Long-Term Foster Care

Question: my grandchildren are in long-term foster care, how can i get help getting them out the system?

Answer: IMO, you'd best hire a trustworthy lawyer familiar with the process. However there are things you can do on your own. Here's a web site to help: http://www.ehow.com/how_2086038_get-cust… There are some contacts you may want to try listed on http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs… However I am very leery of AARP, they are not reliable nor trustworthy, imo. Grandparents Rights Organization: http://www.grandparentsrights.org/

Question: should children in long term foster care be encouraged to maintain contact with their blood relatives ? Full answers please

Answer: I also grew up in foster care. www.sunshinegirlonarainyday.com Depending on their age, you might want to ask the child themselves what they prefer. I recently attended the Casey Foundation's 4th annual "It's My Life" conference, and spent lots of time talking with current foster youth. Because I am an alumni of foster care, many teenagers opened up to me. "Blood relatives" is a broad term. 1.) Foster youth (including myself) have often suffered from separation from their siblings. 2.) Some foster youth want contact with their biological parents -- and some don't. CASA representatives/guardians ad litem are supposed to represent the best interests of the foster child in court. Sadly, across the nation, not every foster child is appointed a representative to speak for them. Is your life just like everyone else's life in your particular "demographic?" I don't think so. People are individuals. Ask them. Listen to their answers. One caveat: If the relative is physically and/or sexually abusive, visits might have to be supervised. If visits are emotionally destructive to the child, that's another important thing to consider. So, what I am saying is that: "Every case is different. Look at the individuals involved. And, no matter how large your caseload is, take time to really listen to the child."

Question: For those who have been in long term foster care...? This is intended to be addressed to people who were in foster care for a significant chunk of their lives that they can remember (by which to say not for three weeks as a newborn.) I'm not going to get picky with the length of time, but long enough that being in foster care was an experience that actually consciously affected you. So... here's what I'm wondering. Would you describe yourself as pro-adoption, anti-adoption, or neutral on adoption, specifically concerning adoption from foster care? Given the choice of either, would you have preferred to have legal guardians instead of adoptive parents? Regardless of the previous question and assuming that returning to your biological family was not a possibility, would you have preferred an adoptive situation or to have remained in foster care until you became an adult? I'm not fishing for any particular response; I'm hoping you'll be as honest as possible. I'd really like to hear people's true views. Thanks! Not a "social experiment"-- or an experiment at all. I'm just asking people their opinions. The people who are most affected are the voices I want to hear. I'm heard it suggested by people who oppose adoption that all adoption-- including from foster care-- should be replaced by legal guardianship and/or permanent foster care. However, I'm not consciously aware of hearing this from anyone who has actually been in foster care; I'm only aware of hearing it from people affected by private infant adoption. I was just curious if the suggestion of legal guardianship and/or permanent foster care was one that also resonated with people who had experienced time in the foster system. (If so, I would consider revising my opinion in support of adoption from foster care.) That's why I'm so keen on honest answers. I want to know what people who have been in foster care really think is best.

Answer: I've spent my share of time in foster care, and I can honestly say.. I am pro-adoption. Sure it has it's ups AND downs. It isn't perfect, as the courts don't get enough background information on the children to make a difference in their lives, but ya know what? That can be changed. I am 30 years old, and I can say without the slightest hesitation, that I would NEVER want to see any child in the foster care system for very long. It causes low self image, it causes kids to feel like they really don't belong anywhere.. when what they need is the love and stability of a FAMILY. I was placed in a "Group home" at one point in time, and do you know what the kids who had homes with moms and dads had to say about us? We were "Home kids" nothing special, our feelings, thoughts and opinions didn't much ,matter because we were different from them. They treated most of us like second class citizens. Even the school teachers and principals did the same thing.. called us "Home Kids" and, should some trouble brew up, it was automatically decided that if a "home kid" was involved, it HAD to be their fault. Because of course, the kid with a mom, dad and home.. couldn't be to blame. During my time in the group home, I learned about other children.. some who had been there for YEARS, waiting to be adopted. There was even siblings there, separated, and living in different Cottages as they broke us down into groups of 12 to live. These kids were mostly all waiting for the same thing, either to be adopted, or for their own birth parents to get off the drugs, or do that counseling the courts had ordered just so they COULD go home... to a REAL home. They were waiting for parents.. be it their own, or adoptive parents. It didn't matter, just so they had some parents they could call their own. I'm thankful for my adoption, for those who also made it out of the group home, I know they were too, as I have kept in contact with a few of them. Others, weren't so lucky. Some ran away, never to be found or heard from again. While the rest.. well, I pray that wherever they are, that they're ok.

Question: should a child in long-term foster care be encouraged to maintain contact with his /her blood family?

Answer: I would ask the child's phsychologist this question. Without knowing every detail of the child's case, no one can really say. Our motherly/parental and human instinct is to say,"yes", but there ARE instances where professionals would say, "no". I know of two boys whose mother made them (at ages 6 and 8) sit on the end of the bed while she had sex, because she "didn't trust them to be by themselves" in a seperate room. When they were removed the 6 yo had a vocabuulary of a 2 yo and was the size and weight of an average 3 yo. The 8 yo had the intellegience of a 5 yo and was a normal height, but you could see his bones. The were isolated and beaten and abused. They have spent YEARS catching up. The mother had kept the boys from their father. He didn't even know the 6 yo existed.

Question: My kids are in long term foster care.? My kids have been in foster care since the end of May 2007. They were originally removed from our home because my youngest daughter got knocked down and was bruised on her forehead. I was trying to discipline our second oldest when this happened. Our second oldest reported the incident and we were investigated. We had spanked our kids for quite a while before this happened, but no severe beatings or marks to the kids ever. But apparantly spanking as a form of discipline was still considered abuse in this case. Okay, I know what happened was wrong and we didn't deserve our kids because they got abused. But over the course of this past nearing two years, my gf and I have followed all the guidelines, no yelling or hitting, attended parenting groups, so on. We even had the professional support of our psychiatrists and our social worker, but the judge still disapproved of us based on continual negative reports from the gaurdian ad leitem and foster mom, and for that reason and our kids remain in foster care. Even with the psychiatrist, a profesionals input, the gaurdian ad leitem and foster mom (who are apparently more qualified than a psychiatrist on one's mental well being) opinions were valued higher to this judge. Our psychiatrist coutered the gaurdian and foster mom's accusations that our kids were scared of us, so on, but the judge did NOT listen. She'd roll her eyes when we walked in the courtroom and we weren't dressed poorly and we both speak fairly well. Additionally, our 12 year old daughter has isues with me, maybe in part because i'm not her bio dad, but to the point, if she gets upset at a visit and spouts off lies to our social worker, we get punished by losing visits with the other kids. How come a 12 year old's words weigh so heavily especially when the socila worker has told me she knows this girl is manipulating her. I don't get that either. quite frustrated. what else are we supposed to do, we are at our wits ends trying to figure out what the judge wants us to do anymore. all we can do is love the heck out of our kids on visits. any ideas? suggestions, besides we shouldn't have abused them and lost them in the first place would be nice. Serious replies, please. thanks! I Know we'l get through this, but jeez, the waiting is hurting so much.... guess this was more of a reach out for support than a question, sorry. Part of the problem is not being able to afford a decent lawyer. Dealing with the system's lawyers doesn't seem to be cutting it. Because there are so many unmarried couples around with kids, I didn't even stop to think that may be part of the judges issue with us. She has told us, 'I am only interested in the children's well being' She'd rather be overprotective than have something happen I guess. I just don't know what else we can different anymore. A good lawyer is key here. Our oldest two are not my biological children. I haven't been living in her home nearly since the kids were removed. Our social worker arranges visits for us and visiting them at my gfs house hasn't been an issue with anybody that I have been made aware of. Last we've been told is by the end of the school year. We'll see where things are at in 6 months and so on. My role is seeing the kids only a few hours at most during visits because my work schedule conflicts with weekend visits, typically. I guess it'll work out, but we need to figure out how to pay for a decent attorney. That's what I dreaded (financially) all along the way. CPA isn't worth much. thanks! From the system not wanting to split the four kids up, inlcuding every outburst the kids have at the foster home being our fault, even our social worker hasn't known what to do at times along the way. I really appreciate the advice I'm getting. All my gf and I can do is contine to jump through the hoops they tell us to jum through. thanks to all who've replied. We do have a court appointed attorney, I appreciate the advice. Just contemplating not having a lawyer we paid for instead. I guess there's just been little complaints or concerns from the kids at visits that are being weighed very heavily, which makes sense. Our social worker has been thrown for a loop on this entire case too. She figured we wuld have gotten our kids back after 6 months. Unfortunately, one disgruntled 12 year old can create a lot of havoc. Much too much to write here, but honestly, she's fabricating things and unfortunately the system will listen to her. If any kid says they have concerns about things at home for whatever reason, real or imagined, it further delays things, or so has been the case with our situation.

Answer: you know you guys aren't married. that doesn't look good to the judge.

Question: Has anyone ever done long term legal guardianship of a child through foster care? If so, for how long? In what way did it differ from an adoption? Hmmm...well, bio parents rights are actually being terminated, in the situation I'm thinking of, so they can't see or apply to regain custody of the child... It's good though, that the BC isn't changed. :-) Allanas, that's heartbreaking! Thanks, though, for the info.

Answer: Legal guardianship is often frowned upon by the foster care system for unrelated foster children, and people who try to ask for it usually get heavy resistance or outright denial. It is (usually wrongly, I think) seen by the system as a lesser willingness to commit to the child, and social workers tend to be very worried by things like that. Additionally, all those I've ever talked to who have actually BEEN foster children for an extended length of time have shared the perception that a guardian would not be as committed, and have wanted an actual legal mom and dad. (Not saying ALL foster children feel this way, as I'm sure some don't, but the number I've talked to is extensive, so it's at least a percentage.) So legal guardianship instead of adoption may not be what the specific child wants or needs, and I sincerely hope that the child would actually be considered as an individual. Under the current system, pursuing legal guardianship of an unrelated foster child is nearly impossible. What is needed is systemic change so there's more flexibility. Unfortunately, the way things are set up now, it's not as simple as more prospective adoptive parents opting for guardianship instead, because it's not seen as a viable or permissible option in most jurisdictions. Prospective parents actually need to have the choice available to them, before they can make that choice, at at the moment it's lacking. It's a change that needs to happen on the systems level before individuals really have the power to make this decision for themselves. ETA: That's interesting, Cricketlady. I'm glad there are some places where there is more flexibility to meet the needs of children as individuals. Related to the original topic, I've remembered that there was a poster here awhile ago who was trying to get legal guardianship of a child in foster care-- JustAMom. She asked some questions about it. Last I heard she was still getting the runaround, so I'm not sure if she was ever successful or not, but you might want to look at the resolved questions for what she said about the process.

Question: What are some college grants available for long-term foster children? MORE INFORMATION: I was in foster care in South Carolina for 14-15 years, until I aged out at 18 years old. I was never adopted. I was on the honor roll during periods of my schooling, but did not recieve a high enough GPA to graduate with any outstanding recognitions or scholarships. There are plenty of websites, but the sites contain no application!!! (?)

Answer: http://www.fastweb.com/education-grants/… http://www.americanorphanassociation.org… http://www.nh.gov/postsecondary/financia… http://www.financialaidfinder.com/studen… http://ezinearticles.com/?Scholarship-Op… http://sparkaction.org/content/foster-ca… http://schoolscholarships.org/foster-chi… http://www.sciway.net/finaid.html There are other places to search in terms of your extra curricular activities, your ethnicity, general need-based scholarships apply to you, as well. You can also seek out local businesses and see if they will sponsor your education - they love it because it invests in their community, and it's a tax write-off. Don't be afraid to pound the pavement.

Question: Sources for Societal Pros of Funding Adoption vs. Funding Foster Care? I'm doing a research paper and I'm not sure if anyone can help me here but I'm having a great deal of trouble finding legitimate, up to date sources that compare the pros of foster care to the pros of adoption. From my understanding based on older sources (early 90s), adoption is more beneficial than long-term foster care on many levels. I'm trying to support that claim or challenge it if I get better information but I can't find any recent sources. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer: You may find some recent stats/information for the U.S. in www.childwelfare.gov Not sure if you wanted opinions or not.... I am an adoption worker in a public non-profit agency and IMO adoption outweighs long term foster care in the respect that adopted children have committed a/parents and MOST of them will grow in that home although some adoptive placements do disrupt and not all adoptive placements are any better than the homes these kids have been taken out of. I have seen foster children who are in their teens and were picked up and placed in foster care as very young toddler-aged children and now these kids are very messed up because they never had a chance to attach, settle in. Not all but many are involved with juvenile authorities, they have dropped out of school....and they will often have children who are sooner or later involved with the System. The long term costs in those situations are astronomical. In foster care, children are moved for random reasons....many are moved because their care givers are just not going to foster anymore. So then they are off to new families, new cities, new schools, new friends......dragging their few possessions in whatever they could find to put them in. Of course, the above is only my opinion based upon my observations and experience. I believe you may find some information in the above website. A keyword would be "permanency".

Question: State Assistance with Purchasing a Home for Foster Care? I am really interested in purchasing this home I found for sale near me, with the intentions of running a home for the UNadoptable long term foster children, mainly teens. Are there any state programs that would help with the purchase of the home for this purpose? Maryland is the state of interest.

Answer: i live in ireland so i cant help but i suggest you contact your local senator for information on the matter and good luck hope it works out

Question: Do you know that Long-term guardianship is NOT an option? I am interested in the many posts I see that suggest that guardianship or long-term foster care is preferred over adoption. In UT, this is just not an option at all. There has to be extreme circumstances before the courts will even consider either of these choices. The code reads that all "adoptable" children WILL be placed for adoption. In other words, if a family chooses long-term foster care or guardianship, they MAY risk losing the child to another home that will adopt. The reasoning is that guardianship does not equal permanence. (legal reasoning not mine folks) Why do so many people suggest guardianship? is that really a legal option in your state?

Answer: Guardianship is legal jumble mumble for long term fostering. And while many people may believe this is a great option or way to avoid someone's 'identity' being stripped away, think about it from the child's perspective. Try explaining long term guardianship to a 10 year old. All they understand is that they aren't adopted, they aren't wanted by a family, no one wanted them to be their son or daughter. They are just living with people. Fostering is admirable but children need permanency. They need a life long family, a permanent home, they need to belong. If that's not a crucial part of this 'identity' that gets tossed around so often I don't know what is. I have to agree about the birth certificate amendment, in part. I too don't see the need for a piece of paper to say I gave birth to a child. However, the certificate doesn't really say that. It lists parents, not biological parents who gave birth. The BC is needed for many legal aspects of a child's life - school, passports, etc - so it has to show who are the parents in charge of the child's legal affairs.

Question: What long term effects of crack early on in pregnancy have on a baby? Ok may be getting a child from foster care she is a healthy new born. Normal weight and no signs of drug dependency. The mother did admit to using drugs very early on once or twice. The child appears "normal" now. Will they remain that way or could there be long term effects

Answer: As a foster parent of 16 children I can tell you that every child is different. We had a 2 kids that the mom had taken drugs... 1 kid was completely fine and never had a problem the second child just all of a sudden lost it one day at 8 yrs old and we really never got a handle on it again. It was so sad. I would do it again though because every child deserves love and care in this world. There is always a chance that things can always be good.

Question: Where to start on writing a book about foster care and child abuse? So I grew up in an abusive family in all aspects. I was then put into foster care. I would love to write a book but I am having trouble figuring out where to start and how much to include. I mean should very extreme details(severe long term rape) be included or left out? Any ideas as a way of getting started? A personal memoir mixed with a non-fiction exposé of the foster care system

Answer: Based on your description, I'm having trouble figuring out whether you want to write: * A personal memoir * A non-fiction exposé of the foster care system * A novel set in a foster home If it's one of the two former ones, you'll definitely want to include the extreme details. If it's the latter, you need to consider your target audience. I can't really give you any other advice without knowing which of the three you're planning to tackle. -- Adding: Mixtures of autobiographies and non-fiction are a tough sell!! My boss has been trying to write one of those; the ghostwriters have been pushing hard for us to go one way or the other. Your book probably has a better chance of success if you go the non-fiction exposé route, and just write one brief introductory chapter about your own experiences. I've seen a few authors do that, and it works pretty well. If that would work for you, the best way to get started is... research. Start interviewing foster homes, children who grew up in foster homes, social workers who place kids in foster homes. You don't want to rely too heavily on personal anecdotes. As you do the research, your book will start to take shape pretty organically.

Question: Advice on foster care case worker? Ok, here's the situation. I have 3 foster children, placed with me into long term care. Until recently, their care plan was headed toward the EPR order (similar to adoption in Australia). The children have contact visits twice weekly with their natural parents. The kids struggle, big time. They're stressed, they don't eat & sleep properly while they're there, etc. Our case worker has recently made one of the contacts unsupervised, for the full day. She assured me the parents were no longer using (meth & other drugs). I've recently found out that they are in fact still using, and the children are displaying so many behaviours that worry me, such as coming home hitting each other, talking about "medicine", etc. There's also been a few incidents already where the kids have been injured and/or endangered. Basically, I'm terrified for the children's safety. They've been thrown into this ridiculous situation where the parents themselves are admitting they're unable to cope, but the case worker seems determined to send these children back, whatever the cost to them. She's absolutely not hearing any of my concerns. I can't go to her supervisor without talking directly to her first, which I've done, but she's just dismissing all the kids' needs. Any advice on what I could do, or how to approach this differently to get her to listen?

Answer: Awww honey. Not good, not good at all. Especially since the parents are still saying they cannot cope. I know when I was 11yo (7 years into Foster Care) I started visiting *Egg Doner* and her *Husband*, without supervision. One weekend visited I rang my Dad (Foster) up and he came and got me. I spent a week in hospital. That's all I know, I have blocked memories from it. *I feel* they are pushing kids back into their *Families* home too quickly. I know with my own personal case, I was pushed into doing things against my will. If she isn't allowing you to talk to her supervisor, she is actually breaking the law. You are able to contact her, without her wishes. When Dominik came into my care, I couldn't stand the attitude I was given by the State Worker, so I went straight above her. I refused to deal with someone who was too ignorant to listen. If she isn't listening to you, go above her, WITHOUT her permission. And document everything. I would even video tape their behaviour when they come home. There isn't an avenue I won't take to protect any of my children, and knowing you, I know you are the same. We had a recent hassle with Dominik, having a complete breakdown one night, going into a violent rage. A week has passed and he told me, that he *thought* he saw his parents. That is why he was edgy. So I can only image how the children feel actually being in care with them. Oh I am soooo sorry this is happening to those kids. They don't deserve it. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx…

Question: adoption V fostering long term? I have 2 soon to be 3 children of my own and would like to adopt in a few years time i know it can take a while so was going to register soon as i have been in foster care myself . I know how fostering works etc and im not concerned how old the child is although i would like a under 10 as i feel it would be easier to settle in over a teenager. what are the benefits of adoption over long term fostering also what are the fincancial implications between the two i know you get financial help with fostering but how about adoption im not doing it for the money i just want to make sure i can comfortably afford to offer a home. thank you oh so long term fostering in not really long term mm that would be tough

Answer: In many states there are "foster-to-adopt" programs where children are very likely to become legally free for adoption but have not yet. This is probably different from long term foster care, because the outcome is most likely going to be adoption. Most of the time, there are subsidies available monthly to families who adopt children out of foster care.

Question: why are kids in foster care moved around so much? Does the system do it so they won't get attached, do people decide they don't like the kid, do people get into it for short term? If I chose to foster, I would do it for the long term to give the kids a more stable environment.

Answer: This is a common misconception. The state tries to prevent the moving of foster children around as much as it can so to provide the child with a stable environment. However, there can be a number of reasons why they are moved, such as moving to a placement which is closer to another school, the placement itself breaking down or moving onto a carer within a different ages bracket or for their own personal reasons. Your right in what you said about long term with it being more stable, but sometimes things have to change for the best interests of the child.

Question: Has anybody out there been an Emergency Care foster parent? My husband and I are considering becoming Emergency Care foster parents, since we don't feel we can give enough time to children that need a more long term foster home. I have my mind made up that I would love to do this, however, my husband is still making up his mind. We have been married for a year and feel that we would like to do this before we have our own children and feel guilty for spending so much time with other children rather than our own. My husband hasn't gotten the chance that I have had to speak with a lady that has been doing this for 18 years, and doesn't really know the difference between more permanent foster care and emergency care. She was able to tell me so much, pros and cons, about being a foster parent. If we do decide to do this, we plan on starting with children 0-5, and if we feel it is right for us, we will go up to age 10 (since we are in our early 20's, we don't feel that we are ready to take on adolescents and teenagers). If anybody out there has done Emergency Care, I would love your advice and opinions, they would be greatly helpful!

Answer: I'm an adoption/foster care social worker. I do not advise this unless you're husband is completely ready to do it..... As far as time goes, you'll be getting 3 am phone calls...you'll have to miss work..... You've only been married a year...I'd wait....I really would.

Question: I have some questions about foster care and adoption? I have always wanted to adopt, but I have never really liked our system here in the USA, and have always been scared that our adoptive child would be taken away by the parents if we tried. I realize that few parents give their children away because they don't love/want them, but I would like a child that's either not emotionally attached to their birth parents, or that has been so neglected by them, that I don't feel bad in taking the parental role instead of the birth parents. I've considered adopting from other countries, but that is out of our price-range. We planned on doing this later in life, once we're more experienced, but we're struggling with infertility, and would really like children sooner rather than dealing with this for years. I would love to adopt a newborn that a teen mother decided to carry to term, rather than abort... But I don't know how to go about that. I would prefer this, but like I said, I don't even know how to get started. So... I am looking at the foster care system. How much does it cost to foster a child? How hard is it to find a child that's suitable for a couple that has no experience in parenting? How easy is it to adopt the child once you've fostered for a bit? What if we had our own children after adopting a child, or fostering long term? Would that harm the foster child emotionally? Or should we just choose between adoption or our own children? I would love to hear answers from adoptees, foster children, adoptive and foster parents alike. Thanks! Also, do you have to send foster children to public schools? I would prefer to home school or send them to a good private school?

Answer: Please, please, please look at adopting from foster care rather than a newborn. Many people want to adopt newborn babies, and most times these babies are placed for adoption for no good reason (being a teenager doesn't exclude someone from being capable of parenting). Children in foster care NEED parents. They have had to leave their families out of necessity, and many children age out of care without ever knowing adoption or even a stable placement. These are the children who adoption really does exist for. Fostering is very rewarding. It isn't for everyone, but if you are willing to do your research, listen and learn it's a wonderful experience. You should contact your local child protection office and ask for an information package and to attend an info session. I believe adoptions from foster care are extremely low cost, if not free, and while you are fostering you have access to resources that your child may need. I chose to be a foster parent instead of having children naturally. It certainly doesn't exclude you from foster parenting. As to whether or not you have biological children, that's something you need to decide in your families best interests. You can nominate the type of fostering you want to do, in your case it would be fostering to adopt. You can also choose what age range you feel would be best suited to you. Definitely get in touch with you child protection department. They will be able to guide you through the whole process and get you started on everything you need to know. Good luck!

Question: foster care in MI? Foster care in MI? My husband and i are going to start the foster care process in 2 weeks I am excited but anxious and trying to get all the info i can now. We are expecting to do long term infant care, We live in MI anyone else out there have advice , tips, stories, encouragement...let me know....P.S. we are also opening to adopting one or a couple ; ) of our foster care kids if it all works out and we have no other children and are young, at 21 and 22, we have been married for about 2 years.....sooooo info, advice, stories, ect..thanks if you have no experince please limit your advice.....i am just trying to gather first hand knowledge..as WE are already signed up for the classes and have spoken to social workers....thanks we definatly are not taking them in for the money, my husband and I have been budgeting on only his paychecks and all my money goes into savings so when we have kids or do foster care i can stay at home and play all day. I love kids we inherited this huge 5 bedroom house and have been so blessed financially and have a great supportive church and family and because we have been blessed we want to share everything we have....God is good and we want create a loving Christian household to love on kids while there here....

Answer: You sound like wonderful people, and I think that you will make wonderfull foster parents. I was in foster care for 13 years (just got out in 2005 when I graduated), and let me tell you, there isnt very many good foster parents...Or maybe I was just cursed. There are some out there though, and you 2 will definately be great. Just be warned, you are not only opening your home to these children, but you are also opening your heart. It will be very hard and will be heartbreaking to see them leave. It will be a very emotional experience. Just be loving to these children, and keep in mind that some of them have gone through major abuse even if they are young babies. The best foster home that I was ever in was with a pastor and his wife. I was 12 when I went to their home. He was the most loving foster father that I had ever had, and his wife was just as loving. They actually gave us hugs. Talked to us about our feelings. We did a lot of stuff with the church too, and a lot of stuff as a family. We would go on family trips to theme parks or just to the museum. We would have family walks, and movie night, and camping trips. Every day seemed to be a new adventure. I was never yelled at, hit, or made fun of. They had open minds and very good sence of humor. We ate breakfast and Dinner together too, which was always fun. Since you are taking infants, I would suggest turning one of your rooms into an art room, where they can color, paint, and stuff like that. Lots of trips to the park, and outside. Have a reading time where all of you snuggle up before bed with a couple of books... I would suggest you taking it slow. A lot of people going into fostering have a glorious plan of taking in a half a dozen kids. ANd thats all fine and dandy if you know you can handle it. I would start with one child and see how she fits, if you think you can handle more, then get another. Just pace yourself becuase you wouldnt want more than you can handle. I am not saying that you cannot handle 6 children...But I would rather be safe than sorry, becuase it is really important to be able to spend qualitly time with each child, and if you have more than you can handle all the fun goes out of it and it will feel more like a have-to job. You know what I mean? It was just that the last foster home I was in had 8 children in it, and the only time our foster parents had time for us is when they found out that we were doing something wrong, or had a problem with us. We felt like cattle more than anything to these people. I would suggest also to look up foster care forums on the web, and possibly start a blog about your experiences. With your attitude towards fostering though, I think that you are going to be an awesome foster mom. Dont lose that spark! Good luck and God bless you!! *EDIT* P.S. The person below me said that you cant be licenced for only infants...You can. I know a couple of families that are only licenced for infants. And it is not true that they usually come in groups of siblings. There are many children that come into foster care with no siblings, and a lot of the time, if they do have siblings, the siblings either get sent to a home that cares for sibling families, or are split up. My brother and I were split up in foster care. Unfortunately, it happens a lot. You can only get children in the age group that you are licenced for becuase thats law, unless the foster care department that you work for is messed up. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt and be a foster parent at the same time. Dont let people get you down!!!

Question: I want to become a foster parent, I have a few questions for current or former foster children? My partner and I are considering becoming foster parents and want a little more info from current and former foster children. Any information from current or former foster parents, or social workers would also be helpful. We want to help children by providing a stable home, love, support, and a connection for life. We are looking at the ages 11-17, either male or female, and up to 2 of the same gender. We are looking at long term foster care. Here are a few of my many questions, any additional information or experiences would be very helpful 1) What is your ideal foster parent like? 2) What are traits of a poor foster parent? 3) Foster parent rules you liked & didn't like? 4) Would you rather be the only child in the house or 1 of 2 foster children? 5) Clothes - you pick out when you arrive or already there? 6) Would you rather stay in a group home, or be placed at a home? 7) Do you have any choice in going to the foster parents home or not? 8) What's the best & worst way you met your new foster parents? 9) Do/did you want to contact birth parents? 10) Would having 2 female foster parents be an issue? 11) Were you motivated to go to college by foster parents? 12) Is/was you college paid for by State/Fed? 13) At the age of 18, did the foster parents kick you out or were you welcome in their home? 14) Did you see any of the money from the State? 15) Would you rather stay at the same school/city/area or be moved to a long term foster home? 16) How did foster parents ask you about you history &/or special needs? ie abuse(physical, mental, sexual), trauma, etc.. 17) How soon did you feel comfortable opening up to foster parents about your history? What helped you open up? 18) How did you vent?

Answer: OMG. You girls have thought this thing through and through! I can't answer any of those questions....but I wish you two the absolute best of luck!!!

Question: Why does everyone think that if you foster, you always have to give the child back? You don't! There are over 100,000 kids in the US waiting to be adopted that are in foster care! Each year, more than 25,000 kids "age-out" of the system with no-where to go. They were never adopted. Not all foster kids are going back.... Look at the statistics.... In 2006 - 510,000 children in care: 49% of kids in foster care had the goal of going home ** 23% of kids in foster care had the goal of adoption 8% of kids in foster care had the goal of living with a relative 9% of kids in foster care had the goal of long-term foster care 6% of kids in foster care had the goal of emancipation 6% of kids in foster care unknown. Lots of kids are available for adoption!

Answer: It is different in Canada. Most kids go back or do go long term. But long term fostering is hard, and we can't kid people about it. Knowing that maybe the child could be taken or moved at any time, and it DOES happen, is hard. I am a big proponent of foster care. I was a very good foster mom. I said goodbye to some amazing children. But all in all if you are fostering, you have to think you are fostering. You can't go in thinking even slightly that you might adopt. May it come up? Sure, but if it doesn't, if youi have a child in your life for two years and then the courts take a different action adn the child goes back, goes to long lost relative etc., it breaks your heart. If you are fostering and know the child could go, then it is easier (not easy, God not easy but easier( but if you have it in your head that you have this child forever, the grief is like a living death when the child is gone. I say foster, yes, and if something ever comes of it long term then great, but if you think of fostrering to keep the child, then you will have your heart broken.