Reunion Registry

Question: I have a question about the ISRR (International Soundex Reunion Registry)? Is this strictly for people involved in adoption? I have been checking out the site and it doesn't look like it, but I don't want to be out of line if I posted info. I have had no contact with my father in over 30 years. I am pretty sure he has had other children and I would be interested in finding them. Would this be the place to do it, or are there other sites that might be helpful? Thanks in advance for your answers.

Answer: I think anyone can do it. They don't have an on-line registry, though. Do you know where your dad lives, or where he was born? I have access to a few states' birth & death indexes, as well as a genealogy.com membership. You can pm me the info if you'd like.

Question: Adoption reunion registry? I'm looking for my birth mother. I would like to know any and all reunion registries on the internet.

Answer: http://genforum.genealogy.com/adoption/ is one of the bigger Query boards. Cyndi's list has a whole category devoted to it: http://www.cyndislist.com/adoption.htm Google has a whole category devoted to the subject starting at http://directory.google.com/Top/Home/Fam… I hope this helps.

Question: Do State Run Reunion Registries Work? I found my Mom earlier this year. I've been on the State Adoption Information Registry in the hopes of a match since 1993. I've also kept any changes of address and 'waiver of confidentiality' letters with the Registry, the adoption agency and the Court. I'm distraught to disover that my mother placed a waiver of confidentiality with the agency and registered with the registry in 1996 once she'd discovered for sure that I wasn't actually dead (yes, they told her I died at 3 days old)! They never matched us and I'm livid. Also if both the mother and the father were named on the birth certificate, BOTH of them have to register before any information is divulged. How the heck is anyone supposed to know if one of them is deceased or MIA, wtf is that all about? I know an 83 year old adoptee who is denied her records because both her parents haven't registered! Do you think Reunion Registries work or not? ETA. My father wasn't named on the BC, so there is no excuse for the State not matching Mom and I

Answer: Even the New York State Legislature admits they are poorly run. The language of NYS Assembly Bill 8986A (recently passed and signed into law by Gov. Paterson) says a lot about the state run registry. Unfortunately, the Law only applies PROSPECTIVELY, not retroactively. **************************************… JUSTIFICATION: The Adoption Information Registry was established in 1984 within the Department of Health and provides a mechanism for adoptees and their biological parent(s) to access identifying information through dual consent. Many biological parents, however, are unaware of the existence of the Registry and so their birth children cannot avail themselves of identifying information, medical histories, and information regarding their family history, ethnic and religious heritage. Moreover, it is not inconceivable that a birth parent might die in the intervening years between relinquishing a child and that child coming into maturity and desiring identifying information. **************************************… So if the State of New York understands the shortcomings of its own Registry but is unwilling to rectify the situation for ALL adoptees - well, what more can I say?

Question: Do Reunion Registries Work? If an adoptee was born in one State and adopted in another State they do not qualify to register on either State's registry Also, obviously, a deceased person can't register, nor can a father who didn't sign the relinquishment papers Are State registries just a crumb thrown out in an attempt to placate searching adoptees and birth parents?

Answer: The greatest problems with reunion registries - 1. many don't know about them 2. many mother's were told not to bother searching - and wait for adoptees to search - therefore - they don't add their details 3. many adoptees are waiting for their mother's to come looking for them - which creates - with point #2 - a stand-off of sorts 4. some people have the wrong information (ie the birth date wrong - sometimes by just one day) - so information won't be matched 5. father's not being named on documents are a problem 6. as are those that are deceased In general - some have found each other on the registries - but they are few and far between. Yes - I agree that it appears to be a 'crumb' - as often states argue that these are enough for adoptee and first mothers - and they keep records sealed. Ultimately - adoptive parents have the money and the power in adoption - along with the adoption agencies. They want to keep reunions to a minimum - to keep everyone quiet - so everyone can pretend that the adoptions never really happened - and all is 'right with the world'. Take the money out of adoption - and make things a hell of a lot more transparent - such as they have done in Australia. When 18 - all adoptees and first parents can apply for information - and search if they so wish. No craziness going on down here - just families being allowed to know each other - after a life of separation. ETA: To Sarah = if an adoptee has no paperwork to state 'who' his father is - how on earth can he place those details on a registry????

Question: I'm looking for my Family. My fathers Name is Louis Cartagena and Mom Sondra. I don't know where to begin.? I just want to talk to them. learn about what kind of people they are. I have posted on sites where other people are looking for people with the same surname. I have tried the Reunion registry's, But no where did I find any clues. I don't have anymore information other than where I was born, Just the city, and my parents first names. My fathers Last, at least I think so.

Answer: I assume you were adopted and are looking for birth parents. Did you put this question in the adoption section? Have you searched the white pages or zabasearch? Have you tried to get your records unsealed? Keep in mind that this quest may not lead to the end of the rainbow. Good luck on your search.

Question: Useless baby registry items? I had a reunion with old college roommates who all have babies now. They said there were a few items on their registry or received as gifts that weren't worth the trouble of using. Since we're still expecting, most of our stuff is still boxed up. Are there items we should consider exchanging because they were not much help, or didn't perform as promised?

Answer: It depends on what you guys already have. There is so much baby gear out there and some of it is great and some not so great. One thing that we got 2 of that we never used were wipes warmers. Some parents swear by them, but we weren't going to go there. Our theory was that it would make those away from home changings that much more difficult. As it is, our baby is in an unfamiliar place, then I put a nice cold wipe on his bum when he's used to it being all warm. We also have an evenflo highchair that I hated. Reading about it it sounded great. The part I liked best was that it transformed into a booster seat that you can bring up to the table when the baby is old enough. Sure, that was true... but the cover was cloth. I hated that I couldn't wipe it off like I could a vinyl one. Sure, with a little shout, it washed up nicely, but what a pain. So make sure your high chair cover is vinyl or some sort of other wipeable material. Some people love the diaper genie, some don't. The biggest complaint that I've heard is that it fills up so quickly that you need to empty it every day, which can be a pain. But it is wonderful for those stinky poopy diapers. What we do is put all the wet diapers in a covered trash can in our bathroom, and the poopy ones into the genie. If you use this, thats one way to get around having to constantly empty it. One thing that we didn't use were the prepackaged layette sets we got. Most are one size, what size, I never figured out when my son was an infant. Yeah, the look nice all packaged up (they use an entire roll of tape to make it look as perfect as it does and it does not come off easily!), but it was something that we just didn't use. You're better off exchanging it for store credit and getting whatever size clothing you need.

Question: Hollywood Baby Shower Registry? (rant)? I recently received an invitation to the baby shower of one of my 'frenemies' from high school. She was in the popular group and we'd friends one day, then gossiping about each other the next. After school, we both went to different colleges and didn't really stay in close contact. I met up with her recently at our 10 year high school reunion and we talked for a while. Now she has invited me to her baby shower for her baby girl, which was lovely, until I saw the registry. The gifts have been registered at about 8 different stores and the prices range from $60 to over $1000. I'm not kidding. The items include: - a crib - a pram - a stroller - a changing table - a car seat - a bassinet - a baby gym - a playpen - an ergo carrier - multiple Juicy Couture rompers and dresses - multiple Baby Dior outfits - multiple Gymboree outfits - multiple Ralph Lauren outfits - a Prada diaper bag - Baby Dior booties - Baby Dior bibs - a Baby Dior bottle - multiple baby gifts from Tiffany, including frames, a feeding spoon and a rattle - and to polish it off, a baby Dior pacifier The invitation stated that tandum purchasing (two or more people putting money together to buy a gift) is welcome. I find this list to be incredibly overwhelming, to put it politely. To me it seems completely ridiculous and rude that somebody could even want all of this, let alone put it on their registry! This 'friend' and her boyfriend are not in a bad financial situation, but there's no way that they'd ever be able to afford all of this themselves! This is a registry I would expect off a Hollywood celebrity, which she certainly is not. I myself and other people she socializes with and have invited are quite well off financially, but no one has EVER had a registry even similar to hers (mine sure wasn't!). In fact, most were actually very modest. If people wanted expensive designer things, then they'd buy them themselves or family members would. I was talking with another friend who is invited to the shower and she says that about 70 or 80 people are invited. How absurd! I feel like she has missed the entire point of having a shower - it's supposed to celebrate the arrival of a baby, not to adorn the nursery with expensive designer things! I think that she will try and regain her 'cool' status by having a baby decked out in designer gear. She is going to get such a rude shock when the baby arrives and spits up all over Baby Dior dress no. 23. I don't know whether or not to attend this shower. At the reunion, I wanted to rekindle the friendship with this woman. It seemed like she had matured from all of the high school 'who's the coolest' pettiness, but judging from this registry I am starting to doubt that she has. Other people who are invited aren't too pleased with the registry either and I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't get many guests at all. Should I buy something in tandum with a friend or two, or should I just give this shower a miss?

Answer: I agree that her registry is out of control. If you really want to go, buy a gift card to one of the places she registered with, in an amount you feel is appropriate. If you want to stand your ground, throw out the invite.

Question: 1966 adopted in killeen TX,through private atty. how do i locate my family? girl born 12-27-66 by private atty, possibly peatree? bell co, killeen, Tx white-scott memorial hospital was premie new mother,nurse- new father,tx instrements. told have three different birth cert. numbers they later divorced, re-adopted by step-father in ft.levanworth ks.6-8 yrs after, family rumor was i was part indian and had a "card" of some sort ? mother has passed away long ago, not leaving any info about details surrounding me, dad#2 never knew any and accidently disposed of all my papers b-cert,school records,health records,adoption folder (containing the only paperwork my mother would never let me look at) is there any way to find out who i am ? cant afford private dick . dont know where to begin done that, did that, registry reunion no luck i know somewhere there is more to me than me!can any one help??

Answer: TX is one of the easier states to search, while they are not considered an open state, the birth index as well as the orignial birth books are online and searchable by anyone for a fee. Ancestry.com contains the birth index and this can be useful but it does not always contain the pre-adoption records. There is another record (the original birth books) that are more difficult to search especially if you don't have your birth cert #'s but you may be able to apply for it depending on the county laws. Here is what I recomend - register your information, as much as you know, including all of your parents (adopted) info. with this site. This site and the searchers are very successful and all at no cost to you. G's adoption search registry: http://www.aci.net/schaefer/page60.html On this site are several very proficient searchers for the state of TX. They will receive an e-mail with all of your information once your lisiting is posted and they can begin the search of the birth books and also give you direct information regarding if you can apply for your original cert.. If they can determine that they have located your original birth record, they and myself can begin the tracking of your original family. Good luck!

Question: for brian the brain? adoption.com reunion registry has what you're looking for (I Think) I googled "washington state adoption forums" to get this

Answer: o.K. I'm sure Brian is thankful.That is instresting info.

Question: RegDay! Have you ever heard of it? Have you ever been to one? Have you ever heard of RegDay? If not, here's a brief one line description: RegDay is an annual event to increase public awareness of the International Soundex Reunion Registry; a free humanitarian service better known as ISRR. ISRR is a non-profit mutual consent registry dedicated to reuniting adult family members separated by adoption, divorce, or other dislocation From http://www.regday.org OK 3 questions --- 1.) Have you ever heard of this before? 2.) Have you ever staffed a RegDay table, or been someone who registered at a RegDay event? What was your experience like? 3.) This is the 14th Annual RegDay coming up. Both the number of sites and the attendance (I believe) are down this year because a lot of people are very busy with this election. Can you think of any ideas outside the usual TV/radio/newspaper/internet promotions to spread awareness and promote this event? Thank you for the great promotion ideas!

Answer: I never heard of RegDay until this year. Ideas for promotion: -Send an email to the "Locator" tv show. Who knows, they might announce it. -Local grocery and drug stores may let a flyer be used as"'stuffers" in their bags, or leave sitting on the checkout counter. -Announce it to local MeetUp Groups / even ones that are not adoption related. -Churches: post on bulletin boards, ask priest / minister to announce during service. -Post flyer at local libraries. -Letter to the editor of local newpaper. -Post flyer at YMCA, YWCA, health clubs -Post flyer at community/civic centers/city hall.

Question: Can I Get the Letters Mom Left in my Adoption File? I recently found my first mother who was thrilled to hear from me. I have been looking for her since I turned 18 and she has also been pushing from the other side without success. Mom says she left letters and contact information for me with the people that handled the adoption over the years for me to have in case I ever came looking. They never gave them to me when I inquired. There you have it. We are two consenting adults attempting to make contact with each other and someone totally unrelated to us is standing in our way. Nobody ever directed her to any reunion registry, they just demeaned her and told her to go away. I got the same treatment from my side. Is there any recourse against them for this? Freddie, it has nothing to do with 'luck' it was an emotional and difficult (not to mention costly) 20 year journey, which will continue until we see adoptee rights to their own records restored. Care to help with the cause. I will be fighting to my dying day for all the adoptees who are still 'in the dark' - come join us in getting the legislation changed for future generations

Answer: Unfortunately you and your mom are in a "he said, she said" situation. Unless your mom has something IN WRITING from someone at the agency saying that they will put the letters in your file, there isn't much you can do. I know you have some choice communications from DSS. There is, of course, the court of public opinion. If you and your mom are willing to tell the story in public or to NYS legislators or to Peter Carucci - GO FOR IT! You know people who can introduce you to reporters for NY newspapers who would love this story. What do you want out of this? Punish the wicked? Open records?

Question: APs open to early reunion (open adoption)? I believe I have found contact information for my son's APs. I believe they will be open to contact based on a chance encounter 7 years ago. My question is... APs if you are open to contact in a semi or fully open adoption that has been closed, for whatever reason, what would be the best way for your child's nmom to initiate contact? I have photos of my son that I know they would love to have, social services wanted them given through the Post Adoption Registry but I never sent them, the registry would hold them until he was 18. I am heartbroken over my son having no clue what he looked like prior to 20 months. I was thinking I would email her the last photo they gave me, to ensure she knows I am who I say I am, and a newborn picture to start. How would you feel if you were sent an email such as this? Oh sigh. For the record, to those who have implied I am a an addict or abuser, that is simply not the case. I don't even drink for crying out loud. My adoption was closed by social services and reopened 4 years later by his APs, a friend of mine took it upon herself to throw away their number as SHE didn't think natural parents had any right to be involved with their children's lives. This was not my choice and I have spent the last 7 years trying to find them so I can explain what happened. A police station? Really? You are kidding me right? I have never had so much as a traffic ticket, I have never been in a court room outside of family court. I volunteer with premature infants at the hospital and with street youth, both of them require a police and child welfare reference check. A piss test? Double seriously?? I have NEVER had a drug test, not during all my involvement with child welfare, not at any of my jobs even though some had the right to ask, NEVER. There have never been allegations of drug use or abuse brought against me and his APs are aware of that. His reason for being in care was because I am anorexic not because I am an addict, dear lord, ALL natural moms MUST be addicts right? And you wonder why I constantly feel attacked as a natural mother here.

Answer: It took 6 years before I heard from the mother of the siblings we have adopted. It took me by surprise when it happened and it took me a little time to process, just because for me it came unexpectedly. I received an email from a legal advocate for their mother. The request was simple--that she get some pictures and be able to send the children gifts. The pictures were Zero problem for me to Send within moments by email. I didn't feel any issue at all about that and made sure to pick out the cute ones. I sent at least 20 or more. The issue about the children receiving gifts took me a little more time to think about. Right now, the children are in a very difficult stage and our children are very special needs...the gifts would be sent right after Christmamas and right in the middle of our families Post-Christmas celebrations of all four of our birthdays right after the holiday...The kids were gifted out and I did not want to Accept Gifts and Not give them right to the children... They are in a stage where there is a lot of hurt and anger going on--a lot of issues they are working out. In a way too I have concern that the children are not old enough or emotionally able to recognize the "Thought Counts" more then the quality of the content. Kids can be snotty and these kids just had the flood-gate on being gifted...I worried that if a gift came from their mother would they judge it? Would they Judge Her best Efforts to choose a gift for children she hasn't seen in 6 years? For HER I didn't want the spoiled-snarky age of the children to BE something they judged from such a naive point in life... does that make sense? I know the children and the stage they are at--and I know that gifts and contact WILL happen... But, for her and for the children my hope would be that nothing well-intended turned out to be hurtful for anyone. I have emailed her lagal aid and let them know I want to maintain contact--and I want her to know how the children are doing... I want her to understand that she is a part of their lives but, that we need to take these steps the best way for the kids... I want to keep in touch because I know the best way for them is not that long away--and I plan to be part of it... I want there to be a healing reunion when it happens. I have let her know the children do not really need Gifts from her--that they are of the age where they just think gifts are what life is about but, that the time when gifts from her will mean the most is not that far away...and right now the Most Special Gift she could offer would be a picture of our daughter before the age of 4 if there is one any place? Right now this would mean so much to her--and would be the kind of gift that would be healing in her life--a toy picked out for the little girl of 6 years ago could be more hurtful then helpful at this time. I hope that she will stay in touch and that she loves the pictures I sent--I also hope that she understands my reasoning. More then anything however, any picture would mean to world to her little girl! I hope that oneday I check my email and find one--and that we can work out the way of reuniting that is best for both of her children. * I think you have offered the most wonderful gift to your son and hope that everyone can work together and think sending the picture is a very awesome first step...just remember to give everyone the time to process what's happening and keep in mind that often the First Reaction someone makes--is not always going to be set in stone. The best advice I could share is to remember not to over react and allow this to happen with an understanding that people come along with time. The AP;s may respond to you one way at first--but, given time to go through it all they may respond differently as time passes and they are able to figure out how they feel and what is in the best interest of the child. It's best to let them go through the process without putting them on the defensive--even if they should be--even if you want them to be. It will be more positive to let them get there because of the love everyone has for your son--not in spite of it. It's only been a few weeks since I was shocked by contact after 6 years and I have gone throught a huge number of feelings and needed time to evaulate the whole situation--how I feel at this moment is not the same as I did a few weeks ago and may not be how I feel in another week. So, keep in mind that life is long and try to help the AP's have the ability to take one step at a time. It will go wrong if everyone can't work together and try to be supportive of each persons feelings in this situation... I do hope that the AP's of your son feel the kind of joy I would if only I could give our little girl a picture of the person she was when she was little...

Question: Can anybody share their experience with me on adoption reunion. I would just like to hear from adoptees.? I met my birth mother a year and a half ago through the registry on adoption.com. I was curious about where I came from. I am 33 and my birthmom is 49. I feel like she is very immature and very self centered. I have a family so I was not looking for a mother. I don't really like her and don't know what to do as far as our relationship goes. I am pretty much having one for her not for me because I would be allright never talking to her or seeing her again. She is not someone I would pick to be a friend. Help! I have been on an emotional roller coaster and need to get off. This is affecting all areas of my life including my marriage. Any experiences shared would be greatly appreciated.

Answer: oh god, star....i totally understand. i went through the same type of thing. i'm so glad we don't communicate anymore- it was so draining. i would never change the fact that i searched though, and i would do it again a hundred times, even knowing now what i do. i hope you will drop in at adultadoptees.org it's a great group.

Question: Adoptees...have you ever wondered if mom was here on Y!A? Hi All, This probably sounds so naive but Have any of you who have been searching for their mother and fathers ever wondered if "He" or "She" were reading your info,questions and comments??? I have joined many reunion registries in the hopes that I may be able to change my Mothers mind and seek a reunion at least for a one day meeting to have the questions answered in person! So have you ever wondered? This can be for Moms looking as well! Thank you all---You are a good support system to someone who has lost his whole Adoptive family to death...

Answer: Actually as an adotptive mom, I have wondered if my daughter's first mom might be here getting things off of her chest!

Question: Would like to begin searching process, Any feedback? Now that I have some extra time on my hands (part of the pink slip population) I would like to begin my search for my first mother. Does anyone have any suggestions besides the national registries? If in reunion, did you hire a agency to find this person for you? If so was it worth it? Or did you do the leg work yourself? Are there any books I should read prior to searching to make this process more understandable? (I consider myself pretty level headed but fear that this may bring up feelings I haven't coped with yet) Does anyone have positive/negative stories with reunion? From what I understand the situation wasn't drug related. She was 15 or 16 (most likely forced) and was in a Birthing Home for young women in the late 70's. She made a baby blanket that was given to us from the agency that I hold very dear to me. I believe she had the best intentions.

Answer: I was adopted in a state where I was able to obtain my original birth certificate. That gave me her name and age, and I began to use the internet to search for her on my own. After a year of roadblocks and soul-searching I hired someone. For me, I needed to be relatively certain that she would be ok with being found. Reading, The Girls Who Went Away, was very helpful. The adoption searcher found her within two weeks. She was a widow with small children when she gave me away. She was hesitant to talk to me at first as none of her family know about this. Yes, it has been worth it. We have developed a friendship through phone calls and have both expressed how nice it has been to learn about each other's lives. She is a wonderful person and I connect with her in a way that is different from anyone else, including my parents. I feel like I know myself better as a result of knowing her, and I LOVE knowing my own personal history. Some reunions don't go so well. I was aware of this before I searched. I had to get to the point where I was willing to search knowing I might not like what I found, knowing that I might be rejected, or that she might not be alive. I also had to acknowledge that adoption had impacted me greatly, and that it was ok to want to know the answers to my life. Searching is a risk, but I felt like I had come to a place in life where I could handle it and, for me, it has been REALLY worth it. People's reactions to searching can vary. I was shocked by some of my friend's negative reactions, and also touched by how supportive others were. Surround yourself by those who support this as it can be a very emotional journey. It is hard for people to understand who haven't been through it. I found great support through a couple of friends who had searched themselves. Good Luck to You!!!!

Question: How far is it from terminal#3 to terminal#1 at pearson airport? I am flying From Vancouver(westjet) and will be landing at terminal#3 At 6:55am.My next flight is to Timmins Ont. by air canada which leaves at 8:10 from terminal#1.That gives me 1 hr.15 min. to get from terminal #3 to terminal#1.I have to be at gate 30 min. before flight.Will I make it??? Would it help if I pack light and just have 2 carry on bags,that way I don't have to wait for my bags to unload.It will be hard to lighten the load as I am going for 3 to 4 weeks.I am going to meet my son who will be waiting for me in Timmins.I can not miss this flight because I have never met my son.This is a reunion for us after 45 yrs.I put him up for adoption when I was 16 yrs old and he was 6 days old.The canadian adoption registry found my son I have talked on the phone but the excitement is overwhelming for both of us.I need this info so i can sleep and stop worrying I leave on july 23, in just a few days I will be off to toronto.

Answer: There's a shuttle between the two terminals. It takes less than 2 minutes to shuttle between the two terminals. You more than likely won't have to claim your checked luggage. They should check it straight through to your final destination. Since you're traveling domestically (you're not coming from or going to the US), you won't have to go through customs, which is the usual reason your luggage wouldn't be checked through.

Question: Where do I find adoption records in Texas? I am looking for two sisters and one brother of my father's. He (Charles) has been searching for sixty years for them. Originally we only knew of Patsy (Patricia, b. 1940) and Tommy (Thomas, b. 1941), but one year ago we found out about another sister (Woodena Sue, b. 1938)--all born in Lubbock, Texas. We dont have a lot of money, but we very much would like to find them...time is running out as they are aging. We heard Tommy may have already passed on (family rumor). Also, while I have been trying to help my father reconnect with Patsy and Tommy (P and T apparently not being adopted until they were older), I have also found two sisters and one brother of Patsy's, Tommy's and Woodena's (and my father's) still living. We just had a wonderful reunion between one of the sisters and Charles, my father. Let's have this happen again! Anyone know where to start? I have already checked out TXCare and Adoption.com. Would rather have answers that do NOT include internet adoption registries.

Answer: Adoption records are sealed, and you need a court order to open them. I imagine that in order to get a court order, you’d have to have a darn good reason—something more than just ‘because I want to know’. That’s merely my opinion though. The only suggestion I have at this point is that Dad register with the Texas Central Adoption Registry…but I THINK that MIGHT be the same thing as TXcare. http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/reqproc/f…