Intimacy

Question: intimacy................? my boyfriend and I are having a discussion about being intimate in the 'rear' department.... and he thinks that everyone does it and that it's normal, and I don't... am I prudish? can we please have a mix of guys and girls answering please......... ps .. boyfriend demands a response in the next 4 mins because ''the train is at the station.......'' lol, just kidding thanks

Answer: I personally would not do it, but the choice is yours. There are many people who have tried it and find they have enjoyed it, whereas there are others that find it gross and very hurtful. My only suggestion is, if you do not feel comfortable doing it, you should not be pushed into doing anything that you might later regret, however if you are open minded and would like to try it then I suggest you use a condom and some KY jelly (kidding) but I would say take precautions, perhaps you can speak to some people who have experienced it as personally I have not tried it and so I can not comment, but to ease your mind, your not prudish for not wanting to do it. I have been married 11 years and I have never even considered doing it, my husband has wanted to but he has respected my decision. At the end of the day your partner should really respect your decision, please do not feel you have to do it because he wants to. This has to be a mutual decision not just one sided.

Question: What is a fear of intimacy and how does it manifest? Would holding onto a past relationship and comparing the current one to the old one be a fear of intimacy? Or crushing on someone you know you can't have ex.) because they are married , could that be a fear of intimacy? Or having lots of lovers but none that you are close to, is that a fear of intimacy. Ultimately what does it mean? Why is there a fear of intimacy?

Answer: fear of intimacy manifests therough unsuccessful attempts to be intimate with someone. Todays society gives people pressure about how everythig revolves around sex. TV and media showign images of models to show how perfect we should be. Of course most people aren't exactly perfect and people have high epectation from the opposite sex. By believing this, you lose confidence to approach and be intimate with someone because you care too much about your ego and have too much pride that the other person might reject you and destroy you. Because of fear of getting hurt and damaging your ego, people live in their comfort zone that is far from the edges. To be intimate with someone is to open up to them. That means getting your guards down which means risking getting hurt....thus manifesting a fear of intimacy

Question: How do I build intimacy with my new live-in girlfriend? I recently moved in with my girlfriend and things are wonderful. We love and respect each other very much. Prior to moving in, we spent one year doing long-distance. Therefore, our relationship has lacked a certain sense of intimacy and trust. How can I build up this intimacy so we can start sharing the sides of ourselves that we hide?

Answer: Surprise her one night with a home cooked meal (beyond mac and cheese). With a bottle of red wine and tall centerpiece candles. And have frank sinatra play in the background. And don't forget flowers, try orchids or calla lillies

Question: Spiritually asking what if the sexual intimacy that we feel with our significant others? .....is just a type & shadow of the intimacy we will feel with God after this life is over? If a sexual orgasm feels that good now then imagine that heaven is going to feel infintely better than a sexual orgasm that lasts for all eternity. Think about it folks! The feelings of intimacy will increase all the more!

Answer: hmm... well, at least your avatar is cute.

Question: What is the big deal with women and wanting strings attached to all intimacy? Why would some women only give intimacy away if their is strings attached. What is so bad about just having a guy constantly for intimacy only, no strings. I dont have to deal with it. I have freedom to lie about imaginary strings. Im just saying, cus im tired of lying to women.

Answer: >What is so bad about just having a guy constantly for intimacy only, no strings. Because then, the only thing he wants you for is your body, for his own pleasure. He doesn't really care about you; he just wants you to fulfill his needs. He's using you. Want proof? Here: if she stopped putting out, you'd move on in a heartbeat. I want more than that. I'm more than just a warm body to slake a man's lust. I'm not gonna be some dude's unpaid hooker. I think I'm worth more than that. And you know what? I think everyone else is, too. People debase and devalue and degrade themselves when they behave like that. And it's not so much that I would only "give it away" if there are strings. I'm not trading sex for love or commitment, or anything for that matter. It's more like, I believe sex is special and should only be enjoyed between two people who are married to one another. I think it is more meaningful and satisfying when you're with someone you love who loves you back. So I decided to wait until I met a man who also believed that sex belongs in marriage only. I think our relationship is better for having waited.

Question: How important is physical intimacy in a marriage? I'm interested in opinions concerning the importance of physical intimacy in a marriage.

Answer: VERY Important. Sex is a natural part of life, it should be celebrated instead of frowned upon.

Question: What emotion do you feel when you experience physical or mental intimacy? This question includes romantic relationships, but I would like you to consider a much broader set of relations. What emotions are caused by being physically or mentally intimate in a wide range of situation? Does intimacy always evoke the same emotion, or different emtions in different circumstances? If yes, what are the circumstances and what are the emotions?

Answer: It depends on who your being intimate with. I can be intimate sexually with a woman or on a platonic level with a family member, a child or even a pet. Its the feeling of spreading and receiving love.

Question: Do you think that physical intimacy is a necessity for a relationship to last? In other words, without physical intimacy, no relationship will ever stand. It is totally necessary. Do you agree?

Answer: that is totaly false

Question: What is the difference between the way boys and girls approach sex and intimacy? I have a girlfriend that is bi and i don't know how she feels about sex. She says that girls turn her on also cuz she is bi but i am her boyfriend and i want to be the one that turns her on. Also, even though other guys dont turn me on at all, my girlfriend is trying to convince me that im bi deep down. I read somewhere that girls think about and approach sex and intimacy differently than boys. Can someone please explain in detail everything that i said?

Answer: to be honest..I think that it isn't about being girl or boy. But about the person itself. Some like it hard, other stay with the basics... I really hate to say because it's against my principles, but what I'm about to say now holds a bit of truth... boys are more fixed on the fùcking part, while girls like the foreplay and it takes longer for them to reach an orgasm.

Question: What is more important to sustain us: sex, love, or intimacy? We cannot make it very far or be very healthy and happy human beings without all three. But which is more important when it comes down to it? Sex, and one of our most basic physiological needs for release? Love, giving and receiving, love of family, friends, spouse? Or intimacy, the connection we share with those we are closest to? Are sex and love just two very different ways of expressing and seeking intimacy, one physical, one emotional?

Answer: Love, sex, and intimacy are all necessary for a healthy and productive marriage...A woman, who knows that she is loved in all areas of marriage, will take pleasure in having sex with the man she married...Intimacy like love takes action to complete its purpose... Having a loving, giving, and sharing relationship with the person you married provides couples the closeness that marriage craves... The bonds of intimacy are shared on each level in marriage from romance, to sex, to areas of communication.

Question: What causes a fear of commitment and intimacy? My daughter says I am a player but really I am not, I just run real fast from commitment, relationships, intimacy and well men I guess. I love men I have three brothers, however I find they are very clingy or always seem to fall hard for me. Even in High School they used to call me heart breaker, I am really not that special. However I get rid of one and more just keep showing up. I feel like when they get serious I get rid of them.

Answer: The fear of possibly having your heart broken. The fear of getting too emotionally attached. The fear of abdonement. The fear of spending too much time with one person. Or just the fact that you get bored easily. you really should refrain from seeing men if you dont plan on a proper permanent relationship.

Question: Are all relationships infinitely expandable intimacy-wise, or does it depend on the person? Especially pertaining to romantic relationships? For example if you are deeply intimate and in love with someone, do all future romantic relationships have the same potential, or is intimacy potential based on individual people? What if all future relationships can't seem to "get there" to that point of intimacy you had in that previous relationship?

Answer: I think it depends on the individual. Have you ever heard of a twin soul? Yes you could love everyone, but their will be one person who you are drawn to.

Question: What are the reasons for and consequences of intimacy? If you can, what are some negative and positive treatments of intimacy between people? this is for a research project and i couldn't find this in a book or online so i wanted to know from a person's perspective. Thanks!

Answer: Pros: trust, friendship, loyalty, and all that jazz Cons: you can get hurt easily and betrayal would hurt most from the people you're quite intimate with. It's like falling in love with someone. You have your good things about it, and you have your bad things about it. Most people had balanced the pros and cons about love, and would say that falling in love is a good thing, but those who experienced and crashed from it would point out the cons of it. So you can try to ask this question again, and rephrase into asking the pros and cons of falling in love. You'll get more answers that way.

Question: How did you get over your fear of intimacy? How did you get over your fear of intimacy? Come on guys, am I the only one thats got it?

Answer: omg i think i have that too. im kind of afraid of intimacy just because i get nervous and i act awkward and stuff. well i guess just find someone youre comfortable with? someone you can look like a douchbag in front of and dont have to worry.

Question: What are some psychological affects of lack of intimacy? What are, if any, some psychological affects of lack of intimacy in a marriage? This is to say there is no emotional support, no romance and no sex. The circumstances are these, both are in their 30's, are healthy in all aspects. The only reason for none of these is a power play and nothing to do with the everyday stress of life. Can this be constituted as a mind game? What are the psychological affects of being in this situation? Hey Jon, sorry about that. One tends to think a single person can be a little freeer in this area.

Answer: When things like emotional support, romance, and sex are gone, the relationship just become meaningless, especially in a relationship that had all those things when it first started. It's almost like two friends living together. They can only hope to resolve their difference or move on.

Question: Could there be Intimacy with someone living with genital herpes? Could two people have intimacy together if one partner has genital herpes and the other does not? Of course, If the proper precautions were taken and they were fully informed about the situation. And if so, what are some steps or bits of advice that they could benefit from?

Answer: The only advice of benefit is: Sure, go for it if you want to pay a high price for that intimacy ...it's a gift that lasts a lifetime. There is no cure...no matter how they try to glamorize and sell medication ads with "loving" couples in it. The little bonus bag that goes with Herpes...is the reputation of a skank, your births will all be Ceasarian and the women at work will fear using the same bathroom. How cool is that?

Question: Is condom use to blame for the lack of intimacy that plagues us? People use sex as an extension of masturbation these days - with no real regard or connection to their sexual partner. If pregnancy and disease couldn't be so easily defeated with a little bit of latex, would we be forced to form stronger relationships with our sexual partners? Would it lead to greater intimacy? Is the condom the reason divorce rates are so high, and people are so dissatisfied in marriages - with the groundwork for unhapiness being laid (pun not intended) during the "courtship" period?

Answer: I don't think a common would have anything to do with this. You need to understand that the birth control pill was invented in the 50s and when it became quite popular sexually transmitted diseases were not very difficult to cure (unlike today). So people were much freer with sexual contact with the pill and that did not lead to any better intimacy if anything probably much less. Sexually we're evolving very rapidly when you think about. When you go back 100 years ago you realize that a woman may have very few choices as to her partners. Now that is turned on its head with the use of the Internet. Someone can find someone very compatible with them that is 1000 miles away. It's much easier to drift out of a relationship. Also some women are maintaining their virginity but doing other sexual things at a level much higher than ever before.... I mean they're virgins but very friendly ones. I think the groundwork for unhappiness has a lot more to do with people not taking the time to communicate their goals, fantasies and future interest to each other. Without this more long-term understanding of each other you cannot form long-lasting relationships.

Question: Does the gratification of intimacy with your partner always trend downward with time? I have been with my partner for five years and it seems like intimacy is becoming more of a chore. Is this normal or a sign of impending doom?

Answer: Excluding any health issues, the truth is that sexual intensity or desire falls off when the little attentions that won your heart and affections have begun to flag. For far too many men think of their wives as if they were coke machines. You do a certain amount of foreplay and she is supposed to vend sex. Smart men realize that seduction is not something you try and do in the evening but something you begin doing all day long with little actions that say "I love you" You are most special woman on Earth" "You are Irresistable!" You can say this by leaving a note for her to find, by making an unexpected phone call during the day, by doing something you might not normally do be it making the bed, or washing the dishes, or perhaps a thoughtful card mailed to her office, maybe even a special little gift just because you love her. Perhaps it is turning off the sports or news and going for a walk with her that tells her she is most important thing in your life. I am sure you husband does not do this, but some men treat their wives like dirt and then expect sex and needless to say it does not work well, but it is possible that you spouse may have begun to take you for granted or perhaps he does not help in the house hold in any systematic c way and you feel burdened and soon sex can seem like just another item on your "to do" list. A chore as you say rather then a heart felt desire to give yourself body and soul to the man you love. It does not mean you love him less, but you feel less love and hence your attitude slowly changes. Communication is the water marriages swim and thrive in. It is probably time to refocus some of your time and energies on your partners and the sex life will quickly reflect this. No amount of attention to the sex end of thing can alter the relationship issues but happy love life nearly always is reflected in a active sex life.

Question: How do I overcome the fear of intimacy? Why am I afraid to anyone in? I think I have a fear of intimacy. I want more intimacy I think, but I seem to be hesitant to let anyone completely into my personal life. It's like I'm afraid of allowing myself to be vulnerable, and so I close people out to protect myself. How can I overcome this? Also, is it necessary to allow yourself to be open 100% to your intimate partner? Or, even in an intimate relationship, is it okay to keep parts of yourself only to yourself?

Answer: Of course it is. We all have the right to our own Privacy. I too have built a wall around myself. In my case , because I have been hurt so many times. You will let people in when you are ready to accept them. There are no rules to say we must give our all to anyone that comes along,and If as the gentleman mocked,you are gay, then so be it. Your time for intimacy will come,when you yourself are ready and not before. Good Luck Poppet.

Question: What is a word or phrase for someone who avoids intimacy and is anti social? What is a word or phrase for someone who avoids intimacy and is anti social?

Answer: Distant.