PFLAG

Question: GSA and Pflag:What is Your Info About Them? Gay-Straight Alliance: I was wondering what you guys know about the gsa and what ppl do there because m thinking about joining and m a little nervous b/c m not publicly out in skool yet. Pflag: My mom is joining the Pflag under a family memebership and i was wondering what u guys know about that and its activities.(i live in southern maryland, near dc if that matters)

Answer: You are lucky to have a supportive Mom. Also, probably lucky to live in a larger area with access to Washington. Although we now seem to be as hard on people who don't "Come-Out" the instant they suspect they might be Gay, as straits once were on anyone they so much as suspected might be Gay...there is no reason you need to be out at school. Read that post from the Michigan guy..... You have the option, since your Mom sounds sympathetic, and you are out at home, of separating out the savage world of HS from the full totality of your identity, and this is entirely up to you. Gay folks managed to find dates and establish relationships for a long, long, time before we got to march in parades, burn police cars in front of City Hall, and wear make-up to school.... Different cultures, and different families have different concepts of what is appropriate public information---my birth family felt that a gracious person NEVER discussed sex, politics, religion, or financial status with those who were not already "intimates" or family members. While this may sound very old fashioned to you, I throw it out into the arena because it gives some counterpoint to the notion that if you think you are gay at age 15 or 16, you MUST divulge it on Facebook, and begin tabling at the Gay Pride March and having relationships, or sex, or both. It is wonderful that you are in a more "supportive" era---and I hope you know we had to turn some cop cars over before that era could begin...but...being "out" is still an entirely personal decision worthy of a lot of soul searching. My personal opinion of Gay Straight Alliance is that it buffers it a bit---by it's name. Just as in the Drama Department, gays exist alongside straights and bi, and no one is particularly apt to be a huge homophobe there. Whether you join probably will be up to whether you feel the need to have gay allies or dates at your school. Depending on your age you might also be able to join a GSA at a local college instead. This is up to you, and if you go to PFLAG with your Mom, you will probably meet folks your age too. Good luck and don't be pressured.

Question: Alternatives to PFLAG? I'm planning to come out in a few weeks, and I would love to have PFLAG chapter in my area. However, there isn't one. That was surprising since I live in a fairly large city. The closest one is nearly one hour away. Anyway, are there any national groups that are specifically for parents and their newly-open children? Any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.

Answer: Great idea about the lgbt center. Call PFLAG's nearest local chapter and see what they suggest. They'll certainly work with you. If nothing else, get this book for your parents: "Straight Parents, Gay Children" by Robert Bernstein. Excellent book from PFLAG perspective. You can download all of the material PFLAG has from their website, http://www.pflag.org. Want some great coming out ideas? Go to http://chronos-tachyon.net/mirror/io.com/ I don't know of any other national group than PFLAG. After reading the Straight Parents book, I was actually surprised that it wasn't really formed until 1982. When you come out, it's important to not go overly dramatic. If you start off with "I have something terrible to tell you" you'll set the mood and it won't go well. Be positive, or casual, when you make the disclosure. A simple "I'm gay" is sufficient. Be prepared for a ton of questions from your parents and friends. Suddenly you become the recognized national authority on all things gay, from gay marriage to AIDS to gay policy during the Carter administration. It's pretty wild the range of questions people have when they suddenly realize they have a real, live homosexual in their midst. It's like you parked the Enterprise out front on the lawn sometimes. Another book you might want to give them is "Setting Them Straight," from Betty Berzon. It's more of a anti-gay bashing book, but it will definitely get them angry at your naysayers and push them more into the PFLAG camp once they know what you've been dealing with your whole life. Are there religious issues that you expect to encounter? If so, download "Letter from Louise" at http://www.godmademegay.com - that will take care of just about any flap from those quarters. Relax. This will probably go over a lot better than you think it will. This is the toughest thing you'll ever do, but the burden you're getting rid of is enormous and it'll be the best thing you ever do. Afterward you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. One more thing. Google "gay friendly churches" and your location. If there are any religious issues, it's great to be able to counter with "look at all these denominations that are gay embracing." Good luck!

Question: What is this group PFLAG and why are they Peeing on my Flag? I FOUGHT AND DIED IN TWO WORLD WARS FOR MY FLAG!! STOP PEEING ON MY FLAG!!

Answer: LOL (And thanks for the two points!)

Question: What exactly goes on at pflag meetings? i read a little about their causes on their web, but thats all. i also wanted 2 know when the meetings were held because there is one in my town. i checked their website but i couldnt find anything.

Answer: When I was first coming out and had a lot of issues with my parents, I went to a bunch of their meetings hoping to hear from other parents what got them to a place of acceptance. I didn't necessarily get the answers I was looking for (but then again the process is different for everyone) but I did meet a lot of really wonderful people who helped me feel better about the realizations I had come to. PFLAG is an open forum for discussing any issues concerning a family member or friend you have who is gay or lesbian. I don't know how much they deal with transsexual or transgendered issues (the meetings I went to didn't, but that doesn't necessarily mean they don't as a rule). They do everything from discussing personal stories/concerns to advocacy, organizing parades and events, providing support for members and their families, and raising visibility and awareness in the community. I HIGHLY suggest you go if you're even somewhat considering it (which it sounds like you are). It was one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences I've ever experienced. I hope this helps! :-)

Question: Are you a member of PFLAG? What is PFLAG like? What have been your experiences with the group? Do you think it is a positive thing to be involved in for a parent of a gay teen?

Answer: My parents were members of PFLAG for years when they lived in northern New Jersey. My late partner and I went with them to some of their meetings. Each chapter is probably a little different. The one my parents belonged to was a smaller group - maybe 20 people at each meeting -- very nice, friendly people, very welcoming to newcomers whether those newcomers were parents, other family members or friends, or members of the GLBT community. Its a very positive thing for parents (or family members or friends) of a gay teen. You will very quickly realize that you are NOT alone with your feelings or concerns. Wherever you are in terms of your acceptance of your son or daughter's homosexuality, the people you meet at PFLAG have been there. They know what you're going through, and they can offer a wealth of positive advice and accurate, unbiased information about homosexuality. Some larger chapters will show a film or bring in a speaker to talk on GLBT-related issues from time to time. Others will simply hold a discussion group for people to talk about their feelings, ask questions, and so on. Definitely a positive thing to be involved in!

Question: how can i get my mom to go to PFLAG? she says shes not going to go to a meeting where they say being gay is ok. shes a christian. what is PFLAG like? do some people get into relationships there? i would like to meet a boy my age, 15, and get in a relationship...how can i get my mom to go? and is it free?

Answer: You should draw the distinction between UNDERSTANDING you're gay and ACCEPTING you're gay. There is a subtle difference but a difference nonetheless. All you can do is give her the tools with which to get to know who you really are. You can't FORCE her to do anything she doesn't want to. And let's dispense with the convenient and much-touted mutual exclusivity of Christianity and homosexuality. One can have a healthy relationship with God and STILL be gay. Claiming to be "a good Christian" simply relieves bigoted people of the responsibility of being a good human being and accepting others for who they are. Yes. Your Mom's a bigot. And not very Christian at that. Do NOT use your PFLAG chapter as a place to hook up. PFLAG was established to help those who AREN'T gay to deal with homosexuality in their midst. Chances are participants don't want to see their son or daughter hitting on other young people. Be respectful. I believe the meetings are free but I could be wrong. Here's a thought: why don't you go alone and see who is there? Sit in on a couple of meetings. Maybe you'll know someone there. Even better, maybe your MOM will know this person and you can say "see? SHE'S going to these meetings and she's really getting a lot out of them." Finally: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Good luck.

Question: I was using my son's laptop and i found websites to pflag , gay.com and other websites what should i do?

Answer: What is there to do besides mind your own business?

Question: why do defenders of illegal aliens wave the PFLAG, the Communist Flag, and Cuban Che' Flags? http://hosted.ap.org/specials/interactives/_national/immigration_protests/index.html?SITE=TXMCA

Answer: I didn't see a single commie flag.. lots of American and Mexican flags though.

Question: Where can i create a personal group webpage 4 my pflag team?

Answer: You can create a personal website for your personal group on Yahoo Geocities. http://geocities.yahoo.com/ You can create one at no charge or with their paid service which includes more bells and whistles.

Question: Have you found groups such as PFLAG to be a good source for support or not? If not, what would you say has been your main source for support and care( other than a partner)?

Answer: My local PFLAG is very good, and my men's group offers them one thousand dollars per year for a gay scholarship for a local student. The community center here is very excellent also.

Question: where can i create a personal group webpage 4 my pflag team?

Answer: Try ourchart.org. I think they would be able to steer you in the right direction...they have lots of topics, maybe you could link onto theirs.

Question: Should PFLAG be required to admit people who oppose homosexuality into their group- to possibly lead? and to possibly lead and make decisions for the group? If you think no- then you cannot think that churches should be required to let homosexuals into membership or leadership roles if the denomination opposes homosexuality. Several people answered that churches should be required to let homosexuals join in a previous question. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsfguD1YEQkc08tjVhmX7Wnd7BR.;_ylv=3?qid=20071203094542AAq9XnI

Answer: This over-attentiveness to LGBT rights really zaps you out of time better spent on worrying about your own deeds and whether they're virtuous or not. NO human being is going to join a church that they know is going to treat them less than human based on illogical information, so I think you and the author of the "previous question are making things up to stir the pot. Personally I oppose anyone who supports hate in any form. _()_

Question: What can we do to show our support for the LGBT population? We are a straight couple and very strong supporters of LGBT rights. We have joined PFLAG, have a sticker on our car, and have attended gay bars (more fun and open than "straight" bars) and fundraising events with our married lesbian friends. What else can we do to show our support?

Answer: You are doing a lot to begin with. Make sure to attend other LGBT events, groups and continue supporting. You practically are doing a lot already. You could donate money, attend rallies, etc. BTW, thanks for supporting. I appreciate it and I'm sure the community does also.

Question: Where can gay people find faithful partners? Like... I have tried to date a few guys, but they usually hit on other guys while we are dating. So I am trying to find a place where I can meet gay guys who are faithful. I've tought about the gay-support centers in universities or junior colleges, and Pflag are better places to meet faithful gay guys than bars and night clubs. What do you think?

Answer: Sweetie....are you sure you are gay? pflag is "parents and friends of lesbians and gays" you won't find a date there.♥................try just being picky.......don't fall for someone until they prove they are faithful..............take a step back...and let someone fall in love with you♥

Question: What's the best way to start an organization? I've looked at organizations like NOW, PFLAG and SAG (just organizations in general) and was wondering what's the best way to being a new organization. I have a targeted audience, but how do I get the word out and legally make it my organization so no one takes it from me?

Answer: First of all you should contact a legal advicer to register you properties or organisation, and have to get the no objection certificate from the government like pollution control, registered built area etc thro a good lawyer

Question: what do you think of PFLAG...? I am 20. I like girls and i am girl. what do you think of pflag. I want to come out but scard and don't no how? have you ever been to a meeting?

Answer: I went at a meeting once and I didn't really like it because it was mostly older people. (30+) and I was 18. lol. I think you should give it a try, what do you have to lose? You might like it. You might become more comfortable with your sexual orientation if you go.

Question: School filtering system wont allow me on sites like GLSEN and PFLAG? and i think this is an infringement of my rights. How do I go about bringing legal action against the filtering service? its says its because of "Gay and Lesbian issues"

Answer: sorry, but schools actually have the power to block websites they feel are inappropriate or distracting to student's education. some web blockers automatically block community sites (b/c they are targeting facebook and myspace) but some good sites get blocked by default. they dont always do it on purpose.

Question: Which is a better organization, PFLAG or GLAAD? I realize that both of these organizations play an important role in defending the rights of gays and lesbians but I am curious as to public opinion.

Answer: They're different organizations in terms of focus. PFLAG is support for families. GLAAD tracks media representations of the LGBT community. Can't really compare, as both have an important role to play.

Question: Should I join my local PFLAG group? I'm lesbian, not really out, except to a few friends. There's a PFLAG group close to my college, I was wondering if I should go, because I don't know anyone else in my situation. Would it be a good idea, would that group be a good place to meet other people? Also, would it be okay if my straight guy friend come with me the first time? I don't want to go alone, haha.. thanks

Answer: Yes you should go, it will be very good. I think you would be able to help some of the parents there with their acceptance of their gay/lesbian//bisexual child. You need to hook up with the gay community especiall since you are in the closet, that means you have a lot of shame and or are fearful about others not accepting you as you are. This would be a great place to start your new life embracing and loving yourself for who you are. God Bless

Question: Help with PFLAG info.? Sept. 13 will be my mom and I's first time going to a PFLAG meeting. Now i have a few questions on PFLAG and information. Now i have went to the PFLAG-DETROIT website and learned what it is. I know most but have a few questions. This is more for people who have attended these meetings, etc. #1- Is PFLAG for GLBT people as well as family? #2- How was the meeting you went to? #3- Do they sell merchandise with their logo on it at the meeting? #4- Do you stay with the person you go with or get split up into support groups? #5- Do you cry from being emotional? #6- Do they allow children to go to meetings & groups? #7- Do you go to PFLAG groups regularly? #8- Do you find friends that relate to you? [GLBT] THANK YOU SO MUCH I AM EXTREMELY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS MEETING I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT GOING TO KNOW WHAT TO DO LOL I AM 16 & GAY.

Answer: You are going to find your first meeting a little difficult when you first walk in....all those strangers hanging about who know why you're there, but you will leave with a sense of relief knowing why all those other people were there.....for you and for people like you. PFLAG is one of the community's most profound advents. It exists not only as a support group for GLBT people who are just coming out, but for their families, who also have a process to get through on the journey toward acceptance. It is an all-volunteer organization, comprised of GLBT and family who are dedicated to supporting us in our family dynamics and coming to terms with orientation issues within it. You'll be glad you attended!