more than just the one, you know! check out dna genealogy at ancestry.com and familytreedna.com :) ETA Here's the article I mentioned: Family Secrets: An Adopted Man's 26-Year Quest for His Father Richard Hill Uses Latest DNA Techniques And Lots of Shoe Leather to Solve a Riddle http://online.wsj.com/article/SB12412192…

Question: How can you find a long lost relative? My grandmother had a daughter before my oldest uncle and put her up for adoption. My mother, aunt, and I would like to find her. However, my grandmother either doesn't know her name or won't tell us. All I know is her last name (if she didn't get married) and where she might be living.

Answer: I think you ae based the USA, if so try the site below http://zabasearch.com/ if this does not work then contact the Salvation Army they are very good at finding people. Good luck and good hunting