Traditional Adoption

Question: Anyone have any information on the foster-to-adopt program or traditional adoption? My husband and I currently reside in TX and are looking to foster-to-adopt or adopt a child. Any personal experience you would like to share with us would be appreciated. If any of you know anything specific about being active duty military and wanting to adopt, any specifics on that would be great. Thanks

Answer: We foster-to-adopted in Texas. The process was easy, time consuming, but easy. First, you need to contact your local CPS office and talk to them. They will give you the names of different organizations in your area that train foster, foster-to-adopt, and adopt-only parents. These organizations are paid by the state, and so are free to you. They will enroll you in the needed classes/training, perform your home study, and generally help you through the process. You will need to get your home inspected by licensing, the health department, and the fire department. We were foster-to-adopt, it took two years from starting our training to a final adoption. We adopted brothers. Here is some information and advice: - In training, they will make a point of giving you the worse case scenario for these kids. They will talk about kids with major behavioral and physical problems, kids on multiple medications, etc. However, this is the worst case scenario, don't think that all foster care kids are high demand. - If you want to adopt only, then trying to adopt younger kids can take a long time (many people want younger kids and so there is more competition). Willing to foster and willing to take 'legal risk' kids increases your chances significantly. Legal risk is when there is a case history with CPS to suggest being placed for adoption is likely. - The most important reason to adopt through the state is because you are helping kids in real need of a good home. However, another benefit is it will cost you nothing. I have family who privately adopted and it cost them over $10,000 (and this was 15 years ago), and frankly, the process they went through wasn't any easier or fast than ours. Save your money to spend on the kid(s). - When we started the process, we originally were only going to adopt a single young (under 3) child. However, in Texas, there are benefits to adopting siblings and older kids. For example, if you adopt siblings, minority, or older kids the state will pay for their college.

Question: Other than the traditional adoptions, is there any other way to adopt a child? I don't have the finances to go through the traditional adoptions.

Answer: There are some programs that allow you to host an older foreign child with the hopes of moving towards adoption...call an adoption agency and ask if they can steer you towards someone in your area that may know more about it.

Question: Traditional Surrogate with donor sperm = Adoption? My sister is going to act as a traditional surrogate for me and I am not married. So it obviously has to be donated sperm. I heard that this method of surrogacy causes the intended parent to have to adopt the child. Does this mean a full blown adoption? As in, I have to meet all the criteria, have a perfect house and perfect income, perfect family members and go through a home study with the never ending social workers? OR: Can I just get a lawyer and ask him to write up a pre birth order to turn the child over to me? SO CONFUSED! But I want a baby so bad.

Answer: First of all, do some reading on the emotional harm that surrogacy has on the children. You want a child so bad but you need to THINK about the child. Its not all about what you want. I just wanted to stop by and say that plus, the home study is no big deal. LOL. You do not need the perfect home or family at all. You can be on welfare in a trailer and adopt a child. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "never ending social workers". It only takes a month or 2 and there is only one visit to your home. Again, no big deal.

Question: Broke from infertility. Is it possible to find a traditional surrogate that doesn't cost so much? We would like to adopt a baby but the costs of an agency are so far beyond our budget. We would like to find a traditional surrogate or a private adoption situation without an agency. Also we are willing to compensate a surrogate but we have limited financial resources. Can you help us?

Answer: I am a gestational surrogate and so I might be able to answer your question. There are many women who would like to be traditional surrogates and would do so for reasonable compensation for the right couple. Check out the surrogacy message boards, I don't know if I can mention them here, but you can post ads there and I know many surrogates who found their perfect couple via that route. Just don't put in your ad that you have a small budget. It's not that surrogates are necessarily doing it for the money, but it just makes a person sound like they will nickel and dime the whole way through. If you come across as genuine, then you will find your perfect match. Good luck!

Question: Is the whole adoption process corrupted by egotistical individuals? Do you think single parents should be able to adopt children? Or should the traditional two-parent family be the only one aloud? Adoption has become a prohit organization. Adoption agencies no longer care about the children, but do care about the money. Couples who want to adopt children have to practically jump through flaming hoops to even be considered for adoption. Than once the couple has the baby, five years later the wonderful biolocial, drugged-up mother can take back the baby. I know a couple who waited five years for a baby than just before they got him; the birthmother changed her mind. It broke their hearts, thanfully, another five years later they got a beautiful baby girl. Single parents should be able to adopt children, so should homosexuals. If the child is in foster care than isn't better for them to have a loving home, even if it's not "traditional", compared to the living nightmare that is foster care? What do you think?

Answer: In most states single parents can adopt. There are still states that don't allow homosexual adoption. As for taking the child back the birth mother has 30days to change her mind. It is a big decision so they do give that window. I am in the process of trying to adopt now and once parental ties have been severed they can not come back the cases you have seen about five years later used to happen when parents forced their teen to give the child up for adoption against their will. That is no longer allowed and young girls are given counseling about their decisions and they have the 30 days after they give up to changed their mind. In 30days you go to court and you have the adoption finalized. As for people waiting forever for children part of the problem is the adoptive parents. They have very specific ideas of kids they want and the more restrictions you put on the longer it will take. Most people only want a baby and their aren't that many babies in this country or abroad. The babies that go up for adoption are generally done in private adoption and are very expensive. The kids in foster care are taken later on usually when the parents mess up. No one wants a kid even a 3 year old. They also often times only want a white child when there are great kids of all races that need adoption.

Question: anti adoption groups: what do you think about surrogacy? What's is your opinion on surrogacy (both traditional and gestational). As with adoption the birth mother is abandoning the child that she shared in her womb for nine long months, and unlike adoption with surrogacy your actually making a baby - with the actual intention to then give that baby away upon birth. That most be much worst right?

Answer: I really can't call myself "anti-adoption", since I'm an adoptive parent...That'd be pretty disingenuous, I think. LOL I just think adoption should be necessary and rare, primarily for children in foster care who genuinely need homes...But, I digress. Personally, surrogacy icks me out in a huge way. It is intentionally creating an adoptee. Seems cruel to me. I try to explain it to people who might not get it with the phrase "life over limb". Adoption, like amputation, should be the best case scenario of really crappy circumstances. If it's between losing your arm, or losing your life, losing your arm can be a bit of a relief, though still a tough thing to grieve. If you lost your arm for absolutely no good reason, it would be beyond tragic, would it not? It would be an injustice of epic proportions...Both are equal reason to grieve, but the circumstances behind the two are entirely different. Most newborn adoptions are unnecessary enough; to actually plan to create an adoptee is totally disgusting. Why set someone up for a loss that simply does not need to happen? ETA: WOW! @*Little Redhead Mermaid*...As clichés go, you sure trotted out some gooders. You need to stick around and actually hear from some adoptees before purporting to know how they feel. Yikes.

Question: Financing & cultural challenges to getting more green energy adoption? I'm curious to hear what some of the financing & cultural challenges are to getting traditional energy companies to adopt green technologies? In particular, I know that many green energy sources require significant up-front investment today to capture the benefits of potentially grid-parity kwh production in the future. How does financing work in the energy industry today around the world and is it possible that the way energy production is financed might hinder large investments? Also, what some of the cultural challenges to green adoption? For example, are $/Watt and $/kwh even the right metrics to use when thinking about the economics of adopting green technologies?

Answer: Every source of energy takes huge up front investments. You can't produce electricity with coal unless you build the plant. The government has subsidized most forms of energy, so I don't see any differences between dirty energy and clean. The only real difference is wind, solar, tidal etc, won't be held hostage by suppliers or market conditions. We just need more people like T. Boone Pickens to see there are ways to make money off of the technology and it will happen. Culturally, the challenge is to show people we can continue to live a comfortable lifestyle and conserve energy. We can solve a lot more problems by cutting back on demand than rushing projects to meet demand.

Question: Is it harder to get a "closed" adoption? it seems open adoption is becoming more and more common, but I don't like the idea of that. I could still adopt a baby through traditional completely closed adoption, right? I live in the US and would want it to be domestic.

Answer: Since the openness of an adoption cannot be enforced in most cases I'd say that all adoptions are essentially closed to begin with. Even if it's agreed that it's open at the start, if either sets of parents change their mind and things slam shut there is not much that can be done about it. Thats one of the main complaints that many people here have. BTW, both of my adoptions are closed. One was international and there was nobody on the other end to be open with and the one that was domestic was decided to be closed by CAS, given the bio's history. Even if they had not made the decision at the time PGO was granted, my wife and I would have given the drug and criminal history of both birth parents.

Question: Info on adoption and orphanages and fostering.? Hi, my husband and I would like the addition of a baby girl into our family. The biggest issue for us is helping a child in need. If anyone has experience and knowledge on this that would be very helpful. I am considering all three because traditional adoption can be soooo expensive and I feel that it's really sad especially when there are millions of kid's sitting in orphanages and in foster care not getting any love and affection when they could be in a safe and loving family.

Answer: As a practical matter there are few babies available through social services in the U.S. The older children that are available come with a lot of baggage. I have adopted two. My kids are absolutely amazing, but they also went through two failed adoptions with people who were well intentioned but did not have a clue in the world about dealing with rather routine problems. One family that intended to adopt my kids started out wanting a baby, but as it became clear that babies were not readily available, they got impatient and started looking for older children. The other family knew my kids through church and thought they were doing "the right thing" by taking them in. Both situations failed miserably. 1) Do not expect adopting a child--particularly an older child--to be the same as raising a child from infancy. Love, patience and humor can overcome a lot, but it does not change what the child has been through. Babies who were neglected may have suffered harm they may never fully overcome. 2) Do not expect the child to be grateful anytime before the age of 30. This seemed to play a huge role in both failed adoptions my kids went through. The parents felt they were doing a good deed by giving my kids a "good home"; and were taken aback when nothing they did was ever appreciated. My son tells me nearly every day that I'm the second best mom in the world. That's on the good days (and most are good). If that's not good enough for you, do not adopt. 3) There are not a lot of happy, mentally stable people who give up their children for adoption. Expect mental health issues, both biological and environmental, and utilize mental health care options. 4) Don't adopt a social services child to save money. 5) Be willing to deal patiently, calmly and forgivingly with lying, stealing, bed-wetting, sleep walking, anger, picky eating, nightmares, despair, inappropriate conduct, inappropriate language, etc. and the effect these will have on your biological children. 6) I recommend that an adopted child be either an only child, that you only have adopted children, or that the adopted child be significantly younger than any biological children. In many ways it will be a little like a sick or disabled child, in that it will take more time than a confident, well adjusted child. That said, there is no one formula for success. 7) Be willing to ask for and accept help from your community and don't make any commitment you will not follow through on. Failed adoptions are of no help to a child who has already lost everything. All this said, you are right, there are millions of children that need homes. If you can truly provide a loving forever home, go for it. One way to get to know some children is to provide respite care--short term foster care to relieve the primary foster care parents.

Question: Embryo adoption & African American? Has anyone had any success with it? Please, this a simple question. I'm researching this as well as traditional adoption. Do not post negative opinions. If there are any links for, embryo adoptions by african american couples, please advise. Thanks for your help.

Answer: i'm not sure about embryo adoptions, but you could look into having a surrogate as well, you might be able to find more infor on embryo transfers here, try fertilityties.com best of luck!!!!!!

Question: Is it possible to find a Traditional Surrogate that doesn't cost so much ?!? We are almost Broke from infertility. Is it possible to find a traditional surrogate that doesn't cost so much? We would like to adopt a baby but the costs of an agency are so far beyond our budget. We would like to find a traditional surrogate or a private adoption situation without an agency. Also we are willing to compensate a surrogate but we have limited financial resources. Can you help us?

Answer: Actually, there is some hope. There is a place in India, that has a surragate clinic with mothers' to be volunteering in record numbers. It isn't that bad, cost wise either. Below is a link to the first article I found. But there are tons more. http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/features/womb-rent-surrogate-mothers-india I wish you luck.

Question: Need good ideas for a baby/adoption shower? My daughter and son in law are adopting an 18 month old from Ethiopia. We need some ideas for an adoption celebration party. They will be traveling to bring their daughter home after the party. I know many traditional baby shower games but wanted to know if anyone has some ideas that might relate to the adoption part.

Answer: My daughter is blind so we had a braille cake that said "welcome home" and braille games. She is also Indian so we did some games about her culture. Do something that honors the childs race/heritage/country as many people are curious anyway. People at our shower had tons of questions and the games helpped us talk openly about everything. Perhaps a cake with the Ethiopian flag and games about the country. A good idea might be a blank map of Africa as a placemat. Whoever fills in the most countries names correctly gets a prize.

Question: I need Help locationg a company to work with a lesbian couple in adoption? We are a lesbian couple and we have the means of having a child ourselves but I was adopted and when my partner and I spoke about this we decided that we would really like to give a child the same great experience I had. We are in Arizona and we are hoping to find someone that has worked with an agency or lawyer around us or knows of one that does work in Arizona that has a reputation of working with non traditional families. We really look forward to expanding our family! Thanks in advance for the helpful feedback.

Answer: I would speak to an adoption lawyer. The following website lists some of the rules for adoptive parents who are gay: http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayparentingadoption/a/gaycoupleadopt.htm An adoption lawyer in your area would be able to tell you the legal issues that you may face as a gay couple. My husband and I faced discrimination by our state agency because his parents are lesbians. A lawyer would help you to figure out how to proceed (single parent v. two-parent adoption for example). Here is a website that has names of lawyers who may be able to help: http://articles.directorym.com/GayLesbian_Adoption_and_Parenting_Arizona-r935265-Arizona.html

Question: What do you think about embryo adoption? I had always thought of embryo adoption as an anonymous donation from a donors where both sides would never know anything about the other, however, now in many cases it's treated as any other adoption where a homestudy is completed, and a couple with remaining frozen embryos chooses the family that will "adopt" them. Here's a link to better explain how it works. http://www.embryodonation.org/adoption.html Do you think this is a better way of handling this then just "donating" them to a random couple? Do you think this is better, worse or the same then traditional adoption of an infant? Will these children have any of the same issues that a child who is "traditionally" adopted may have? If you were born under these curcumstances, do you think you would still cansider yourself "adopted" even though the "adoptive" mother is the one who carried you and gave birth to you? How I look forward to hearing opinions on this, I'm not quite sure how to answer some of those questions myself Also, do you think that the "adoptive" mother would have a much stronger bond with the child because she not only raised the child, but also carried him and gave birth, or do you think that genetics still plays a very important role in that "bond"? Also, how would you refer to the couple donating the embryos? "Birthparents" definetly wouldn't work. "natural" and "biological" don't seem to quite fit either. Tobit, I agree that that the process of creating many embryos that often become "left over" doesn't seem right, but I do wonder, if the embryos already are inexistance, and it's not possible for them to be used by the original couple, is it better to allow some one else to "adopt" them, or is it better to dispose of them. I ask this not in reguards to whether it would help an infertile couple, but which would be better/ more ethical in reguards to the child that may be born as a result.

Answer: This is probably the least painful way of dealing with adoption. The mom who would have a very strong bond severed doesn't have the same opportunity to create that bond, the infant in question doesn't have to transfer the bond,and the adoptive parents get to bond with the baby from the time of implantation. HOWEVER... like all voluntary adoptions these adoptions should be COMPLETELY open with contact and updated medical histories. Birth certificates need to be re-vamped to allow for genetic parents & adoptive parents to both be reflected on the official court documents. Anonymous donation of sperm, eggs or embryos should be outlawed.

Question: The adoption of neoconfucianism by the ming dynasty during the 14th century was primarily motivated by? a) rejection of traditional chinese thinkers b) need for competent govt. administrators c) desire to continue Mongol practices in China d) arrival of Jesuit missionaries in China e) goal of becoming a sea-based empire

Answer: B

Question: Adoption Tax Credit on a Roth IRA conversion I have over a $12K adoption tax credit I'm trying to burn up. Last year, I converted most of my retirement from a traditional to a Roth IRA. We have 2 kids, and I thought I would get $2K for the child tax credit ($1K per child). However, after I filled out everything, I only got about $400 back. I was shocked to find out that converting from a traditional to a Roth used my child tax credit FIRST, then used my adoption tax credit. Can someone explain this? I'm thinking about converting the rest of my retirement to a Roth, but if it takes away our child tax credit, then it doesn't seem worth it. Thanks in advance for your answers.

Answer: When you convert a Traditional IRA to a Roth you pay income tax on the conversion amount. There's no way to avoid that. You don't pay the 10% penalty but taxes are due. Credits of any type reduce your tax dollar for dollar. The sequence that they are applied is based upon the law. Most credits are non-refundable meaning that they only reduce your tax liability to $0. Any unused credit at that point is lost. If you are taking a tax hit on the conversion then the credits are doing their job, i.e. reducing your tax liability. Look at the bright side here, at least you're not having to write a check as some folks do. Over time a Roth will always work out better for you unless you are very close to retirement age. That's because with a Roth the money is taxed going in but all gains are TAX FREE on the other end. With a Traditional IRA you do get some tax benefit now but the gains are taxable as ordinary income when you withdraw them.

Question: Let me re-phrase closed adoption question? Sorry. I wasn't clear enough. My original question was: "it seems open adoption is becoming more and more common, but I don't like the idea of that. I could still adopt a baby through traditional completely closed adoption, right? I live in the US and would want it to be domestic." I need to add that I want nothing to do with the foster system and want to adopt from birth. Thanx! It has nothing to do with secrecy-I'll tell them whatever they want to know. I just don't want the birth parents in the picture. OK so I think I got my facts straight-if i'm up front about it it will take way longer, but if I agree to open they'll know my personal info. if i agree to semi-open and then just cut off communication I'll get a child faster and they wont be able to ever find my child. Correct? Thank you Sweet and Spicy! You actually get my point! If they're going to give up their kid, they have no right to interfere with what will essentially be MY child.

Answer: I think that closed adoption is the best and should be the only. When someone gives up a baby they should be out of there life forever. Good luck and I hope that you get a closed adoption.

Question: Why are liberals so AGAINST a traditional family? MOM DAD and kids having been born AFTER marriage. You are FOR - GAYS (and gay marriage and adoption), illegitimate children (should not force marriage), and all sorts of bad behaviors.

Answer: You are correct. Liberals want us as a society to ACCEPT all their deviant behavior - they know it's wrong but don't want to be "judged" for it. My stoner "friends" back in High School didn't want to be judged for smoking pot either. They said is was okay and that I should try it. They got extremely MAD at me for never doing it and were mean. BUT, 10 years later at our reunion, they said how PROUD they were to be my friend and that I was great for being so strong and not doing bad things. You see - they grew up. Libs live in a perpetual state of immaturity.

Question: what exactly is a "traditional" family? are they talking about family that do not have 1. adoption 2. a single parent 3. no-parents (raised bu aunts, uncles, brothers) 4. have less than 4 children? what exactly describes a "traditional" family to the point where transgenders and gays are not allowed? and how many of these families exist??? 2.5 children? i have never seen half a child.

Answer: Others have described the concept pretty well: Heterosexual man (white, of course) who works in an office somewhere (never blue collar worker). He's the head of the household. All other members of the family are submissive to him. He may or may not have been a virgin on his wedding day. Boys will be boys, after all. Heterosexual woman. Who is shorter and lighter than he is, younger, and happy being submissive to her husband's wishes. She is also white. She has no life worth mentioning except for her house, family and church. If she is involved in anything outside the home it will be raising funds for the library or the opera. It goes without saying that she was a virgin on their wedding day. Two kids, possibly three but no more than four. One boy, who is the oldest child, one girl as the second child. The others, if any, can be of either sex. All children are respectful of their parents and other adults. They refer to their parents as "Father" and "Mother" and other adults as "Mr Smith" or "Mrs. Jones". Definitely not by their first names. They have one cute mutt as a pet. They live in a single family house in a nice suburb with pleasant - but never ostentatious - landscaping. There are no African Americans, Asians or Hispanics in the neighborhood. The children may have one token non-white classmate but no more than that. Their income is comfortable. They never have to worry about making the mortgage payment. I've never met a family like that. They may exist somewhere - just not in any neighborhood where I lived. The "Traditional family" is a fantasy that ignores all the unpleasant parts of life. Like domestic violence and child sex abuse. Those are swept under the rug. They are NEVER talked about. It also ignores anyone who is not 110% u. No one in this fantasy land ever violates the standard concepts of what a man should be like (i.e. John Wayne). He's sensitive but never ever effeminate. She is a perfect woman and wife (look at the link to the Snopes site below for a page from a 1950's Home economics text) In brief, the "Traditional Family" is a of the imagination of people who are afraid of change. To these people I'll say "Things ain't as good as they to be - and they never was!"

Question: Legally is gay marriage less beneficial than traditional? If not should it be? Ok we all know that politics & laws here are based on religion. Allowing gay marriage over civil union would be wrong regarding religious politics. But really the institution of marriage includes & EXPECTS procreation. Why should gay couples benefit from certain tax breaks when they cannot procreate? I am not saying this is the only advantage for marriage. Regarding gay marriage there are alot more different advantages than civil union in terms of taxes, inheritance, insurance, adoption, other legal precedents, etc. So can we really give gays the same advantages as traditional couples or should we cut some off? Like we do with single parent vs 2parent-household, 1child vs 5 children, citizens vs refugees, etc. to Homophobic: Actually i do read the Bible. I'm Catholic and striaght but would like to know get some knowledge on the subject. To those who say some hetero couples cannot procreate...like i said, they would not get the same incentives couples with children have. So should gays only get those incentives IF they adopt children?

Answer: Based on what religion? Some religions accept homosexuality, so you can't possibly argue the sanctity of religion... and where is there a clause about procreation? what about heterosexual couples who cannot procreate? should they not be allowed to marry either? Frankly, in my line of work i have met a lot of people with children and the tax breaks and goverment aide they get are ridiculous. Why do you think welfare is so messed up? The truth of the matter is that marriage is a joke. 1 out of 3 marriages end up in divorce anyway. All gay marriage is going to do, is increase the divorce rate (no offense to my people, but we jump into stuff too fast and then jump ship at the same rate)... now that everyone will hate me for that comment... i'm half asleep and had nothing else to do... thanks for the convo piece. take care! =)