Non-Relative Adoption

Question: If abortion is severely restricted or outlawed, should we also eliminate overseas adoption by non-relatives? Why or why not? BQ: Should society be obligated to help provide for these new, theoretical children in the form of health care, child care subsidies and other social services - and to what extent? Again, why or why not? Actually, the reason I was asking the question in the first place was because once again I was dogpiled on by a group of hags who are very much no-choicers but who are supporting each other in the quest to adopt overseas. When I pointed out there were many children under the age of 1 in foster care in the US and up for adoption, I was told that they were "crack babies" or "most have learning disabilities" or "those adoptions aren't legal", leading me to believe that this particular group of women would not adopt any American child just in case it had something "wrong" with it. Or, as one woman put it, "I don't want some deadbeat dad looking up my kid in 18 years." So yes, they have a lot to do with each other. And no, I do not believe it is OK to kill six month old children, which is why I'm somewhat distressed by the shredding of the current social safety net in the US. It's far from adequate. Also note I did not state my stance on choice vs. no-choice.

Answer: No. The reason that many adopting couples take in foreign children is because there aren't enough children up for adoption in the United States. If abortion was outlawed, this number would grow, and there would be less overseas adoptions. The trend would correct itself. Society is obligated already to provide for unwanted children in the form of orphanages and the foster care program. They should continue to do so to whatever extent is necessary. However, as established in the above paragraph, a greater number of American children available for adoption in the United States will lead to greater numbers of adoptions WITHIN the U.S. I have trouble believing, therefore, that outlawing abortion would change the numbers of American children in foster care/orphanages.

Question: UK adoption/guardianship laws? Just out of interest (this isn't me; I'm not pregnant) - if somebody falls pregnant, doesn't want to abort, but her nor the father want to keep the baby after the birth - can the person nominate a friend (non-relative) of hers to adopt the baby or transfer guardianship somehow (in the UK), or would the baby need to be placed with relatives or given up to the care system? And what about later down the line, if she 'tries it out', and finds she cannot parent this child, could she do the same when the baby is anything older than newborn?

Answer: I know that here in the US, relatives have priority over non-relatives, so the courts would most likely place a child with a relative rather than hand them over to a family friend or foster home. I'm sure it would be similar in somewhere like the UK. The friend would have to fight pretty hard to get custody of the child, even if both parents were in agreement of giving the friend custody of the baby. Courts favor relatives and natural parents. However, I'm pretty sure if the friend wanted to file as a foster parent they would have a better chance at someday obtaining full custody of the child.

Question: adoption from foster care? I'm adopting my 15 yr old goddaughter who has been living with me for a year. Her incarcerated mother's parental rights were just terminated & now they want me to legally adopt her. Ok, fine, but I'm not comfortable with some of the invasive questions they ask - what is the policy on confidentiality? If I tell them my income, which is a matter of record, why should I tell them how much other money I have? Why do I need to hire a lawyer just to do paperwork? What's a lawyer for? They are asking ME to adopt - other than I love her & she needs me, what benefit is there to me? I KNOW why they want it - so they don't have to be responsible anymore - they do not pay me anything now as it is!I'm a non-relative and not licensed - they asked me to take her - no one else could or would! I'm so sick of the intrusions!

Answer: You are doing a very wonderful and noble action by adopting this child but don't forget, what goes around, comes around. That's especially true for loving and generous behavior. You will reap many benefits by welcoming this child into your family. I speak from experience as I adopted my foster son when his birth mom gave him up. I never wanted to adopt, I had started fostering because I felt so guilty about so many children without a safe home. I thought I could help one or two children out and then be able to better enjoy my own safe and prosperous lifestyle. Then, b-mom was found and decided she could not give this child a decent life and gave up her rights. I will never stop thanking her for that selfless decision! The social workers asked me to adopt. I couldn't face the idea of tossing this babe back into the social care system even though I never thought I wanted to be a permanent mom. Now, almost 12 years later, I cannot begin to tell you how my son has enriched my life and brought me happiness I never expected. Yes, we have many issues - what family does not? I can't retire - too many regular and extraordinary expenses! But these issues are trivial compared to the joy of seeing him grow and develop into such a wonderful young man! When people say that my son is lucky, I always reply that I'm the lucky one! Yes, the adoption officials are asking intrusive questions, but that's part of the adoption process. I hope you can just go with the flow and give them the info they need to make the adoption final. And I wish you as much joy with your adopted daughter as I have had with my adopted son.

Question: To all of you who are so critical of adoption I'd like to know what you would suggest to first moms.? I am so sick an tired of every one getting yelled at for: Considering adopting a child Adopting a child Giving a child up for adoption I would love to know what you expect teen moms to do? Do you expect them to have abortions is that better then giving there poor babies up to non relatives. Do you expect every teen mom to keep her baby and have them both become a statistic if she has no support and has to live on welfare? I understand that some of you have have very bad experiences with adoption that doesn't mean what you have dealt with is the norm. Please try to be a little more sensitive of what you say. If I had real questions I would never post them here. BTW I have been a foster mom and will adopt through the system some day. I have close friends and relatives that are very grateful their first moms gave them a chance at life. I have seen some of the horror that can happen, but I have seen a lot more good. I really am interested to know what you think should happen if the world could run the way you wanted. I wasn't being critical of teen moms or womon who choose to keep their babies. I was not being self rightouse with my comment about being a foster mom. I was just being protective of all the mothers who choose to adopt or the mom's who want to grow up before they become parents. I will stay out of this section from now on and let all you bitter people have it.

Answer: AMEN!! I just posted a similiar question! Adoption is NECESSARY. It is a CHOICE. IT is the best choice for some. Oh it may not be easy but doing the right thing is rarely easy. Adoptees do go on to live full lives and so do their birth mothers!!! It is NOT realistic to expect CHILDREN to raise babies with NO SUPPORT. This is Hogwash. How naive can one be? Do these extremists really wish that we have a society of poor young mothers??? I simply do not understand. When a teen girl gets pregnant she has NO good options. Keeping her baby is not a good option either my dears. Adoption is an answer to a tragic situation especially if a poor girl was raped. And this blabbering that ABORTION is better than ADOPTION is absolutely a horrid thought!! Girls who abort also live with regret and saddness!!! Why not live knowing you gave a child LIFE????

Question: Do you know the benefits of child guardianships? Why are they not yet used in the USA more than adoptions? In cases involving non-relatives, I hear good things about guardianship arrangements from the child's standpoint. Why would there be objections to guardianships? What would it take to have guardianships utilized on a wider scale in the USA? Thank you for your thoughts.

Answer: Most adoptive parents in the US want to raise a child "as if born to" them. It would take some mass education to convince most of us that we could include someone in our family and love that person without taking away his or her name and erasing his or her past. Never mind that stepparents do it all the time....

Question: Adopting again, or keeping our family "open"? My family has all talked about how neat it would be to adopt a younger sibling for the children we have (whom we also adopted). The problem is that the children's birth mother, whom we have no contact with (closed adoption through DHS, but this one closed for good reasons not to be shared here), has another child whom the kids have never met, but knew she was pregnant with. This is a half sibling...so even though we'd love to adopt again, we feel it in our best interests to not start up the process again, in case the half sibling ever gets removed from the mother...but that could take years, if ever (and our heart's desire is that she straightens out her life and keeps this child). So, what would you do? Adopt again, or keep "open" to the possibility that the half sibling situation may appear at any time, and hold off on adopting a non-relative child? Our concern is that if we were approached with a sibling group...that the state has only approved us for 4 children total because of the size of our home, and so if we adopted 2 more children, that there would be no way to adopt the half sibling should "it" (because we don't know it's gender) ever come into the situation.

Answer: Personally, I think I'd stay available for this other child (assuming it won't happen, but just in case, I'd rather take the chance at a smaller family while making it possible to bring home another child if necessary...it's not about wanting another child, it's about what's best for the child, and it's usually best for a child to stay with his/her siblings if possible), and in the meantime, enjoy the ones already in the home. But that's just me, and this is a huge decision that no one can make for you.