Marriage Protection Week

Question: I slept with a guy unprotected after my marriage broke down and now I regret it and could also be pregnant? I slept with a guy last night who is 20 years old (I'm 24) and he is in a rock band but has no real solid job. I met him over the internet after my marriage broke down and I became depressed. This guy's carefree attitude really attracted me to him even though he made it clear he only wanted me for sex. I slept with him last night without any protection whatsoever and he came inside of me and I'm scared I will be pregnant. I only did this because I split up with my husband and one week later my husband found another girl and was going out with her and I felt awful so I was just on the rebound. I don't know what to do. But now I feel like I want the baby if I was pregnant - I'm very suicidal at the moment and a baby (even if it is for some 20 year old unemployed skunk) would give me a reason to live I think...please help

Answer: Well...being suicidual is not really the time to have a baby.....I would get counseling....asap!!!!! And also go to a clinic to get checked for std's!!!!!

Question: What kind of marriage is this? My friend was just released from jail for domestic violence against his wife and drug abuse. His wife dropped all charges and the temporary order of protection and freed him from jail after a week. They are both addicted to perscription drugs. They both deny that they have a problem. They are both in therapy separately but she told him that they couldn't go to marriage counseling because the insurance wouldn't cover it. He has been in therapy before but He told me yesterday that he felt he had no choice in going back to her because she basically can make or break him with the charges. She is basically holding the domestic violence charge against him so that he doesn't leave her. Does this sound like a marriage that will last?

Answer: Of course it won't last. It's been a marriage of "convenience", it seems. Both of them sharing their dangerous habits, and needing each other to bail themselves out of jail. Sort of like "birds of feather, flock together" arrangement to me. When a woman has an abusive husband, even if she is also an addict, it's best to run away, as the only future in that type of marriage is death, or more mental illness.

Question: Since a week, have lil red spots on my penis head, soreness undercover & itchy feeling? Since 2 week (not sure if it is on use of condom) i have lil red spots on my penis head, itchy feeling, No fever or body rash, Sore throat for past couple of weeks and is gone now, i am uncircumcised. Serious marriage relationship with my partner for 7yrs, use latex condom always, use protection for all sexual contacts, Stupid move: Aug 09 had "1 time" protected sex with unknown lady who i met at club. Out of guilt & reassurance got done ELISA Test type 1 & 2 "Non-Reactive" at 6 weeks, and 16 weeks..If because of condom, then why did not rash appear in so many previous years. What could have been wrong now? Please help..!!!

Answer: might seem really weird coming from a girl, but you dont worry you just have an infection for some reason or another. Put yeast infection cream on it, if it doesnt go away in a few days see a doctor.

Question: Can marriage be saved after violent incident? My husband exploded in a rage, and caused bruises. I filed a police report, got a protection order, and I will be seeing a counselor next week. I miss him and the kids so much (his kids), and would do anything to get my family back. This happened only a week ago. I have no money. He has said that he would like us to see a counselor. It was so out of character of him to do what he did, however he did it, and that scares me. I have talked with him since, and he has calmed down, but will that come back? Will counseling work? I have heard once an abuser always an abuser. Is getting out of control, making someone labeled as an abuser? Everything I have seen so far on the internet says that a woman shouldn't stay in a situation when someone has become violent. People make mistakes. People snap, and there is stresses of life. Some handle easier than others. When is it past the reconciliation stage? When is it forgivable? Does marriage/couples counseling work?

Answer: Sorry to hear about your situation. You must be strong and do what is best for you. I mean it. Abusive men, liars and cheaters, and people addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn or other things DO NOT change. Very few can actually improve, and only IF they seek professional therapy or counseling. You have to understand something. Everybody understands the word "love" differently. Some relationships are healthy ones because the people in them are honest and kind to each other. But some, like yours, are toxic and unhealthy because one spouse (your husband) is abusive and makes you feel bad. What happens is that in most of these toxic marriages, the dynamic is strange. People in them feel OK about them; but to outsiders they are sick. You sound like you are a "codependant". This means that although a part of your mind understands that he is not good for you; another bigger part is making you doubt yourself and is making you try to think he is not so bad after all. And this is a sign that you are already ill yourself. So please get help.Go to therapy- alone. Deal with your issues and hear what a trained and unbiased professional has to say about your marriage. Abuse is NEVER right; and if you do not love and respect yourself you cannot expect others to love or respect you, either. Good luck ...BE STRONG and SEEK HELP!

Question: how to deal with my sexless marriage? My husband didn't wanna make love to me ever since we got married. I think he was getting tired of doing it everyday of the 5 day honeymoon. He had been with a few grfrnds for years but he was my first, that too after the wedding. It went from once a week to once in three weeks to a month within a couple months of the marriage. He used to show interest in me sexually b4 we got married but not much after. The only time we do it is if its been like three weeks or so and I have complained and fought and cried enough times. I feel like crap. I can't share this wid my friends or family. Its barely been two years. I can count how many times we've done it. He says he loves me and takes care of me best he can but just isn't interested in doing it. We don't even do it on our birthdays. I'm almost 27, he's 34. Initially after the wedding, his family lived wid us, caused a lot of drama n issues. I don't know when or how he got turned off but he did and I'm tired of arguing, crying abt it. Conversations abt this matter don't go far cuz he says that's all I think abt. We work together, there always has been stress but we're in a better position than we used to. Still, nothing. He did admit that it wasn't like this wid his other gfs. I have gained weight after the wedding due to stress. Don't know what to do. He says he wants a child but I don't know if I can hold on to this marriage as is n bring a baby in the middle of it. We don't use protection but I haven't gotten pregnant yet. He's beginning to think there might be something wrong wid me widout realizing that u actually have to do IT before expecting a baby. Sex isn't everything but its still new to me. I enjoy it and wanna share it wid him. I've tried everything from the sexiest lingerie to candles to massage oils. Nothing Works. And not to be conceited, but there's been more than enough men wanting to be wid me-most peopke find me exotic, I guess I broke a lot of hearts when I got married ...maybe this is karma. I don't wanna lose my husband but I don't wanna lose myself either. Help! He is not gay!

Answer: I was in this situation and I stopped mentioning it to him. I didn't even bring the subject up. I went on with my life and did things that made me feel good about myself. I found ways to improve me every day. I didn't base my self esteem in whether he found me attractive or not. It worked he became curious as to why I didn't seem to care if he wanted to be intimate or not. When he first approached me to be intimate I didn't make it easy for him. Now he is the one that wants to be intimate and he is the one that has to entice me to be intimate. Men like the chase. So when you and your husband got married he thinks it is there when ever he wants it and doesn't have to work for it. So throw off your depression, exercise it increases endorphins, eat healthy foods, they just make you feel better, set goals that will make you feel good about accomplishing, make new friends that are positive. Take pride in your appearance and most of all do not act as if you miss being intimate with him. Hug and kiss your husband but if he tries to take it further pull away for awhile. You will start to see him approach you more and more. It is not playing games it is you focusing on you and using this time to make you feel stronger and better about yourself. You will be attracting him instead of pushing him away. Good luck.

Question: How do i tell my parents that i am pregnant? I am 17 years old and i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years we just recently started to have intercourse a lil after my 17th birthday. I was always wanting to wait till marriage but that was a hard decision to follow. My parents want so much for me and i wanted more for myself also. My boyfriend and i always use protection but one day the condom broke! My period is a week late right now and it is usually regular. I'm not sure if i am pregnant or not but im worried that if i am...i wouldnt know how to tell my family! I know that no matter what i want to keep the baby but im just worried of their reactions! Whats a good way to break it to them?

Answer: Get a pregnancy test. The e.p.t comes with two. Use one on a Monday and use the other on the following Monday. Waite another week before you take the tests. You might be irregular because of the fact that you are now starting to have sex. Different hormones and things like stress or change of diet can make you irregular also. You will know for sure after 3 weeks of no period. "Don't jump the gun" Tell them if you are sure.. Tell them both at same time and start with................. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and we love/like and plan to get married or be together. Then tell them that you are sexually active with him and only him, but only since you turned 17 and that you have always used protection. Explain that you want them to understand that you and your boyfriend have discussed the future with or without kids and that you and your boyfriend agree that what ever happends you both will make that proper decisions for the child. Then tell them.... He was wearing a condom and the condom broke, I know that I am pregnant and I do plan to keep it no matter what. Then cry a little, but be adult and strong. End it with..... No matter what I hope you both will accept me, my child and my boyfriend, because I really want you both to be as great of grandparents to this child as you have been parents. Compliment with guilt with reality.... Good luck Just so you don't think this is wierd I am trey6z wife.......ha ha ha ha This might be wierd from a dude.... I think the spell check is broke ..........

Question: Can husband claim spousal abuse with order of protection? He has moved out. He is pending green card status his daughter VISA is temp till 3/09. He put order of protection on me to claim spousal abuse for immigration . He has offered to give me 200.00per week for not going to USCIS,girlfriend stated they been together the whole marriage and he was using me for green card,and to sponsor his daughter.Then on two accounts clams he wants order of protection for spousal abuse for immigration reasons.He has 2 brothers in USA with no paper work 1 in fort meyers florida and one being taken care of by his sister in conn.Divorce is filed and he has been served. I am unemployed can't afford a lawyer I get to much unemployment for guidelines for legal aid assistance

Answer: Most family law attorneys will give a free consultation. If you have an attorney already ask them. Have all your questions ready and start dialing. He's playing games with you. Record your conversations and write down everything he says, put the time and date on it. Keep track of any paperwork you may need to fight this. I hate a friggin' con artist. re-edit: i may be wrong, but in civil cases (which divorce is) you can plead to the court for representation. It might depend on your area, look around for a Legal Aid office, and also call the county courthouse and ask what can be done.

Question: please help with my marriage? ok me and my husband have been fighting alot lately like a bad one once a week for the past let say 9 months it gets bad enough to where we are insulting eachother and yelling at the top of our lungs to eachother. we have not had a easy marriage i got pregnant after knowing him for a month and got married after knowing eachother for 3 months i was 18 he was 23 we fought again lastnight and there were mean things said like he said that i was the one who got pregnant and i should have used protection and i told him that he was a fat peice of shit that does nothing when he works 12 hours i feel really guilty and i dont want to fight anymore but how can i stop getting mad at the little things that is my problem i love him very much but he said that he didnt want to be married to me anymore but i am not sure he was saying that because he was mad we ended up saying i love you to eachother i am 29 weeks pregnant btw so how can i stop fighting with him and quit getting mad over dumb stuff so my question is how can we stop fighting and how can control myself not to get mad over the dumbest thing for example i would get mad at the fact that he put my son down on his back while crying any suggestions and another thing since i really hurt him lastnight what can i do to make it up to him any suggestions thanks

Answer: You both obviously seem to carry a lot of "resentment" in your hearts and I don't see how both of you can try to "fix" anything without the help of professional help. He blamed you (so you state) for the pregnancy in the past while you had the courage to carry on with the baby. I wish you good luck and if "counseling" is not in the picture, I would suggest you remember, that at this time, you are pregnant, you have another child, and to "calm down" is the wisest thing to do for your emotional and physical well being !

Question: Was she ready to end marriage through cheating? I am fighting for custody of kids right now..? She cheated on me. The day after she came home we argued and she told me she was nobody's girl. I She told me that she would accuse me of rape if I touched her.I offered to make a prayer to bring peace and she slapped me across shoulder.The next day she left house and went to boyfriends. I went and put order of protection and she did the same.She had to stay in shelter with kids because of that and she called me and told me that marriage was over. I told her that I wanted to work things out. She said that she was not going to go back on her word? A week later I dropped order of protect and she moved in the house and I moved out. Then she brought her boyfriend in to live with her. I called her pissed off about him being their she hanged up. I disconnected bills and she got angry saying if I care so much for her and kids why did I disconnect bills.She called me then two weeks later and told me I was a loser and I should drop charges against her boyfriend (assault).What is she thinking?

Answer: I have no idea. Get a good lawyer so you can get joint or sole custody of those kids. It sounds like she is 100% through with you. I would just focus on the kids and get that lawyer pronto.

Question: Can there be any hope at all for my marriage or me and my life? I met my wife and had a whirlwind romance in which she was, on face value, perfect in every way. Stunningly beautiful, attentive, loving. We were engaged within 4 months and married in 7 months and then overnight she changed completely. She wanted me to get rid of my dog, forced me to get fertility tests( which were fine) even though I am a fit 30yr old male, was constantly putting my down- saying her ex- (whose dad is a former football club owner and multi millionaire) was far better looking than me. She forced and co-erced me into a lot of stuff like not allowing me to go for a drink with friends or work colleagues- who similarly she did not allow to the house - which I purchased putting in 80% of the equity. I raised these funds from the sale of my business and money I set aside and made on my last house. All of these things were done as she threatened to divorce me if i did not comply. She forced me to get a number of tattoos on my body with her name on- she isolated me from friends and family- my family did not even know the address where I lived and was never allowed to know, or invited to her mother's house. She began to co-erce me by using the threat of calling police when we began to argue a lot- due to the way she was treating me. At a later point she called the police and alleged I had been beating her but I was released without charge as there were no marks/evidence. After this I had to "get out the pressure cooker" and went to visit my parents for a week where I told them everything that had happened. I went back to the marital home one week later and was not allowed into the house- she refused to discuss like adults when I said I needed more time to consider if the marriage could continue-- she shouted and screamed and threatened more police allegations. During this time I went to stay at a motel/B and B and sought some legal advice for self protection. However within 2 days my wife was posing on facebook in a provocative pose and was on a dating site on the internet. She has also been sighted in town with a number of men on "dates". About a week later she made "historical allegations" at a police station with her mother and friend who have made "witness statements" despite not being present- they claim that they were there when I "grabbed her roughly". I was charged with 3 counts of "Common Assault" and I am awaiting trial as we speak. As part of the bail I cannot contact her and cannot live in the area. So I am suspended from my job who will sack me if i am found guilty and have no social outlets at all- I am isolated, lonely and alone. During this period it has come to lght that my wife has done this type of thing before to her ex and it transpires that she was sleeping with both of us and also had a one night stand with another guy right up until we got engaged. She has also tried to "smear campaign" me by contacting my work colleagues/friends and "blackening" my name during th eperiod when I have been away from her. Despite a solicitors request she has refused to let me have any personal belongings from my house. So I have 1 pair of jeans, 2 t shirts a pair shorts and trainers and that is all my possessions in the world. Despite all this I miss her badly- or a miss the person she was before we married_ I can't ask anyone so I have a few questions that keep running over in my mind. Did she "set me up" from day 1 to get a house/money from me- like a con-artist? Why is she trying to destroy me? Why do I miss her- It was her birthday yesterday and I longed to just say "happy birthday"- but couldn't as I would be sent to jail for that. When I think of her out with other men- or even in my house with other men it makes me very sad rather than massively angry. Is that normal? I think that if she dropped the criminal allegations, apologised, promised to change her ways and accept me for who I am that I would try and make the marriage work. Is this normal or am I grasping at straws in my head as I am basically alone and a prisoner in my own mind? I sometimes feel like cying my eyes out when I think that I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone in my life and perhaps she never loved me at all. I can't understand why this has happened. I don't want to burden anyone with this but I have nobody to talk to at all. And I don't know what to do.

Answer: Man I agree with all these guys. THIS WOMAN HAS PLAYED YOU OFF A BREAK. I know it's hard and I know you are hurting but it's time you manned up! Get onto her ex's I'm sure they will be more than willing to appear as witness's for your defense. For goodness sake don't even consider going back with her under any circumstances, she just took you for everything you got. She is evil and you may have loved her more than anyone else in your life but you were loving a cold, calculating bi-yatch. Oh buddy she screwed you good and will screw others if you let her get away with this. you may have loved her, but she sure as hell don't love you. You want to wish her a happy birthday? No, no, and no! Get your self together, get a good councilor, get a good lawyer, document everything and hunker down for a good fight, that's the best birthday present you can give this maggot, show her she picked the wrong one this time!

Question: What test should we request to help us conceive? My husband and I been married for about three years (in July 07). The first year we did not try to conceive, or more so did use protection here and there. Our second year of marriage, I end of conceiving, however lost the baby within the first 6 weeks. Since then, it is going to be about a year and we have had no luck. I have been to the Dr but it seems like they want me to continue to try for another 6months to a year. They have checked my ovaries. I have also always had abnormal periods, so it is hard to pin-point when if at all I am ovulating. Can anyone suggest what we should do? Also, should my husband have his Sperm Analyzed even though he has gotten me pregnant before?

Answer: Okay, so you have irregular cycle. What I would do is buy an ovulation predictor kit. You use it just like a a pregnancy test, only this one tells you when you are about to ovulate based on your hormones. Since you are irregular, you are probably going to need a couple of kits. I would start testing on day ten, just to be safe. A normal 28 day cycle, you would ovulate somewhere around day 14, so day ten should be early enough. Get a calendar and write down when you have your period and when you test positive for ovulation. You might have a weird pattern, but it's better than no pattern at all. I would try this for a couple of months and if it doesn't work, I would go back to my doctor and demand help. You can get hormones to help regulate your cycle and improve your chances of conceiving. Good luck!

Question: Could I possibly be pregnant or is it just stress? For the past week or two I've been getting real nauseous but not vomitting, I can barely eat anything when I can eat, I've lost 5 pounds in just one week because of this. I'm really weak and tired all the time. I've had one day where I've felt fine. For the past week or two however, there have been some extremely stressful events happening and whenever I am reminded of these events my stomach starts to churn and I feel sick again. I don't have the money as of yet for a test from the store and I don't have insurance. I just came off of my period this past weekend. My bf and I don't use protection nor does he pull out. We're discussing marriage at the moment and starting a family if/when we do get married. I am on the Orth-Evra patch which has worked wonderfully so far. Anyone have any opinion on whether this this stress-induced or pregnancy? Thank you all for your help/opinions. Usually I would think it's just stress-induced but whenever I've been extremely stressed before, and I've been worse of then this, it usually goes away and it doesn't affect me this bad physically. I planned on getting tested anyways but thank you for all of your help/opinion.

Answer: Well unfortunately, no form of birth control is 100%. I haven't been hearing such nice things about the patch lately either. If it has been working well for you so far then I think it still is. If you just came off your period, then more than likely you are not pregnant. Was it very light though? If so then it could have been implant ion bleeding. This takes place around the same time as your period. If it was a normal period, then I feel you are not pregnant. If you are pregnant, then I'm glad you and your BF have spoken about marriage and other things. Maybe you have a stomach bug or a virus? I know when I thought I was pregnant, I had EVERY symptom. It was just me stressing out too much. Stress can definitely cause pregnancy symptoms. Just to be sure, when you get the money get a pregnancy test or look around for a free clinic that can do a test for you. If you are pregnant, you want to start receiving pre-natal care and start taking vitamins etc. You sound like you would make a great mom as you are planning ahead but I hope everything works out in you and your boyfriends favor. Good luck!!

Question: how long does it take to get over a marriage ive been seperated for 8 weeks now? my husband and i where together for 3 years and we drifted apart we where so close and romantic and then we grew apart he got verbally abusive plus had a huge temper so we decided to seperate i put a pfa which is protection from abuse order and he cant talk to me but i do think of him everyday and i think is he ok it still hurts but its getting better i would like to talk to him just once though to see how he is please any input would be nice ty tc jewels

Answer: Dont fall for the "i just want to call him once" deal, because if you call him once, you'll want to call him twice, 3 times, and before you know it your right back where you started. There is a reason (abuse) that you seperated, remember that reason when you feel the urge to call. As far as how long it takes to get over somemone completely, For me, i live by the 1/2 rule. however long you've been together (in your case 3 years) cut in half (a year and a 1/2) thats how long it takes to be completely over someone. Some tips to help stay away> Write a list of everything you couldnt stand about him, annoying habits, times he hurt you, things you know will never change, Then make a list of all the things you can do for yourself now that you dont have someone elses feelings to worry about, like going out to a bar with gf's or going on one of those wacky speed dating things, do all the things that he didnt like, or said you couldnt do, and keep doing that till you are able to get to a point where you can go a day or 2 without thinking of him. hope it helps

Question: When it comes to protection of children, do you think there should be certain universal laws in place? Do you believe that regardless of culture & religion, child neglect, child abuse could be made illegal universally? Too many little girls, babies themselves, are being forced to have babies..... Child marriage was rampant in India at one time, but thankfully is illegal now... AMMAN, Jordan (CNN) -- A 12-year-old Yemeni girl, who was forced into marriage, died during a painful childbirth that also killed her baby, a children's rights group said Monday. Fawziya Ammodi struggled for three days in labor, before dying of severe bleeding at a hospital on Friday, said the Seyaj Organization for the Protection of Children. Born into an impoverished family in Hodeidah, Fawziya was forced to drop out of school and married off to a 24-year-old man last year, al-Qureshi said. The issue of Yemeni child brides came to the forefront in 2008 with 10-year-old Nujood Ali. She was pulled out of school and married to a man who beat and raped her within weeks of the ceremony.To escape, Nujood hailed a taxi -- the first time in her life -- to get across town to the central courthouse where she sat on a bench and demanded to see a judge. http://edition.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/14/yemen.childbirth.death/index.html

Answer: Yes, as a foster carer, I truly believe that all children have a right to be children. However, we have to remember that 'childhood' as we know it, is a relatively new invention. It wasn't so long ago that children should be seen and not heard. This article makes very interesting reading: http://www.childrenwebmag.com/articles/child-care-articles/what-is-childhood-and-who-created-it And there are obvious cultural differences which will make a univeral law almost impossible to police. But my short answer is 'yes' there should be a universal law.

Question: how do i fix my marriage when i know that i did something wrong but my wife won't listen to my sincere apology? i'm trying to fix my marriage, i did something that i regret doing but she won't listen to me but she'll listen to her friends. she has a temporary order of protection on me and that's making it very difficult to apologize for what i did wrong and try to fix our marriage. i feel like an ass because i felt like i was being ignored for two weeks, and i found out a little to late that my wife was trying to plan something special for our first anniversary. no, i would never strike a woman or child. i was stupid enough to try to take a twenty dollar desk lamp from wal-mart just to get my wife to pay any attention t me. the only reason that she has the order of protection is because a busybody neighbor of ours talked her into getting one. the neighbor hasn't liked me from the first time we met, she started yelling at my two bys and i told her where she can shove it.

Answer: Well, it depends on what you did and the severity of it. If she has a protective order, I'm guessing you did something pretty bad - like strike her. It is hard to forgive someone of something like that. Think about what you're saying, man. YOU did something bad that caused the protective order, and now you are getting upset that she won't listen to you? Methinks this has happened before, which makes an apology at this point an empty one. Actions speak much louder than words, so unless you get yourself some serious help for your issues - she will never listen to your apology. If this has happened before, why should she listen when you probably apologized (and let me guess - promised it would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN) for that too? You want to fix your marriage? Think about someone besides yourself and your immediate reactions and remember that your wife doesn't want to be your punching bag. When you make a conscious effort to get that anger under control is when she'll listen. EDIT - I apologize then. This was based on assumption and since there weren't specifics I couldn't help but think it was something like hitting.

Question: Can you sue the police department if they ignore sexual abuse of a child; I have a psychologist my son spoke w The police talked to the police in California ( where I live) and did not investigate into the allegations my son made of his father taking pictures of him naked and threatening him that he would burn in hell if he told anyone. My son talked to police in California whom got me an Emergency Order of Protection. A child psychologist talked to my son also whom filed a suspected child abuse report against his father. California police talked to police in Alabama whom did NOTHING but arrested me when my 6.5 yr old was not back at his fathers. CPS of Alabama placed my son with his father and is having a forenic psychologist talk to my son in a week. My sons father knows he is found out about, and I believe will be very manipulative of my child. He (father) was very abuse to me in marriage. I never thought he would be a child molester. Why would DHR (CPS) even get a psychologist to talk with my son and not remove my son from the home until a thorough investigation has happened. California (where I live now) gave me an emergency order of protection that ran out on the 31st of July. I filed for an ex parte hearing but needed the child psychologist report to prove need to have it extended. The report was too late. The judge in Alabama did not know the police there had filed charges against me; My lawyer told me this in Alabama. My lawyer also said something was going on crooked. Alabama (unwealthy state) KNEW where my son was, and knew from the police in California what was going on by the police woman who got the E. O. of P. for me. They did not search my ex's home but warned him! Then they file charges on me when I was not kidnapping but merely protecting my child as ANY mother would do. Alabama ignored allegations, I believe due to my ex is a RN in a city of about 30,000 people and well known. Its a whose who type of place and I am a nobody there. Child advocacy, domestic abuse advocacy, and others are helping me get the state level of DHR on the loca The DHR case worker in Alabama is friends with my ex husband and his new wife. As far as the answers by people saying I am using my son... you really shouldn't answer question like that when you do not know me, nor my child, nor my husband. enough said on that I did all the legal steps and my lawyer is having a preliminary hearing in my case and having the child psychologist, and police woman my son talked to testify by phone. My concern is not myself but my child. If charges are pressed against my ex husband then I want to take legal action. Also the Judge in the matter did not know anything about it ( my arrest or warrent).. Was it legal for the police to just put a kidnapping charge on me when they knew exactly what was going on by the police in California? Would they not have to go through the judge that presided over the custody in the first place or answer with him before making rash decision. I know the decision were biast because of the friendship with my ex husban

Answer: If I understand your question correctly...you are saying the offense occurred in Alabama. Because you made the initial complaint in California (who wouldn't have jurisdiction over the case) you have to deal with a number of serious legal issues that take a bit longer to insure a sucessful prosecution. Because you live in Alabama, your attorney should be able to go to the court having jurisdiction over your child to request an Ex Parte or emergency order of custody which I'm guessing is Alabama. Just my opinion here but I believe that California and Alabama DHR are working together to investigate the case then report the results to the law enforcement agency within Alabama. DHR in Alabama always uses the services of "Child Protect" counselors to obtain information from the youth. You state Alabama arrested you for what sounds like a violation of custody. You must remember that custody issues are "civil" and not "criminal" issues. As such, the police arrest was based upon the orders of the court and not based upon the police just wanting to arrest you! If you wish to be more specific with the facts of your issue...feel free to email me directly as I am an Alabama Peace Officer. Best wishes.

Question: does anyone else think that sex is ok before marriage? i know a lot of people's parents say it's ok to have sex just as long as you use protection. what are your views? i had sex with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago, we used a condom, he didn't exactly get it ALL the way in, well as far as he could, and he pulled out. condom didn't break. what are my chances of getting pregnant? FYI.. im waiting for marriage to have sex again, i don't want to freak out again haha. well i did miss my period this month, but will i still be ok because sometimes i do skip a month?

Answer: I have no problem with it. I think it's a personal and religious choice for some, but I feel sex and wanting to have it is a completely natural thing. I also beleive that humans are not a monogamous species( only elephants, orcas, and a very small number of other anilmals are) so having more than one partner in your life is not bad either. I think if you are going to have any kind of sex, you should do it responsibly. Sex can bring alot of good, and more times than that, bad.

Question: Marriage and religion? I've been attending a church for around 6 months and it's really called to me. It's fit into my life easily and has become so important to me and it feels right. My husband and I have two girls 10 months and 3 years. Our girls go with me but my husband stays home. He was raised Catholic and it is a Protestant church. Last night at church I had an anointment and something happened to me when I asked what it was one of the ministers told me I was "birthing something" she said it didn't all come out and the rest will come soon. When I woke up thismorning the first thought that came into my head was to go to Africa with the Pastor and other people from the church on their missionary trip. I've tried to think of other things but it keeps coming back to me, when I think about it it's like a necessity to do this and it feels like my upper stomach has a fire in it. That's the only way I can think to describe it. I'm terrified to ask to go but at the same time I want to so bad. I'm terrified b/c of my girls, I've never been away from them let alone gone for a week, I'm scared something might happen to me while I'm gone and they grow up w/o a mother. I've been up since 5am it is now almost 7:30am and the yearning won't go away. I'm also afraid of what my husband might say, he doesn't understand the church at all he looks at me like I'm insane whenever I talk about feeling the Holy Spirit among other things. Pastor said that God went first so everyone is under His protection. I feel torn and I don't know what to do. I don't want to push my husband away b/c of this but I am afraid that might happen. I know no one on here can tell me what to do but does anyone have any opinions? Please serious answers only.

Answer: Why not have a discussion with your husband about whether you going would even be practical? You need to figure out first whether it would even be doable, before you decide whether or not to actually do it.

Question: marriage and religion question? serious answers please I've been attending a church for around 6 months and it's really called to me. It's fit into my life easily and has become so important to me and it feels right. My husband and I have two girls 10 months and 3 years. Our girls go with me but my husband stays home. He was raised Catholic and it is a Protestant church. Last night at church I had an anointment and something happened to me when I asked what it was one of the ministers told me I was "birthing something" she said it didn't all come out and the rest will come soon. When I woke up thismorning the first thought that came into my head was to go to Africa with the Pastor and other people from the church on their missionary trip. I've tried to think of other things but it keeps coming back to me, when I think about it it's like a necessity to do this and it feels like my upper stomach has a fire in it. That's the only way I can think to describe it. I'm terrified to ask to go but at the same time I want to so bad. I'm terrified b/c of my girls, I've never been away from them let alone gone for a week, I'm scared something might happen to me while I'm gone and they grow up w/o a mother. I've been up since 5am it is now almost 7:30am and the yearning won't go away. I'm also afraid of what my husband might say, he doesn't understand the church at all he looks at me like I'm insane whenever I talk about feeling the Holy Spirit among other things. Pastor said that God went first so everyone is under His protection. I feel torn and I don't know what to do. I don't want to push my husband away b/c of this but I am afraid that might happen. I know no one on here can tell me what to do but does anyone have any opinions? Please serious answers only. PURRRRFECTIONIST- Pastor is male

Answer: Your priority in this instance is your family; we are to put God first, then family, then church; you may well have been prophesied over and you probably have got an anointing for Africa, but you have always had, and will always have a ministry with those around you, and firstly, your family. You are unevenly yolked, with your husband, so pray that God opens his eyes to the Truth; he may have been brought up a Catholic, but he sounds like a cultural Catholic, which makes Him a non-believer (or more accurately, a pre-believer!). Witnessing to him is best done without talking about Jesus, rather let Jesus radiate out of you, so that your husband notices the wonderful way you are changing! That's what brought me to Him, that my wife shone with His Grace and Mercy and Love....I couldn't resist in the end! I speak as a person who was once in your husband's position (I wasn't a Catholic, tho'!), and as someone who has been on mission before, and, believe me, if there are underlying issues when you go on mission, God will bring them out, and you'll find it very difficult to be effective for Him. ALL my issues came out either before, or on the mission, and I can tell you. God will purge and purify you, one way or the other. It was very difficult, but I didn't have half the issues you seem to have, bless you. Ask God about everything, bring it all before Him in prayer, and understand, your pastor isn't the only one who hears from God, and it might be that God has highlighted these issues in order to instruct you to get your "house" in order, your "house" being your family; nothing that has been prophesied over me has happened until my heart (my house) is in line with God's word on it. Read Psalms until God speaks to you about this through one of them (Psalms are great for this, as it covers every life situation a person could have to deal with, try it!), also Proverbs for wisdom. If you feel you cannot resolve the issues surrounding your husband, but still sense God is calling you to missionary work, then at least get your husband's agreement to go, and go for a short time if you can, as you have very young children. I sense you are pregnant spiritually, but the minister was right - I feel you have a lot of issues to deal with before you can go. Remember, God loves your zeal for Him, but passion and zeal are worthless without WISDOM. Also, Father God is in no hurry to get things done, and will only send you when the time is right! His timing!!! Habakuk says "The vision awaits the appointed time"; that applies to this. I Hope and Pray that Almighty God grants you Wisdom, and that you might be a mighty witness to your whole family (using words if necessary). Love your husband and children as if it were your last day on earth, and God will honour you always. God Bless you :)

Question: how can I prove my job cut my hours beacause I'm pregnant? Umm... This is a hard one. In febrauy of this year I beacme a cashier at my current job. A month goes by all is well. Then My Boss(We'll call her Nina) Ask me if i was single. I told her "Yes" Because I was. Then She tells me she has a son my age. At that point I told her I didn't want to date anyone at this time. She pressed the subject until I agreed To meet the her son. he appeard to be someone he wasn't and I agreed to speak on the phone with him. A few "phone dates" later and I again agreed to go on a date. I thought I really liked him until he asked me to to marry him less than 2 months into the realationship. I told Him "ah No way." I'm 21 And I still have alot I need to finish before I marry someone I hardly know. needless to say I was on my way out the door. But I tried (like most dumb girls do) To work things out with him. Even though everyday I had to tell Him "No I don't want kids yet, I'm not ready." " No I'm not ready for marriage, this is too soon!" A week before I became pregnant he asked me "How does a girl get pregnant with protection?" STUPID ME Tells Him " Well they can brake." ( I was sooooo stupid) That week we fought again about kids and marriage. by then was sure he losing me due his needs4kids and marriage. ( by the way he lives with his mom, Works but spends all of his money on video games and other bad habbits, he doesn't offer his mother any money for living in her home, He doesn't know what it truly means to have kids. They cost money. on our last date he was actting strange and being kinda being romantic. Well "it BROKE" One week ago he asked how a girl gets pregnant with protection. 3 weeks before he writes a letter telling me he wants kids because I WILL BE A GOOD MOM. He did not even say he would be a good DAD. Just That "I would be a good mom." HE BROKE IT !!!!!!!!!! Then tells me " I will be really happy if your are pregnant, It broke by the way" *Deep breath* OMG I dumpped Him on the spot. 1 month goes bye He won't stop calling and texting all hours of the day and night. Finally I said some mean things to him and he stopped calling and texting. I told him he got me prgnant on purpose. 1 more month goes by and sure enough I'm PREGNANT Because he's bored. I called A.S.A.P He tells me " Your lying," And that I' want him back? umm No thank you I do not want someone like you. So I go to work the next day sick and worried about my life that is now nothing like it was. I didn't even want to have kids ever. Now theres no choice, I'm having one now. So his mom (MY BOSS) Starts actting strange towards me. So I asked her if we could speak after work ( off the clock) She says yes . Then she went off. Telling me I wasn't pregnant and that I have a virus and the pregnancy test was wrong . and that basically I was a Liar and she wantted proof. I walked off my job that day. went to the doctor and came back with results from a doctor. I got my job back but soon afterwards they cut my hours accused me of stealing yet the vidoes from the cameras don't say that, only that I do my job. They hired 2 people and told me yesterday they cut me down to two days a week because they are slow? ( my boss is saying this) (his mama) HELP Some one PLEASE. There are no jobs out there I've been looking i can't just quit. I have lots of bills and I'm trying to go to school. By the way I don't believe in abortion or plan B . That why i'm in this mess. by law can I do anything ? ? ?

Answer: Well, unless you can prove everything that happened, you might have issues getting the law to take this seriously. Other than that, you could either give the child up for adoption, give the kid to him when it's born, or sue his ass for child support. I'm sorry you got caught up in this. He sounds like a real nut job.