Divided Custody

Question: How do you divide up custody of infant? I am currently pregnant and the father and I are no longer together. He does want to be involved and goes to all of the Doctor appointments. I was just wanting to know how others in this situation have divided up custody or time. He has no experience around children and wont even hold his friends babies, so I am very nervous about him with the baby already. I am almost 15 weeks 6 days now and this is my first. I do want my child to have contact with the father and to have a relationship with him.

Answer: At the beginning, I would recommend he only visits the child when you are around, if you breastfeed, justice should not get in the way, depending on your state law. Then if you see he is good around his child you may want to allow some alone time with him or her. You can show him your tricks and the proper way you think he should handle the baby. Good luck.

Question: Can a 15 year old with custody divided between both parents choose to give full custody to the non-dominant? parent. Im trying to to transfer to a new school but to do that i need to be in its zone, and my step dad which has lesser custody over me will allow me to live with him to do so. But the school it appears so far requires the zoned parent to have full custody over the child to allow him to go to the school. My mom will not allow full custody to be given to my step dad though as she is the 'dominant' custodian (or w/e u call it) Is it up to me to make this decision though? The problem with my current school is more of a personal problem really. I know not a single person there, and they are so different from the people i know its like a different world and im not the best person at making new friends. The school im trying to go to i have a friend there and ive been acquainted with alot of others there.

Answer: No, it's not up to you. If your parents can't agree, one of them will have to file a petition with the court for a custody change. You will be given an opportunity to present your thoughts/wishes in court. The decision as to the matter of custody will ultimately be the judge's. It could go either way, and the decision will be made with your best interests in mind.

Question: Joint custody. How does the time get divided? Me and my wife recently seperated. We have a stepdaughter who is 7. A daughter who is 3. She is also currently bout 16 weeks pregnant. She moved out bout two weeks ago. I don't want to divorce but she does. She says you can't divorce while you r pregnant. The attorney I talked to said it depends on what judge you get. So anyways we can't agree on how to divide up our time with our daughter. I have been doing most of the caregiving for several months due to her depresion and me having more time. Unfortunatly my daughter can't stand to go with her mother. This is unfortunate becuause it breaks my heart to send her screaming for me every time her mom takes her. I am just wanting to know what is best for my daughter and still somewhat fair without hurting my wife but most importantly our daughter any worse than this has to be? Unfortuntly the only time I am getting to see my stepdaughter is when my wife doesn't have a better option ( in her viewpoint) this is heartbreaking

Answer: I am sorry to hear about your situation first of all. A child knows which parent wants her around more and who she wants to be with. BUt in the eys of the court, they are not old enough to voice their own wants and be heard until they are 13 in some states. But, for children under that age, I am not completely sure if they will do it for 3 yearolds, but do your research. Some one can be appointed to the child. I forget the name of it, but almost like a gaurdian. This person is someone who can speak with the child and spend time with the child at certain times, and she can speak on behalf of the child, so the childs voice can be heard. This is a very difficult situation because it is very hard to remove children from the mother. But the courts also look at the what is in the best interest of the child. Get a lawyer first and foremost. He will tell you everything you can do and try to do. Good luck with everything.

Question: I guess I just need opinions on custody after divorcing? My ex husband and I wrote out a very detailed custody arrangement in our divorce decree. He has primary physical custody and I pay child support. We divorced in New York State, he was stationed in Georgia, and now 2 years later I plan to move to Michigan. He is telling me that because I will be moving out of the state that our divorce was settled in, basically none of what we wrote will apply. Here is the paragraph in the divorce decree: Custody: The Plaintiff-father and the Defendant-mother shall maintain joint legal custody if the minor children. The Plaintiff-father shall be designated as the parent with primary physical placement of the cildren until such time that the Defendant-mother can show at least sic (6) months of steady income, provide a 3 bedroom house/apartment suitable for primary placement and maintain a vehicle for transportation of minor children. Upon provision of proof of the above, and submission of a detailed budget (including prospective child support receipt as income) which shows Defendant-mother’s ability to meet all obligations of her and the children, the Plaintiff will transfer primary physical placement of the minor children to the Defendant-mother. We go into lots more detail regarding visitation and medical insurance and whatnot. I currently reside in NYC, I have everything I need except for the apartment, which is just too much money here. So I decided to move back home and buy a house, but now he is saying that he doesn’t have to do any of the things we agreed to because we will both live in separate states. I’ve called the county where we got the divorce, and family court who never answers their phone, and my Aunt’s lawyer in Michigan won’t be back in the office for another hour and I am going nuts! Here are some of the text messages: Me: It’s in writing that they be transferred when I have a 3 bedroom apartment or house, a vehicle, and a job for 6 months, so what’s the problem? Him: That was in NY. Do the kid live in New York or Michigan? No they don’t so their custody falls under the state they reside in aka Georgia. Is that too hard to follow? Me: The divorce decree will be honored by all states. What’s the use of a decree if you can escape it by moving out of state? Him: Do you really need me to break this all down for you? Divorce court and custody courts are 2 different realms. You are probably going to want child support right? Well when you file in Michigan they will want proof of custody. If you show the decree it will say I have custody. And custody can’t be changed in Michigan because it is not the kids legal state of residence, Georgia is. So we would need either a new agreement made in Michigan between the two of us agreeing or battle it out in court. Does he have a point? What was the use of going through all of that decision making when we wrote out how we wanted to divide custody if it’s all for nothing anyway? Thanks so much if you made it this far.

Answer: I thought this stuff was honored in all fifty states. Moving doesn't void your decree and custody agreement!

Question: is living separately the same as divorce when it comes to dividing assets and child custody? I mean, are these matters creating complications, or are they only come to an account when you file for divorce?

Answer: What state do you live in? You can only help your situation by separating, but still need to get it done on paper. If your state requires a "separation period" and you don't properly document it, the time you've been separated may not count. Look into this today to cover yourself. Good Luck!

Question: How do I finalize my divorce? Roughly 10 years ago I filed for divorce. We went to court divided property finished a custody arrangement. Apparently we did not do the last step that would finish the process. I am told I have to file one last paper with the court. Is it too late? Do we have to file for divorce all over? Do you know the form needed? The state is CA, we filed in Merced but now live in Los Angeles County. Please help.

Answer: This link may help you with it but if it has been 10 years it may have been dismissed for lack of prosecution, you may want to contact a lawyer who practices family law.~ California Divorce Source: State Divorce Laws: California ... overview of California divorce laws, California statutes and guidelines, and California divorce information and advice ... start and finalize a dissolution ...

Question: Is it legal to end a marriage to gain benefits? Perhaps I should not have married my husband. Seems nowadays marriage is so cliche, traditional, romantic, but when it comes to step families it's more difficult. You run into more financial messes, especially when one spouse has to support his ex and his kids, and you're not receiving any support from your ex because you have 50/50 custody of yours, siblings are divided, one lives with you and the other lives with your ex. Because we are married we have a 3 person household and when calculating income, everyone who earns get counted. This is a problem because where my husband is not the father and he has support payment, it does not work for us because though we don't have the money we are seen as having money. Supposedly the stepfather should make 500 dollars extra a month to offset his total income. I wanted to go back to when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend, so that I will not have to count his income to qualify for the benefits that a single mother receives, if she does not make enough. I don't see going back to this legally. We can't afford to divorce now because our mortgage is underwater, thus you cannot sell or refinance. Even this new FHA loan cannot help us because NH Housing, Dovenmuelhe refuses to help us. I'm advising others who might be getting married to think things through so you don't end up where we are, until one of you can make enough to support everybody without the stress of going broke where you only have a few hundreds dollars left in the bank and you're paying more of your expenses now with credit cards. I don't want a divorce because we love each other, but I don't want to end up on the streets because we can't afford to pay our mortgage either. Why wouldn't I be a single mother? I don't have kids with him. If you were sharing a rental with a roommate would they need to count that roommate's income as well? There is no common law in NH.

Answer: Yes. You can marry and divorce as many times as you like for whatever reasons you like. I have seen it done for tax purposes. I have seen it done for immigration purposes. I have seen it done so people with pre-existing conditions can be covered by health insurance. But be advised that if you get assistance from your boyfriend, or common law husband, it is the same as being married for welfare purposes.

Question: Anyone not have full custody of there child, and how do you feel about it? My ex lives in Georgia and I live in Florida, and I am pregnant. I have two kids from a previous relationship. He has none. He wants full custody. I'm considering it because I want all my kids to have as much attention as possible. I just don't know how difficult it will be for me to not see my baby all the time. I would have the baby one week a month. Anyone going through anything like this? How do you cope with it? I am worried that i won't be able to divide my time and energy between all three. I also work full time and want to start nursing school in January. tia

Answer: This is a very difficult decision to make and...during pregnency... is an awfully emotional time, in which, to make it. We already wear our emotions on our sleeves during pregency and this might NOT be a decision that you want to make right now. I would wait. Get past your pregnancy and nursing and then revisit this issue. You will have bonded with your new darling and you emotions will be back on an even keel. And consider seeing a counselor. Share this struggle with a neutral party who will not judge you, but help you work through it - so that you can make the best decision for you, Dad, and your child. I wish you the best. And please do remember. Whatever you decide to do: as long as you do it with the best interests of your child in mind, you are doing the right thing. My thoughts are with you. :)

Question: Is it necassary to use the court system to divide property , assets, and custody if both sides agree on all? Having so far a friendly seperation/divorce. If both parties agree on child custody, division of debt, etc... is it needed to involve the court system for divorce?

Answer: I would want it "legal", meaning, drawn up by a lawyer, sent before the courts, and approved. Don't take chances!

Question: One divorce attorney wants $300/hr, another wants $450/hr. How do I know which makes sense for me? I live in a community property state, where all assets and custody is supposed to be divided 50 / 50. Together we have $300k in net worth. Is the high priced attorney going to be worth me paying 50% more to? What factors should I consider when making my choice?

Answer: From my experience I would say use the cheaper one. I had a guy for $450 an hour and he was a total jerk and stuckup and not very helpfull. He wouldnt return calls etc. His office looked like a musem too! Guess who pays for all that and the highrise office view? Find a young COMPETENT agressive lawyer you will be better off. 50/50 split thats agreed on should be a piece of cake. They are basically going to just edit some ready made forms with your info and have you sign it. Not very tough for them. Save your money.

Question: At what age does a child's input factor in detemining custody. I live in AZ.? Approaching my management resolution conference with the mediator to finalize our divorce. We have two daughters ages six and ten.The ten year old is upset with me over filing and her mother usually brings her into our disagreements so she she can have her input. She's TEN! Az is a no fault state so mom's infidelity does not play a factor. I am willing to divide everything including custody right down the middle. I have no problem helping her with alimony for a couple of years and covering the kids educational, medical and child support as required compared to sleeping on the couch for the rest of my life. I am the sole breadwinner, married ten years. I believe kids lead by example and right now we do not lead a normal marriage anymore. Why does she think she should have sole custody?

Answer: I was told in Ohio at least that it's 13

Question: How can one possibly blame feminism for the current divorce laws? Why do men blame the child custody laws on feminism when children were historically always placed with their mothers? If anything feminism has started the process whereby males are recognized as equally important components in not only the family unit but also in the social development and emotional maturation of the children. As well divorce laws have always divided the assets that have been obtained during the marriage 50/50 however whatever was owned before marriage reverts to the original owner.

Answer: Wow! What a load of spite directed at women! In the first place, marriage has a long history (I encourage you all to read a history of marriage), there are many forms of marriage, and divorce laws have changed a lot in the past 100 years. It wasn't until the Supreme Court ruling of the '60's that made it a crime for a man to rape his wife. This was a monumental shift. People always complain about the settlement in a divorce. The best idea is to sign pre-nup agreements so the limits are clearly set even before the marriage begins. The reason dead beat dads are harassed is not because of feminism. This came from stinking Fundies who hated (and still hate) single moms on welfare. The states agreed with the Fundies, as they often do, and now it's law. All the feminists I know have happy marriages and loving spouses. None of them have let a career stand in the way of becoming a mom. People need to love each other a whole lot more.

Question: What happened at the end of Close to Home episode "A House Divided"? Season 2, Episode 2 about the Stratton Family - wife killed psychiatrist husband who was using the kids as guinea pigs. After Karena Stratton is convicted of her husband's murder, Conlon, Maureen and Annabeth are discussing the eldest daughter's application for custody of the two youngest children when the recording stops. Is anything significant said afterwards?

Answer: Nothing much. You saw the best part. It might have been this episode where Annabeth was working at her desk, and asked Conlon how the visit with his daughter went, or something like that (if this was also the daughter coming to visit episode) but nothing storyline related.

Question: Divorce Decree THEN Custody matters? Is it possible to have the courts go ahead with temporary custody orders and get the divorce decree completed THEN set up a hearing for custody issues? I am in the state of Arizona I am fighting for sole custody due to abuse towards our child and myself, as well as his history with his child from a previous marriage. My reasoning for wanting it this way is because of a law enforcement job opportunity where my debts must be handled. This job is a fresh start for my child and I and I really need our debts divided and the divorce decree final. Please tell me is this possible, and will it hurt my chances for sole custody? Maybe my 'fresh start' reference was taken wrong... he is a deadbeat that never holds a job and in the past I have had to go a month without electricity while I was working and he was not because he was throwing all the money away on beer. If I thought there was another good way to support my child I would find it. This has nothing to do with seperating myself from him to start anew, it has to do with making sure my child is provided for.

Answer: I hope you are using your own lawyer. Be sure to direct these questions to your attorney as they are the ones who have the experience practicing law in AZ. Every situation is unique. Some jurisdictions have a family law court that hears cases of custody. If you have time ask if you can attend some of these sessions to learn about the issues. Be sure to discuss your concerns with the attorney's secretary, as they are a great source of guidance and info when the attorney is not available to speak with you. Many Legal Aid Agencies will have a lawyer who will talk to you over the phone and explain your state's laws. Best of luck to you and yours!

Question: During your divorce, was there an "I NEVER thought he/she would do this to me" incident? Not specifically what CAUSED the divorce, but more along the lines of the separation process itself after you had decided the marriage was over: litigation, alimony, custody, dividing joint property and possessions... What were some things your ex-spouse did that you NEVER suspected he/she would sink so low?

Answer: The soon to be ex-wife has accused me of being a drunk, my family as abusive and irresponsible, and not fit to take care of our child. Plus, she told her attorney that she was not getting anything in our division of assets we agreed to. Meanwhile she has ended up with more that 75% of our community property. The topper was when the locks were changed at our house without my knowledge the weekend before I was to pick up my property. I showed up and had no access to my assets. Then I was threatened by her attorney that the cops would show up if I were to try and pick up my possesions on a scheduled weekend she agreed to.

Question: Will we see custody struggles over pets in the future the same way as over children...? A case in Maryland, USA caught the attention of the legal community and media when the only bone of contention with respect to this couple's divorce was custody of their dog. In Maryland, as with most states in the union, pets are treated as property for purposes of divorce cases, where if a question of "ownership" comes up, the animal is merely sold and the proceeds equally be divided between the two parties. This landmark ruling has treated the pet dog as a quasi- family member wherein the doggie will spend six months with each of its owners as part of the custodial arrangement. What are your thoughts about how family pets should be treated in such cases where custody of the animal is sought by both parties? http://voices.washingtonpost.com/crime-s… How do we decide who pays the veterinary bills and just how much of the bill(s)? What happens should one partner decide that they no longer wish to assume responsibility for the animal when it's their turn, should they be held in contempt of court?

Answer: I'm somewhat suprised that this never came up before. I actually was thinking about this awhile back - My fiance's sister bought a dog (with her money), and shortly thereafter, she moved in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend trained the dog, and I'm pretty sure they just about split expenses for it now. I wondered what would happen if they break up (they're kind of a mess as a couple). On the one hand, the girlfriend bought it, but on the other, the boyfriend trained it, spends more time with it, and honestly, would be a much better pet owner. If I had to choose, I'd give it to the boyfriend as I think he's a much better pet owner, but I think (if it came to it) that the courts would treat it as property and give it to the person who put the most financial investment into the dog, which would be the girlfriend. Anyway, as you pointed out, there are a lot of loose ends in this ruling - the idea in itself is good. Much like with children, it'd be great if two loving pet owners could split time with the dog (although every 6 months is a long time - I'd prefer weekly or bi-weekly switches). However, the vet bills, tagging fees, and the decisions that may come down the line as far as paying for a very expensive surgery for a dog who is old vs. deciding to put the dog down... It's foolish to ignore these things. You also have to wonder about the choices some people make with their dog (some feed the dog the cheapest food available, others buy the most expensive. Some owners walk their dogs, others just let them out in the yard. Some people give dogs people food, others don't, etc.). People are very particular about their pets, and I have to wonder what kind of action the court would/could take if one owner is buying all the best products, walking the dog, and being responsible, and the other owner underminds their efforts, buying cheap dog food, leaving the dog in the crate a lot of the day, etc. The idea is great, but there needs to be a lot of paperwork and stipulations for this. Even so, I think you'll see a lot more of "shared time" with pets from here on out. Americans are pet-crazy. Every year, some rich widow or widower dies and leaves millions of dollars to their dogs. If dogs can legally inherit estates, I think that they certainly can also have shared custody. Personally, I love the idea. While I pay for all the dogs expenses, if we ever broke up, I'd certainly allow my fiance to take my dog for a few days from time to time if she wanted to - although I would never agree to equal time as I pay for everything, trained the dog, walk her, etc. But it'd be a nice break for me to go visit friends for a few days without worrying about the dog too, so I'd definitely go for one weekend a month or so if she wanted, and I wouldn't expect her to contribute to any vet bills. Ideally, if both people paid equal parts for the dog, I think the best situation is to split the time equally, alternating weekly or bi-weekly. The owners need to agree to split the vet bills equally, and each can buy it's own food, but they should decide beforehand on a brand so the dog isn't constantly switching. They should also either be forced to purchase pet health insurance or to agree to pay up to a certain amount of dollars for medical treatments for the dog, in the event that it would come to a point where the dog may need to be put down. If one partner changes their mind, the other should get full custody - that should be what they both want anyway.

Question: Split Custody support issues in Texas? Last year my ex and I divorced. Visitation started and child support was awarded and we went our ways. One of my children recently chose to move in with me and I started the procedure for a modification of visitation. I went to court recently and there was not disputing the custody but the ex was unhappy about the modification of support. Texas doesn't "clearly" direct a Judge on how to rule in a case of children who are divided between different homes. It does address if someone has children from different people outside the original relationship. I have 1 child and the ex has 2. My lawyer worked the numbers and it comes out to 25% of my income goes to the ex and 20% of her income comes to me. My ex and I make roughly the same amount of money. The other lawyer came back with I should pay 22% of my income since the other child is living in a split home. (all 3 children are mine and my ex's) The judge ruled that I need to pay 4 times what the ex is being ordered to pay....is there anything anyone knows about situations like this I can provide my attorney. I haven't been able to turn up anything on the internet about how or why a judge should rule like this one did, and of course the Judge wouldn't explain to my attorney how he came to this conclusion. I will be going for final orders in approximatly 45days but I can't see providing an adequate home for a child with what I am left with.

Answer: I'm a little concerned that your attorney couldn't have done better with this. Did he talk to you about a Rebuttable Presumption? Check the second half of this article. http://ch11c-child_support_modifications… At the most, it should have been 18% of your income. The stupid thing is the state would have did best by having you pay 25% and her paying 20%. The reason for that is the state get 15% in federal matching funds, so the change would increase what they can claim from the feds. But, the judge may have realized that only 7 out of 1000 mothers who should be paying child support ever pay any of it. You might want to run this one past Texas Fathers For Equal Rights to see what their thoughts are. But, they do charge for membership. http://www.tferfw.org/ At Dads House there are no membership fees, and I know we do have a few members in Texas. http://dads-house.org/ When you become a member, I can hit up one of my legal advisers on this. I keep a list of attorneys and paralegals who owe my favors. I would suggest you consider interviewing some more attorneys to get some alternate opinions. Here's some links on how to do it. Also, whenever you go to court, use court watchers. Getting Started Http://Ch03a-Daily_Journals_In_Family_La… Http://Ch03b-Chronological_Statement_4_A… Http://Ch04e-Recording_Conversations-Leg… Attorneys & You Http://Ch04a-Choosing_A_Family_Law_Attor… Http://Ch04b-Interviewing_Family_Lawyers… Http://www.Helpyourselfdivorce.Com http://family-court-watchers.dads-house.… \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Question: How should roomates breakdown the rent on a 3 bedroom apartment? I am thinking of renting an apartment with a very good friend. We agreed to split utilities in 1/2. The thing is he has part time custody of his 2 daughters and wants a 3 bedroom apartment. I feel that since all bedrooms are the same its fair for each bedroom to be worth 1/3 of the rent. Which means 1/3 for me and 2/3 for him. He says that I should be paying more since I have the use of a nicer, bigger house. I always thought rent on an apartment was divided strictly by bedroom. It doesn't seem like a good deal for me to pay more because he wants an extra bedroom for when his children sleep over. My question is how would you split the rent in this situation. Thanks :) I said all bedrooms were equal. Im not sure where any of you got that I was getting a bigger bedroom. Also I will not be using or benefitting from his kids bedroom in any way shape or form whether or not they are there. He didnt ask for a 50/50 split. I think its closer to 60 him/40 me. He is asking me to pay about $150 more for my bedroom than he pays for either of his two. So he is still paing more but getting each bedroom at a much better price. Its been interesting to see the opinions so far. Thanks for all who have answered :)

Answer: If a larger apartment is being rented so his kids can stay, and otherwise a 2 bedroom would suffice, then he should pay the difference. Find out what an equivalent 2 bedroom apartment rents for...then split that price between the 2 of you and he pays the add'l difference for the extra bedroom. Example: If a 2 bedroom is $600 and a 3 bedroom is $700 then he should pay half the 2 bed price plus the extra bedroom ($300 + 100 = $400). You don't have use of a "nicer bigger house ", because the extra bedroom isn't for your use and if there's a bit more square footage in the (rest of the) apt, you apparently didn't need it. I've had different friends live together in the past couple of years. Each of my friends that had kids living at home paid an extra portion of the rent, for their kid. (2/3 of the rent instead of 1/2).

Question: How should things be divided?? if a relationship is ending where the man is the person who has been the financial provider and the woman has taken care of the house and the children how do you think that the belongings should be divided. Do you think the mother should get more od the possesions because of having custody of the kids or should it not matter who has the kids? he may have supported me financially but he is the one that bleed me dry by constantly lying to me cheating on me if my kids ever woke up crying at the same time instead helipng he would get up and start screaming at me because i didnt keep them quiet, why do people always assume that because the woman doesnt actually bring in an income that she bleeds a man dry

Answer: I would make certain that my children had everything they need. If she has the kids. Walk away. Let her have it all. Start over.

Question: Trying to get divorced with sole custody in California? April of 2008, I broke into my husbands email. I found a ton of bisexual ads and pictures. Some ads were posted by him and some answered by him. I planned on leaving him, just didn't know when. We have two small children that I stayed home with them until I got myself a job. I eventually left in November of 2008. We are in debt up to eyeballs, most of which happened while I was at home with the kids. He now threatens to take the kids from me if I don't follow his rules and he wants to make me half responsible for the debt. I understand in CA that everything is divided 50/50, but I don't think I should be pay half of what he charged up. I have the kids 98% of the time, and he refuses to pay child support (started paperwork to garnish his checks). He make 6 figures a year and tells me that he'll take any type of extra income away from me because he paid for everything all those years. We have joint custody, for now. I want to file for sole and physical, but I'm scared. Can I be legally responsible for half of our debt? Can he take my kids away from me? He's the one that ruined our marriage, not me.

Answer: Ok you really need a lawyer and agreements need to be made both on the property and custody side of things. I don't see why he should get full custody unless you're unfit, at the moment 50/50 if that's what he wants but the fact he isn't bothering about the kids now won't look good for him. I'm not sure about the debt but you should be able to show it's all his. Harriet