Custody And Visitation Plan Or Parenting Plan

Question: Can crazy ex modify visitation schedule in our shared parenting plan? First off, I know he can file to try... but I want to know if people think he will be successful. Facts: -- he was physically and mentally abusive in front our daughter for years. -- HIS family will come to court with me as witnesses that I was the primary caregiver and that our daughter acts completely different around him (scared) -- He left us when he came "out of the closet" and moved in with another man, and only called to see our child once or twice a month that whole time. -- He was diagnosed bipolar years ago, stopped taking meds. -- He lies constantly and always says that I won't work with him or co-parent etc.. (he says this if I ever say "no" to anything!) -- Our current shared custody plan/schedule is for our child to go to him every other weekend and 1 night a week. It's been out of court for about a year now. -- To modify it, he would have the burden of showing it's in our child's best interest. Which is ISN'T! I'm just scared he will lie to the courts and they will "buy it." He is always asking me to deviate from our schedule, and I try to be flexible but I think we should follow the schedule for the most part unless something important comes up... I just want to know opinions on whether I have to keep stressing and worrying over this.... For the record, I have a good job, same one for 9 years. Have a home, no drinking/drugs, no new relationships, I pay for everything (I did not ask for child support...) They (the courts) didn't allow him the time he has, we "settled" out of court after many months. He himself agreed to the schedule, and I agreed also because for me it wasn't about "control" but it was about wanting our daughter to have to best possible schedule she could (and my lawyer said this was slightly less than the standard order so we should agree to it.) So the court never got to hear all about him, his actions, etc... we were only at the temporary stage even though we were in court for months. So while I'm not the one who wants to go back to court, if he wants to keep threatening this, my hope is that they could hear a lot of this info for the 1st time and at the very least not change our schedule. Plus the lawyer said he would have to prove it's in our child's best interest to change the plan... Wow, some very strange answers but I guess that's to be expected when I didn't give all the details... it would be a novel if I gave all the details. But for the record, I agreed to the current schedule because I was told my my lawyer and many others that it was the "best case" schedule because to get supervised visitation the other parent has to basically be Charles Manson. (This is something I think our legal system needs to work on, but isn't the fault of abused spouses.) Also, I don't have a burden to prove anything, if he is the one threatening to take me to court the law says HE has the burden to show it's in our child's best interest. I'm trying to keep consistency, and I hope with all my heart he can HEAL his relationship with our daughter... As far as bringing his family in, that has nothing to do with manipulation, I simply stated it because the witnesses are not MY family (who courts think are biased sometimes.) Oh, and him being gay, I never once made a "big issue" over this... I don't care about his private life at all, with the exception of how it impacts our child. I simply stated that he left us in the fact section of the email because things like him leaving DO have bearing in court. Again... I am not the one always threatening court and being abusive on the phone etc... HE is the one who is doing this for a year now. I hate drama, I just want peace, but I'm not going to "sell out" my daughter to get it because he's truly unstable... I guess the only reason I posted the question was insecurity and wanting to know I wasn't the only one out there dealing with this BS. Seems people are looping me in with women who love fighting with exes or something, and it's completely the other way around...

Answer: No one can tell you what the judge will decide because no one here knows the mind of the judge. All you can do is get an attorney and have him argue your point and then hope for the best. And then whatever happens, start making the best of it. You have to let the past go if you want the present to be great for her.

Question: visitation plan for primary physical custody? i have a weird court order concerning vistation

Answer: What is your question?

Question: My boyfriend has custody of his 2 year old son because his ex is a drug addict. In the parenting plan it state? s that his ex has to U.A.. The ex has never U.A.'d and we dont know if she is using or not. We cannot afford an attorney. Can we refuse to send him with her because she is not following the court order? We are scared of what she might be doing when she has her visitation with him. We live in Washington State. Does anyone know what we can do?

Answer: If she hasn't been following the court order, then you do not legally have to give back the child. The female may try to put up a fight, but that will more than likely force her to take the UAs and/or cause her to get treatment.

Question: What do I put on parenting plan and child support forms? I am in the process of divorce. I have already file initial paperwork. My husband and I have agreed that he will not pay child support and I will have 100% custody with visitation only at my discretion. I have no idea what to put on the forms though. Do I put on there exactly what we have agreed upon? And yes, we have both thought this through and are in AGREEMENT so please no advice about not doing this. Thanks!!!

Answer: A judge will not allow it. He will be forced to pay child support, a judge doesn't care what you agreed, legally you cannot sign off on it anymore. That said, he can sign off his rights to visitation and or custody. He will still owe child support they will garnish his wages. It does not matter what you put on the forms child support is factored off his income by the state.

Question: From Parenting Plan to Supervised Visitation...Help!? We have a current parenting plan in place for our 14 yr old daughter. My ex had his first summer visit this last year, 2007 with our child. He moved to Idaho when he petitioned for custody in 2004, before that, he had pretty much to nil to do with our child. Plenty more to grind, but you get the jist. He decided not to allow child to return home to Oregon. Tried to force me into signing over custody to him in order to even be able to see our child. He kept her hostage basically for about 2 months. I found out in the last month. She was there an entire 3 1/2 months. (At first, it had been our child that wanted to stay a little longer, start school there and get to know her family there). I had the DA in his county on my side and the Sheriff's there ready to assist. I returned to Oregon with our child on Thanksgiving! The next day, her father not only was able to petition our local court in Oregon but called the Oregon State Police as well for kidnapping. I was more than surprised to get a phone call as we came into Oregon from an officer located in my town, my daughter did talk to him and told him, "No, my mother is not hurting me! She is taking me HOME!" The officer was fine with what all she had to say. Now tho. Of course her father has made his request for full custody. I don't want to sound over confident, but that just isn't likely to happen. I also filed a request to modify, but only the Parenting Plan. Our child absolutely refuses to see him or talk to him without a supervisor (her Gramps or someone else close) there at all times. Her father is angry with me, accuses me of denying him of his rights per our current custody order. He also refuses to see her if he can not have her alone with him and his family. I found that strange. If that would be the only way my child would want to see me, I would do it! Unfortunatly, the judge that we are to see, doesn't reduce visitation. I was able to talk to an attorney thru the modest means program for half an hour, long enough to explain most things and that was all. My daughter is now seeing a therapist and has been diagnosed with adjustment disorder. Her therapist says he will be there when we go to court, he does not believe our child should ever have to be alone with her father again and will testify to such. Meanwhile, I am in contempt of our current custody order by not "forcing" our child? Isn't it just cause? I can ground her for not taking care of her household chores, but not for refusing to talk to her father and that is what he says he expects. Other than the therapist and my child willing to speak for herself, how in the hell do I persuade a judge to listen to both of them? Her father has put her thru alot mentally. When she would be "allowed" to talk to me over the phone, it was scripted. If she deviated, she was punished harshly, grounded, scolded, heckled, screamed at and degraded. What do I say when I go to court that isn't going to sound like I am nit picking her father? This judge has seemingly so far been pretty sympathetic to fathers. I have always had an open door policy with her father. He has always had our address and phone number and was free to see her at any time. What do I do ?

Answer: Get a good lawyer.

Question: Can anyone help--I'm trying to create a parenting plan and maintain custody? I was with the father for a few years but the relationship was bad, he was abusive (though i never brought myself to call the cops) and eventually moved away because i couldn't feel safe in town (he lied to people to make me look crazy so that he would look good-i have texts from him stating this-and i was attacked by a couple of his "other girlfriends"-there are reports of these). We continued contact and i ended up pregnant, but found out afterwards he already had someone else 4 mo. pregnant. i moved back because he told me he would help out and insinuated that he would provide for both kids equally but he ended up verbally and physically abusive again so i got a restraining order. I found out after this that he was actually living with the other girl (who was one of the girls that attacked me) and he hasn't done anything to push for a parenting plan. I want to be able to move away because i don't feel safe here and i don't believe he nor she are stable or safe for my child to be around, but he is insisting on having my child as much as possible and is ignoring my want to keep him away. I'm trying to be flexible and offer visitation but he wants to be able to TAKE her, though she's not even born yet and I will be breast feeding plus i don't even know where he lives and this scares me...I've been trying to work with him out of court but it seems like its impossible for us to agree and i have no choice. What are the chances he'll get what he wants???? forgot to mention...he told me he had been going to a psychiatrist because he was a "sex addict" and I have been doing all i can to get help--going to a battered womens shelter for classes and group therapy sessions, there are several friends and co-workers of his willing to testify about his behavior, and I am going to college and he never did so I think it's obvious that I'm being responsible and he is not...

Answer: sounds like a melodrama go see a lawyer

Question: Custody and visitation? My sons father and I agree on a custody and visitation plan. We've filled out the stipulation forms and docuements stating our parenting plan, and signed them. I was ready to file them with the court, and the clerk told me I needed to have a case first. I can't find any information and opening a case and she was very rude and not helpful and assisting me. Can a lawyer or someone who knows about this please tell me how to do this? I live in San Joaquin County in California. Thank you!

Answer: I went through the motions with my lawyer a few months ago, you CAN file your plans with the court without a court case. I don't how you'd do it on your own though, as I was going through a lawyer.

Question: I called to find out who had custody and they told me to pick up a parenting plan? I am from Washington State. I called to find out who had custody of my daughter because I was never sent any papers about the case. I was told that I needed to pick up a parenting plan for fifty cents a paper. Well, I live in NY right now. Are they talking about a parenting plan that's been set up or did he lie to me about having full custody? Do I still have a chance?

Answer: Any number of things could have happened. The courts aren't responsible for sending paperwork to you. Second, you said you called to see who had custody, are you saying that you went to a hearing? Third, you only get a parenting plan when the issue of custody may or may not have been decided by the court. Before anyone can help you you need to give more detailed info. Email the details and I will respond.

Question: out of state joint custody parenting plans? i am going to be moving out of state with my minor child, my ex husband and i are needing to set up a visitation plan, any ideas?

Answer: Without knowing the age of your child its difficult to help you -

Question: We are trying to come up with a parenting plan with a mom who married a military man? Unfortunately, my fiance did not have the forethought of setting up a parenting plan/custody arrangements with the mother of his daughter. It has always been verbal agreements and up until this point she has abided by the agreed travel expenses, visitation time, etc. A this point she did not send his daughter for Christmas, summer vacation, etc. He does pay child support (without proven paternity) through the state of Oregon. At this time, it is obvious, that we need to implement a custody arrangement and parenting plan in writing through the courts to guarantee that she does not have the ability to keep her away from her father. Our current issue is that she married a military man and is stationed in Hawaii (we live in Oregon). We would like joint custody (which she is refusing) because of the fact she will be relocating her every three years to somewhere else and we are hoping it will not always be such a great distance. Another question, does all the paperwork have to be through Hawaii? It is my understanding that she is not a resident of Hawaii just because she has lived there for 6 months due to the fact she is a military dependant now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer: I am military spouse and she can be a resident of her home state but must have a home permanent address there or she will have to be a resident of whatever current state she is in after 6 months, if they were never married, even though they share a child it may be more difficult for him to get joint custody and even if you do the father will be responsible for travel costs. The army can be crazy and it is possible for them to do a overseas tour, which could be Germany, Italy Japan...I think Hawaii is considered oconus as well, Anyhow he needs to be polite and consider what is in the best interest of his daughter, because if he make waves it is not all that hard for a guy in the military to request to be stationed far away from you and they wont stop her from going...trust me I have been through a custody issue before and my ex husband was shot down cold by a court and we went to Germany....

Question: when giving custody to my ex, should i inform the courts i plan on joining the navy? long story short i am changing from joint custody of my child to giving my ex full custody and me visitation. i would like to join the navy, but i dont want the courts to think it is the only reason i am changing custody (u cant join if u have custody of a child). has anyone been thru this or have any advice? thanks

Answer: Who told you that you can't join if you have custody? That doesn't stop mothers from joining, than using it to prevent being deployed. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Question: Should I get a parenting plan we have joint physical custody he has primary? What should I do? We have already had some disagreements but worked it out. Help everyone is giving me different advice.

Answer: I've never heard of a Parenting Plan, but I think that if the two of you have something in writing as far as mutual expectations that is a good idea. Dis-agreements are inevitable (otherwise, you probably would've stayed together, right?). It's extemely difficult when one parent has the child, hence most of the power, and the two of you don't agree. It gets worse when you really feel that the child is being neglected or abused and that there's little you can do about it.

Question: What happens if my ex doesn't respond to my petition for parenting plan? 10pts? Some background: Me and my ex broke up, I went and filed a domestic violence protection order. He lives in Oregon (me in washington)...when they tried to serve him papers, he evaded them. His dad said all of a sudden he moved to cali. Well, since its his last known address, they let me send it certified mail, so that is considered being served if his parents sign for it, and if it isn't sent back. So far so good. I am working with a lawyer on a parenting plan for full custody and supervised visitations. So, if he doesn't respond to it, and doesn't show up to court, will I automatically be granted what I want? We were never married. Anybody have experience with this?

Answer: I do know that, in Cali, you have to show you made a reasonable effort to notify him (which it sounds like you did with his parents), and he has 30 days to come forward after the time reasonable notification was made. After those 30 days, he can be legally stripped of is parental rights. In Cali anyway.

Question: where can I find a free parenting plan example for sole custody? the divorce includes domestic violence with the father in custody for a min of 5 years.

Answer: You can find many such plans all over the web. Your best resources are already in your community and are easy to access. Please consult with your local family planning center. Also, talk to your department of human resources or department of child and family services. They have brochures available addressing parenting, specifically with regard to divorce. Also, talk to your child's physician and school counselor. You will need to be able to tell the court exactly how you plan to address the child's special needs in this difficult time. I also recommend that you take a parenting class. You can probably find one for free in your community.

Question: Parenting plan was over riden by new court order? My Parenting plan when we HAD joint custody say's that my ex husband is to get and I am to get the report card's and information on the kid's but that was only in effect until a new order was set. Now I have an order for Temporary sole legal and physical custody of my kid's so that parenting plan is no longer an order because it over rides the parenting plan since we do not share custody anymore. He only has supervised visitation now. If he showed interest in the kid's i would send it to him but when I let him know that there doing good he doesn't even care. He has not seen them for 2 months, has not paid child support this month, has not called them for over 2 months and just plain does not care. I've had Temporar full custody for almost 2 years now.

Answer: I do not see a question here. I would be concerned that you only have "temporary" sole legal and physical custody. That is something that needs to be changed. As far as him, well he's not showing active interest in their life. Sad for the children :(. But the courts will handle that. Good Luck

Question: I am going to meet a Lawyer today so I can get a Parenting Plan set up (split custody)? So what kind of questions should I ask at the consiltation? Yes in the state of West Virginia there is no such thing as full custody so yes it would be like split custody.

Answer: Sorry, I wasn't sure what you meant in the last question, thank you for clarifying. Probably the lawyer will lead the conversation, you will just be answering questions. You will want to be clear on holidays, summer and vacation times. This is the best advice I have. Question may arise when the lawyer asks you certain things, don't hold back, you want to be very thorough.

Question: what is joint custody defined as or limited to when there is a visitation schedule attached to it? on a default trial court: my child custody case was given joint custody, why? What does it mean to have joint custody exactly? I was requesting sole custody of her along with a visitation schedule for the dad to give him the chance to bond because my doughter (14 months old) does not kwow who he is. So I don't understand why the judge ruled joint custody along w/ my supervised visitations plan for the father? what was the point of filing for default on the case and requesting full custody of her? what can I do to reverse this? I don't want joint custody because he's hardly around, I am the one who takes care of her and spends with her most of her time, why should he get this right if he isn't around...I'm furious about the decision but I didn't want to upset the judge by saying "no" on his judgment. Should I go back and appeal his decision? What can I do or how do I do this? How should I approach the court on this?

Answer: You can appeal. It takes a lot to show a parent not fit for joint custody. Usually this happens when the other parent has had a checkered past. For example, in trouble with the law, drug problems, unstable mental health, beat the children or wife. If the guys only problem is that he doesn't stick to his visitation schedule it may be hard. But a good lawyer probably could help you get this done. The joint custody just means you can not make any legal decisions for her by yourself. i.e. She is on her death bed and you want to pull the plug. You would need his consent also. Also keeps you from leaving the state and relocating without him knowing or approving. If the father is not a bad person and his only fault is not sticking to his scheduled visits I don't think that means he should give up his joint custody. You mentioned your child was months old. It is just the begining of her life, he may get better as he and the child get older.

Question: Divorce & Child custody-How can a parenting plan be prepared when 1 parent has no premanent residence,? a mental illness, abuses medications, & several suicide attempts?

Answer: Where one parent has no permanent residence and has history of mental illness, medication abuse and suicide attempts, in the best interest of the child or children the court will usually deny that parent custody or visitation rights, that is, or order supervised visitation, if the court is properly noticed, till there is a significant change in that parent's circumstances. Make sure you give the court proper notice of all these in writing and supported by evidence. We suggest you let the court make decision on the issue of parenting plan (custody and visitation). It is not safe for the child or children and therefore not advisable to mutually enter into some kind of parenting plan with such a disabled parent. I will let the court decide so you can at least have a recourse should anything go wrong in the future. Good luck to you and the child or children.

Question: I'm A Man Taking An Ex To Court For DNA Then Custody And Visitation, Gentle Or Aggressive Attitude? I am a 20 year old man. My ex who I was previously engaged to and was with for 3 years became pregnant in February/March of 2009. We curtailed our relationship in December of 2008 when I found she was seeing another man. Over the next few months after we split we tried at our relationship while still having sexual intercourse. Everything was pretty smooth, in May of 2009 we decided it is best for both of our mental health and stability as well as the amount of stress while pregnant was not good and we agreed if it is meant to be then it is meant to be - but we will remain friends for the meantime. For the next 2-3 months things were smooth going as friends, about one phone call a week discussing how things with the pregnancy are going and maybe a few texts between. The first of August she began ignoring all my phone calls, text messages, and emails cutting all contact off with me until this day. In October she had moved about an hour away and cut off all contact with many other people as well. The baby was born on November 13, 2009. I have had inside sources that have been able to give me information. She has told a few people she has been in contact with that I have not tried to contact her or while she was pregnant showed any care about her or the baby - trying to make me look like a bad person, the sources knew she was lying but they denied to her they have had any contact with me in several months. I hired a private investigator who was able to find where she was living and get her address so my lawyer could file papers. I'm a great guy, and have told her numerous times that I never want to be a dead beat father. I attempted to contact her every few weeks throughout the fall, but she never returned my phone calls. It has now became relevant that the reason she has been trying to keep the child hidden from me because she is scared I am going to take the child from her and get custody because I have a better situation, I am able to provide better support for the child, and her past lies, actions, and current actions would not be favorable to a judge as my attorney said (not getting into those details about all of her lies and everything she has done). I am not out to take the child from her, but I deserve and desire my FAIR share of my child and that is what I am opting out for, and it is in the child's best interest to have equal exposure to both parents. It is hypocritical of her to try and keep the child from me when her father was a dead beat her entire life and she had told me in plenty of deep conversations we had about how badly she wished she had a father but he did not want anything to do with her, and he only lived a few minutes away but he desired to have the dream "middle class" life and thought having a child out of marriage would cripple his 'reputation'. Because the court here was closed an extended period for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years they have been backed up and just served her papers last week for a pre-trial date of February 16th. With the papers the court decided to go ahead after reviewing my petition and ordered a parent education program to be completed by court date. The February 16th date is a pre-trial where the court will order a DNA paternity before setting the trial date for custody and visitation. I plan to call my ex and I am sure she will not answer and leave her a message saying to return my phone call, we need to discuss the parent education order (minimum of 1 required) to take and call and set a time. This is just a quick over view of the situation leaving many, many, and many details out but not exactly pertinent to my questions. I am seeking advice on if my attitude should be aggressive or gentle/kind but still confident when I call her and as well as when my lawyer and I present my case to the judge. Any suggestions???

Answer: Gentle but firm. There's no need to get nasty, but you know what you want and what your rights are. Be civil and polite, but business-like. Remember, ultimately, you should be pursuing what you consider to be the best for the child, not for you or for her. Decide what that is, then go for it, full on, but in a civil way.

Question: Should I do a separate parenting plan for the baby? We are divorcing without attorneys, and need advice. The baby is due in January, and will require different visitation time with her father than the other kids. She will be exclusively breastfed. The divorce will be final in December if we agree on plans, but his child support obligation for the baby won't start until she is born, I think. I am confused about how to calculate child support and parenting time for her separately from her brothers without a separate parenting plan. Any advice? We live in Colorado.

Answer: Sure, it makes sense to me for you guys to work out a separate parenting plan for the baby once the baby is born. Good for you on deciding to breastfeed the baby. Good luck with that. Calculate child support for the children that are here right now. When the baby is born, then you can file for a modification of the child support based on a change in circumstances. HTH.