Pragmatic Marriage

Question: Should pragmatic marriage be abolished? why?

Answer: I would think that marriages based on pragmatism would be more successful than those based on 'love,' which seems to come, then go all to quickly. IF more people slowed down and based their future on what is good for them, more people would stay married, and it is very common to fall in love with the person best suited to you.!

Question: In your experience, what makes a marriage last? I haven't been in too many long-term relationships due to the fact that I feel being financially independent in a career is more important than having a relationship to fill an empty void. I look at my parent's arranged marriage and over the years they have developed feelings for each other but a relationship based on convenience is just that. I can equate an arranged marriage to being a vegan --all of a sudden because others have pointed out that eating meat is cruel you decide not to. My long-time friend is on the brinks of divorce after just a decade of marriage and she married in love. So as a single person it got me thinking, what makes a marriage last? Even when you are in love and try to make it work it falls apart... Pragmatic people may say that marriage takes work and not just love alone but what happens when even that isn't an option? It probably has to do with the foundation of the relationship and the motivation for commitment. My friend could have took more time to build the foundation rather than marry out of societal pressure due to age. What do you guys think? Most sensible people will say, a sound foundation of emotional and physical attraction will build a strong relationship with effort along the way. What happens when you grow up together and drift apart? What happens when people decide to change spouses like changing convertibles... What makes a marriage last?

Answer: I think the foundation is mutual respect for one another and trust, which is usually earned. The ability to forgive freely their human faults is huge. To be able to voice your thoughts and opinons to each other without fear. If your mate disappoints you, you should be able to say "honey, I'm a little disappointed." Communication. I think all relationships are very organic. Even friendships fluctuate over time as the people grow and change. You have to be willing to let your partner grow and be mature enough to even encourage that. Something simple like furthering education or changing careers. Marriage is a partnership. Prayer certainly helps, too.

Question: Gay Marriage: Win - Win? I don't understand why there is opposition to gay marriage. Most of those opposed express the idea that homosexuality is evil/immoral and that homosexuality is a choice, therefore exposure might turn their children gay. Doesn't it make more sense to allow gay marriage at the state level and thus homosexuals will flock to friendly communities like San Fran or Boston? Otherwise gays will have no incentive to leave the areas they are, exposing children to sexually deviant behavior or whatever. Liberals are happy with the respect for what they believe to be a basic element of the human experience and conservatives are happy with the pragmatic removal of homosexuals from their neioghborhoods... am I missing something?

Answer: Your question doesn't make any sense. Why would homosexuals will flock to friendly communities like San Francisco or Boston if gay marriages were allowed at the state level? What is the connection? How about we send all the Taliban prisoners to San Francisco and put the gays in Guantanamo Bay?

Question: What happened to the gay activists of the 70's who considered "gay marriage" an ignoble goal tied to religion? Back in the 60's and 70's many of that ilk associated marriage with religious traditions and doctrines which they abhorred and so they considered "gay marriage" a kind of oxymoron within the lifestyle. Has the gay community, for pragmatic reasons related to the gay rights movement, effectively silenced the once very common belief amongst gays of a previous generation who lived in protest of the "confinement" and religious-overtones of the marriage contract? I recall the days when the anti-marriage views of the homosexual community (when the term "gay" was not yet universally embraced) was very common in California and in the Pacific Northwest, especially on very "progressive" university campuses. Yet, the last time I've heard much from that contingent/faction was when the gay marriage referendum was on the Oregon ballot some years ago and a well-known gay male couple (at least, well-known within the state's gay community) appeared on many of the commercials speaking against gay marriage. In those political ads they explained that their long-term relationship had never needed any special legal sanctions to secure the rights they needed and that that was among the reasons why they opposed gay marriage legislation. But on their website they explained the basis of their opinion, all related to their disdain for an ancient institution (which was in many cultures also a religious one) that they considered a contradiction to modern values which gays should embrace. Has that element of the gay community disappeared or simply gone silent (or has been silenced?) as a matter of strategy? Or have more "religious gays" come out in recent decades and taken over the activist agenda such that being gay is now considered less of a rebellion against religion than it might have been considered in the past?

Answer: The 1970's was still in the beginning of the gay rights movement. If you liken it to feminism in the 70's, you'll see that a lot of people within the movement felt the need to distance their cause as far from the status quo as possible. Radicalism is easier to rally people behind because it really plays on that us vs. them mentality that a marginalized group has been condition to feel anyway. You empower people by making the things that stigmatized them into a symbol of individuality and strength. But as time went on and civil rights became more common place, there's less of need for such a dramatic break with the norm. There's simply more room for moderate and practical voices.

Question: Is planning for a potentially husbandless future pessimistic or pragmatic? We've all heard the statistics about black women and marriage - a little less than half will never find a husband. In DC, where I live, that figure is even worse. I'm about to turn 28 and I've recently been thinking about what I should do to prepare myself for those almost inevitable reality. I already have a good job, can pay my bills, etc, so my next step is to start preparing myself to adopt. I've been getting a lot of critical feedback however - "I'm too young", "I'm giving up on love too early", etc. It's funny because this isn't the life I envisioned for myself either - adopting as a single parent with no husband on the horizon. I never really had a family, so the thought of not having the chance to have one as adult kills me. That doesn't change the facts however - and the facts are that there are more women then men, and than in the black community it's very difficult for a woman to find a man who wants to settle down. The last thing I want to do is look for someone until I'm 45, realize I'm never going to meet anyone, then try to have a baby or try to adopt when I'm older. Also, I don't know why 28 is too young to have kids. It wasn't too young for the generations that came before me. So my question, or questions are: Is it bad to plan for a future without a husband? Is it pessimistic thinking or is it prudent planning?

Answer: Not pessimistic at all. Even if you had a husband, you should plan for being able to live and survive and have a life on your own. What will probably happen is you will meet some wonderful independent guy who's thrilled to pieces that he's met someone so put together and polished as you are, and you'll have nothing to worry about. Do what feels right, work toward the goals you wish to achieve, and you will meet the right person---or find the right path in life. You are not giving up on love, adopting a child or having a child is just the beginning of true love. Pray or meditate (whatever your persuasion) about it, and the answers will come. Don't rush into things, but definitely don't wait for the right "guy" to come along to make your life what you want it to be. They come around when you least expect it, from the most odd of places. And...28 is very young nowadays..not to be morbid but life expectancy is closer to 100. Good luck, and I hope you find what you are looking for. "To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe"-Dr. Carl Sagan I add this quote as an overarching idea I keep in the top of my mind---I hope you get as much use from it in application as I do! :) PS--don't "look" for someone...it will find you if it's meant to be. You'll bump into him on the street...

Question: Non-religious reasons for being sexually conservative? I believe there is some merit to being conservative with sex. However, this isn't an argument against pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex could include sex between two people who are engaged and serious about each other but haven't gone through the official marriage proceedings. Aside from any religious thinking, a marriage ceremony is simply that, a ceremony. You could technically be "married" to someone but not have an official marriage document; however, the lack of a marriage document doesn't necessarily nullify the marriage. I know what some religions have to say on being sexually conservative, but for the sake of this argument I want everything limited to pragmatic reasons. For non-religious reasons I believe that: -If you just have sex with every boyfriend/girlfriend you have it can cause some significant emotional/psychological damage -Sex can be an incredibly addictive behavior and should be practiced judiciously -Possibility of transmitting STDs (although people really should get screened before sex though; I am not completely sure if this would rule out the possibility of contracting an STD however) -Always the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy -Make you view relationships in an unhealthy or unrealistic way in that you expect sex more than you should -Has the propensity to make your partner a little closer to a sex object than an equal Does anybody else have any reasons?

Answer: S-T-D

Question: Do you have non-religious reasons for being sexually conservative? I believe there is some merit to being conservative with sex. However, this isn't an argument against pre-marital sex. Pre-marital sex could include sex between two people who are engaged and serious about each other but haven't gone through the official marriage proceedings. Aside from any religious thinking, a marriage ceremony is simply that, a ceremony. You could technically be "married" to someone but not have an official marriage document; however, the lack of a marriage document doesn't necessarily nullify the marriage. I know what some religions have to say on being sexually conservative, but for the sake of this argument I want everything limited to pragmatic reasons. For non-religious reasons I believe that: -If you just have sex with every boyfriend/girlfriend you have it can cause some significant emotional/psychological damage -Sex can be an incredibly addictive behavior and should be practiced judiciously -Possibility of transmitting STDs (although people really should get screened before sex though; I am not completely sure if this would rule out the possibility of contracting an STD however) -Always the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy -Make you view relationships in an unhealthy or unrealistic way in that you expect sex more than you should -Has the propensity to make your partner a little closer to a sex object than an equal Does anybody else have any reasons? Note: this isn't really pre-marital sex, this is sexual conservatism. Someone could have pre-marital sex and still be sexually conservative (like the dedicated couple example I mentioned earlier). Regardless of religion there are realities that are apparent to everyone that have to be handled with appropriately and with reason. If something causes harm to you or someone else, then it should be avoided. This isn't a religious discussion, it is a pragmatic one. It is likely those of you who are immediately saying "we can have unbridled sex because we don't subscribe to religion" are associating sexual conservatism with religion, which you may have a negative opinion of. That is an absurd way to look at the realities of life. Most religions say not to murder people but I would bet you agree with that principle. To reject something just because a religion said it isn't very pragmatic.

Answer: It goes against nature. Sexual urge as the first poster assumed, is not exacerbated by god or nature. Its the media, the culture, our clothes our style that has enhanced sexual desire to the max. But that isn't even the worst part. As technologically advancing humans, we are prone to having sex for all the enjoyment, and none of the responsibilities. This is why the abortion rate is so high, this is why the divorce rate is so high, this is why single parent hood is so common, and the crime rate amongst single parent families is so high. (Even with all the condomns, contraceptives, and counseling available!) So how do you do defend such an argument? You get a pregnant premarital couple, a healthy marriage, and single parent family, all of which functions normally to "prove" that society is doing ok. Why in reality, the other 99% of families are failing. The cold hard facts remain that, society is starting to think more and more selfishly and deny the responsibilities that make us human beings.

Question: HOT GHETTO MESS (RESPONSE BLOG) I want to know your thoughts.? It saddens me that we as Africans in America can no longer distingiush the difference between ointment and salt. Camaflauged in the ointment of help, this website does nothing but re-inforce negative stereotypes which rubs salt in the deep wounds of African people in America. This unholy marriage of Reality and MINSTRIAL T.V. does nothing but dehumanize and demonize the very people who need the most help. In Robert M Entman and Andrew Rojecki's work"The Black Image in the White Mind" - They, discuss the effects of life in a segregated society. Their book offers a comprehensive look at the intricate and subtle racial patterns in the mass media and discusses how these powerful images play a significant role in shaping the attitudes of Whites toward Blacks. White Americans, they show, learn about African Americans not through personal relationships, but through the images shown by the media and internet sites like HOT GHETTO MESS. In addition, the authors reveal a subtle pattern of images that communicates a racial hierarchy in which white's are seen as morally "superior" and Blacks are viewed as morally deprived and almost sub-human. This site PROVES that After 150 years of African slavery, 100 years Jim Crow and minstrial entertainment, and 40 years of media demonization, Africans in America have internalized these images and made them their own. African Americans no longer simply respond to the name Toby, but they have embraced the identity. (For those of you who do not understand the analogy, I am referring to the movie Roots. Kunta Kente's white master made him change his name.) Carter G. Woodson and Na'im Akbar are RIGHT, MANY AFRICAN'S IN AMERICA ARE PSYCHOLOGICAL SLAVES. Psychological slavery is much more crippling than physical slavery because the victim is unconsciously his own oppresser. Anyone who finds this "masochistic mess" entertaining are themselves unconscious slaves. What emotionally healthy and sane person laughs at their own victimhood? Secondly, this pragmatic strategy, of MAKING BLACKS DO BETTER is ineffective because we are ATTACK the SYMPTOMS AND NOT THE PROBLEMS. If we really want to HELP Africans in America "DO BETTER" than we need to do more than simply attack their clothes, sem-nude Play boy or Ghetto queen pics. We need to discuss economic development, job training, mentoring programs and etc. Trying use BLACK EXPLOITATION as a MEANS TO IMPROVE THE BLACK SOCIAL CONDITION IS A FOOLISH PIPE DREAM. IF YOU WANT TO GIVE BLACK PEOPLE THE KEY TO THE AMERICAN DREAM TO HELP THEM TO DO BETTER BY FOCUSING MORE ON EDUCATION INSTEAD OF EXPLOITATION. Lastly, the sadist part of this SITE IS THAT IT IS REALLY NOT POKING FUN AT SPECIFIC PEOPLE AS MUCH AS IT IS POKING FUN AT THEIR SPECIFIC PLIGHT!!! When we spend time making FUN OF PEOPLES PAIN, POVERTY AND IDENTITY IN THE NAME OF HELP and Righteous Indignation, WE "THE ENLIGHTENED" ARE THE REAL HOT GHETTO MESS! That is the equavelent of telling a man who is runnig from a lion that he should hide in the lake full of hungery allegators or it is like a Doctor telling a cripple man that in order to fix one leg the Doctor has to break the other. This venue, HOT GHETTO MESS, IS NOT OFFERING HELP OR CORRECTION, IT IS JUST A NEW PREDATOR THAT FEEDS INTO RACIAL STEREOTYPES. AFRICANS IN AMERICA ARE SICK OF CHOOSING WHICH WAY THEY WILL BE CRIPPLE, WE MUST DEVELOP STRATEGIES TO MAKE THEM WHOLE. (I AM INTERESTED IN YOUR HONEST THOUGHTS!)

Answer: Wow, what an interesting essay you have written. I too agree with some of the points made. I have had many open and frank discussions with friends who are "African American". Truly these types of discussions are essential for a better understanding of the individuals point of view, on both sides. There's no doubt in my mind that there is something wrong with the way blacks are being treated and percieved. It's not coincidence that the majority of blacks are in dire shape. Who's responsible for this? I believe everyone is. Whites, Blacks, Asians, Hispanics. Everyone. I completely agree that blacks although not physically a slave is in indeed a physcological slave. Everyone's to blame for this. So how do we come to terms with this and find a solution? Not sure, definitely there needs to be more dialogue from all sides. I would say to continue with the portrayal of blacks more positively in the media, and also show more inter racial couples. I have to feel in my heart that in some ways things are improving. Why? I remember about 10 years ago seeing an inter racial couple walking hand in hand down the street would cause stares. Now it is no big deal. I'm not saying that you see this in some parts of the country, you won't but I truly feel there's a change happening albeit a slow one. Let's all strive for more and better understanding of each other. Also, more tolerance would not hurt as well. Thank you for your words, more needs to be done. One day at a time.

Question: MUSLIM RIGHTS: Which would you support taking away to protect the country? A couple of years ago there was a poll taken about whether Americans would be willing to take away some of the rights of Muslims in order to protect the country. About 50% of Americans said they would be willing to take "some". Examples: Only Muslims must account for themselves in airports, because only Muslim pose the threat. All Islamic leaders must be registered in a database, any who are not face prison time. Inflammatory hate-imam's can be deported. Banning of Mosques or any other place used for planning and assembly. All converts must be registered. Any Quran that doesnt have Surah 9 (Genocide of all non-muslims chapter) removed should be illegal, the same as child porn or terrorist manuals. Muslim immgrents are banned idefinetly Marriage cannot confer citzenship on a muslim The difference between me and the PC drones who refuse to accept reality is that I am pragmatic. Civil rights are important, but they are NOT ABSOLUTES. Islam is the exception.

Answer: Then again if these measures are taken it may ensure the safety of Muslims; meaning they won't be so likely to do wrong. Yes you are pragmatic. Keep in mind Islam is a word, a name at title such as you call your self Super Antagonist. Us Muslims would've been called popinjays or popovers or Pizza. Maybe who knows? What makes or breaks a title, name or word are the people behind it. Someone made a post that because Muslims are being cut down they should tuck their tails between their legs and run. I say not. I'm here facing you aren't I? Perhaps you are right about Islam being the exception, Surprise that I a Muslim am saying this? Don't be and no I am not trying to get on your good graces I don't believe in that crap. I say what it is. Truth be told they should learn how to solve their own problems instead of the usual "look at what they are doing to us, because we are Muslim" or whatever else it is their saying I don't pay attention, happens more often than not. Don't you see they made that choice when they would've chosen to do things differently. This is why it's still a third world over here. Your questions never offend me and they shouldn't I know and understand myself. I know I won't change my mind. I know I won't change yours. I don't want to. I'm Muslim yet I prefer my own self and that's the truth. I have to be responsible for my own actions. I have to be responsible for what I do and how it affects others.

Question: Getting married? My boyfriend is in the military, and he is having a more difficult time being apart than I am at this point. We are very much in love, and he wants to get a marriage license in order for us to be able to live together and have more time with one another. He feels that this is the most pragmatic thing to do, and eventually if and when we are ready to make it official, we'll have a ceremony. I have a lot of hesistations. I love him and see him as a permanent fixture in my life. But I'm worried that it could messy, dealing w/ my family and trying to keep the marriage a secret. Is it possible for us to live together and create a similar life w/o getting married? By the way, we're two pretty responsible people. I'm 23, he's 24. We don't have any trust issues. We really want to be together, the military just makes it even more difficult if you're not married. My family will think we are getting married for a different reason and we don't want to have a ceremony/rings or any of that until possibly later. And my family is VERY religious. I meant a ceremony as in a "real wedding" not one of those court house kinds w/ a witness.

Answer: Do what you're most comfortable with. I'm not sure why you would keep your marriage a secret from your family; you don't owe anyone a ceremony, and if you feel that getting legally married without the fuss is the right thing to do for the two of you - you should go for it without having to get stressed out about what everyone else might think. You can also live together for now, and not get married until later - the only issue would be is to think how you're going to handle moving around being that he's in the military (don't know what his situation is). I personally would probably get married sooner rather than later, and then start building your life as a married couple. Ceremony can always be organized later if you so desire, call it the renewal of the vows or whatnot. It's not that important in the grand scheme of things.

Question: Can I be with a married man forever? Really long complicated story.... Im 24 yr old attractive dentistry student 24, he is 34 businessman. lets call him Jay. Met him when I was 18, he was my first boyfriend. We dated for two years at which point his family were pressuring him to get married (we are both asian muslim) and had found several suitors. He asked me (somewhat casually I felt) if I wanted to marry him. I said no, I felt too young, plus I wasnt sure if i loved him ( i didnt think I believed in 'Love' at that age and had a different view of what marriage meant. He told me he had a similar view point to me. a somewhat pragmatic view on 'love'. I never told him I loved him.) We broke up a month before he got an arraged marriage to someone else. she was 1 year younger than him and worked in the same field as him. It seemed perfect and I was happy for him. But I couldnt stop crying after he got married and thought about him all the time. 9 months went and although I missed him, I didnt make any contact and was really trying to move on. But one night I was feeling bored and ended up in a chat room I knew he sometimes visited before we dated. Hundreds of ppl are on this chat room and i went on there before on occasions when I couldnt sleep. long story short, he was on there that night to and somehow we ended up chatting to eachother, although we both initially didnt realise who we were chatting to. After few mins I realised it was Jay, so i lied about my true identity, and he told half truths about himself, but i still figured out it was him quite quickly. So we ended up talking on msn for a month, him thinking I was someone else... I wanted to stop talking to him but I couldnt. I was curious about how he was and how his marriage was. at the end I revealed he had been talking to me all this time and we met up for a coffee. after thatwe kept touch here and ther on msn. from advice from friends, I tried dating someone else. Sid was gorgeous and had a body to die for. but it made things worse cos i couldnt stop comparing him to Jay and realised I was so upset that he had married someone else. i broke up with sid after 4 months and ran back into the arms of jay, my married ex. That was in 2008. It was hard at first, i couldnt get the whole I'm with a 'married man' thing out of my head, I wouldnt let him touch me for months. But when i saw how his marriage was (shes a workaholic, spent 2/7 days at their home and the rest at her parents, he lived on takeaways and they never have sex (he says she's not interested and that he isnt attracted to her)), it made things easier. I saw him 2-3 times a week. Sometimes less sometimes more depending on my studies etc. 3 weeks ago, I got angry at him (anotther long story) and sent him a text on a night I know he wpuld be with his wife. It wasnt intentional, i was just so angry and the rage took over, and i impulsively pressed send with instant regret. She found the text, and his life has turned upside down since then. his wife now calls him every hour and wants to be with him 24/7. he still calls me twice a day except weekends now, but ive only seen him once since then. he says things will go back to normal in few months. I've been wanting to end things with him for a long time, and i've tried, but everytime I try he latches on to me and makes it so hard. 6 months ago I finaly admitted to him that i am in love with him and have been for the past 5 years - this had made things harder. Anyway, today I told him this is the perfect time to end it, that he should work on his marriage and let me try and move on. but he gets all upset and says that i should be with him until i meet someone or get married. He doesnt understand that as long as I am with him, i will nevr meet any1, that i have to get over him first. I came home upset, and cant stop crying. He's been in my life the last 5/6 years. I've been seeing him every week the last 3 years and talk to him everyday. I cant imagine my life witout him. I am so madly in love with him, but the guilt and that fact that he isnt really mine and we have no future is tearing me up. He says he cant leave his wife because the shame it will bring to the family and his wife has anxiety issues and will probably try and kill herself if he did. Plus I dont want him to either. it makes things too complicated and I dont want to destroy anyones life. But everytime i try to break free he makes it impossible. he manipulates me into staying. he says things like 'clearly you dont love me cos you want to break up'. the pain of missing him is unbearable and I end up giving in and picking up his call eventually and going back to square one. Now I'm wondering if it would be possible to just be the pathetic other woman for the rest of my life.just concentrate on my career and continue seeing him part-time. scarifice a married life and kids, just for this one guy. I feel so pathetic.

Answer: I see three options. 1. Be the other woman. This will hurt both you and him, but is the path of least resistance. 2. Marry him as his second wife. I'm pretty sure Islam is OK with it, though it might be a tough sell to the wife. 3. Move on and stick to your decision. Eventually you'll find someone who is as good or better than the married guy. No one can make the choice for you, but #3 looks like it is the best option for all people involved.

Question: The 7 Noahide Laws, who are these for, Gentiles? What is most beautiful about these laws, is the breathing room they provide. They resonate equally in a hut in Africa or a palace in India, in a school in Moscow or a suburban home in America. They are like the guidelines of a great master of music or art: firm, reliable and comprehensive -- but only a base, and upon this base each people and every person may build. "The Seven Noahide Laws" are a sacred inheritance of all the children of Noah, one that every person on the face of the earth can use as the basis of his or her spiritual, moral and pragmatic life. If enough of us will begin to incorporate these laws into our lives, we will see a different world very soon. Sooner than we can imagine. THE 7 LAWS 1 Acknowledge that there is only one G-d who is Infinite and Supreme above all things. Do not replace that Supreme Being with finite idols, be it yourself, or other beings. This command includes such acts as prayer, study and meditation. 2 Respect the Creator. As frustrated and angry as you may be, do not vent it by cursing your Maker. 3 Respect human life. Every human being is an entire world. To save a life is to save that entire world. To destroy a life is to destroy an entire world. To help others live is a corollary of this principle. 4 Respect the institution of marriage. Marriage is a most Divine act. The marriage of a man and a woman is a reflection of the oneness of G-d and His creation. Disloyalty in marriage is an assault on that oneness. 5 Respect the rights and property of others. Be honest in all your business dealings. By relying on G-d rather than on our own conniving, we express our trust in Him as the Provider of Life. 6 Respect G-d's creatures. At first, Man was forbidden to consume meat. After the Great Flood, he was permitted - but with a warning: Do not cause unnecessary suffering to any creature. 7 Maintain justice. Justice is G-d's business, but we are given the charge to lay down necessary laws and enforce them whenever we can. When we right the wrongs of society, we are acting as partners in the act of sustaining the creation. These laws are NOT mandatory, just preferred. How many of you are were aware that these are the laws that pertain to Gentiles? @FireFop. Yes, really. Lol. I pulled these from Judaism. The Mosaic law and 10 Commandents were given to the Jews for the Jews, not Gentiles. So they made these 7 Noahide Laws for the Gentiles as guidelines. Judaism is cool like that.

Answer: If you respect N° 6, do not buy huge eggs : they make the hens suffer and sometimes kill them !

Question: BF wants to marry me, but doesn't want to buy a ring or have any kind of celebration? This question may have come up before, but I'd like some input - particularly from the guys: My BF of 2 years (our anniversary is in 2 weeks) has been talking marriage since April. This was always something HE initiated - I'd never mentioned it to him. Over the summer, we've had many conversations where he insists he wants to marry me ASAP (we have some logistical issues re: where to live), and in early July I suggested that maybe we could just go ahead & get engaged and work on the logistics from there. I knew he didn't want to spend huge $ on a diamond ring because they are so way overpriced - and I sort of got the feeling that the whole "ring" thing wasn't something he was excited about, but I gently said that, while I'd be glad to wear any ring he offered, I did and do want a ring. He didn't seem to have a problem with that - we even talked about other options (other stones, diamond simulants, etc.) as an alternative. Almost 3 weeks ago, during a particularly affectionate time, he put his arms around me and said "I want to be your husband. I want you for my wife". I half-jokingly asked, "Is that a proposal?" to which he replied, "If I had a ring, I'd propose". Then he suddenly stopped me from what I was doing, looked into my eyes and just simply said, "Marry me." And I said yes, of course. And we agreed that this was "real", but also that it wasn't completely official until he gives me a ring. OK.so why, then, does he yesterday (after being all of a sudden in a terrible mood for the past week) suddenly tell me that I'm not getting a ring right now, and he might not get me one at all (engagement ring - he has no problem with a wedding band). I was floored and found myself having to justify why I wanted a ring, which made me feel awful (remember, I had made clear I wasn't looking for a big expensive rock). He cited the fact that we've both been married before (yes, his first wife got a ring) and really, if he had his way, we'd just take an afternoon, go to City Hall and get married - done. He's completely indifferent to what he calls the "fluff", but seemed to at least accept that, while I am very pragmatic, I would like at least a little of it. He went on to say that he just doesn't know what my expectations are (he balked at the idea of spending $ on a honeymoon too - I'd be happy if we just had a long weekend away somewhere, or if we made my planned trip to Disney with my son the "honeymoon") and that it should be us getting married that matters. Of course, in principle, he's right about that last part, but am I crazy for being hurt and feeling like I've been hit by a truck at what is all of a sudden a very blasé attitude toward the whole thing? Bizarrely, the one thing he's adamant he DOES want to do is actually get married, so it's apparently not that he has cold feet or is just telling me things to keep me around with no real desire to actually wed. My emotions are pretty messed up right now and I just don't know what to think, or feel.

Answer: Tell him to take a walk and you go find someone who will appreciate you.

Question: What does this dream mean? The remaining 50% is a list of symbols and their meanings? I shared a house with this beautiful girl Sarah F. She had a fiance who lived in a smaller cottage downstairs... and she excelled in everything that she did. They were Christian so they weren't having sex before marriage... and she was rooming with me instead (a girl) Then we were in a big boat on the waters, the tides came and tried to sweep us over and kill us but because we prayed about it nothing happened to the boat that was sailing in... even though 80 - 95% of the boat was submerged by the waters of the sea at one point in time. Well we were on the boat we were asked by our advisors some academic questions to test out intellectual aptitude... it was a question about rock formation and how certain triggers in the environment such as a spill of rocks would alter the composition of the rocks that remained in their original position and I gave a simple pragmatic anwer to the question that I was asked while Sarah began her answer with a really long set of equations with E and some other symbol that looked like Z When I heard her say this... I reacted as if I had just listened to a beautiful song and I began to cry at how beautfiul her equation was.... And today I wake up to read a newspaper that says "missing 16 year old girl at sea found safe and sound." About the symbols: Sarah F. was a Christian girl in my highschool who excelled and prospered in everything that she did... she always got the highest marks in school and was the epitomy of virtue and moral goodness. She was also exceptionally goodlooking. The ship symbolizes survival / voyager. My ex-boyfriend was a really strong Christian 5 years ago but now he behaves and lives like a pagan and an atheist and a pervert... and I'm not sure if I want to date him... I want a relationship with him but without the sex... I hate having pre-marital sex... The beautfiul equation symbolizes the beautiful relationship that we could potentially have... since equations are balanced on both sides, and ying and yang balance each other out (I am submissive and he is dominant) The geological formations: symbolize digging deep into the hearts of man The composition of the rocks symbolize your moral composition... The spill of the rocks symbolize a weakness you have, faltering in times of trouble... That is all I get if you have any more insight let me know...

Answer: How should we know? It's your dream, so you should know all the little meanings because it's your life.

Question: Abrahamic - Pagan Interfaith Dialogue and Politics.? From a Pagan perspective, this dialogue does not seem to offer many benefits. Abrahamic religions operate on an assumption that Christianity/Islam/Judaism has a monopoly on absolute theological truth, and thus any dialogue is going to be stunted or one-sided at best. So, is such a dialogue worthwhile? If dialogue is not possible, should Pagan organisations continue their "marriage of convenience" with secular groups to block Abrahamic encroachment on education, legal issues, and social policy in the UK (or your country, specify which pls)? Should Pagan groups get involved in community and education projects similar to those undertaken by Abrahamic groups to increase their political and social clout? Such clout is backed up by the wealth of Abrhamic religious organisations. Should Pagan groups be less reticient about the need to obtain funding in order to conduct many activities Pagans would like to see carried out. Traditionally, most modern Pagan religious organisations have been loose and often poorly linked to one another, many Pagan paths being explicitly "not organised". Is this model due for revision, or reform, or should it become the defining feature of Pagan paths difference from Abrahamic religions? Pan-pagan alliances. Pagan religions share little in common besides their non-Abrahamic status. Egyptian Recons and Eclectic Wiccans share little philosophical or theological ground. However, we may share pragmatic political ends. Is organisational alliances between pagan faiths doomed to failure, or is it the only way to defend Pagan interests and socio-religious space?

Answer: first of all, jews do not think that they have a monopoly on the truth, and many pagans are already engaged in open dialog with them in R&S. it can be a little lopsided because of the strictness of jewish law, but we as pagans understand this and stand up for them when their abrahamic 'cousins' go on the attack. they stand up for us as well as far as they are able to. in the real world, jews have been in the forefront of efforts to promote religious tolerance and equal rights for all. christian fundies are in denial of the fact that they practice one of our religions, so i don't see a dialog with those sects ever happening and frankly don't care to have one. moderate and liberal christians, on the other hand are quite easy to talk to and work with. i don't know of any muslim who's ever reached out to a pagan or accepted an invitation to communicate. in this case, i also don't care, since i don't see the kind of liberal movement in islam that christianity has had for over a hundred years. many of our traditions will never have an organized presence in the socio-political environment, and the modern pagan movement is too young to have the kind of presence of more established religions. it may come in time. someday, we may have temples that open their doors to the homeless and share their sacrificial feasts with the poor as hindu temples do, but we should allow that to grow organically if we expect it to last. here in the US, pagans ally with established social service organizations to perform the work we want to see done, both in the political and social service areas. we rarely get credit for the work we do like the christian organizations do, but that's not the point. we are major contributors to many of the christian groups. someday, we'll have enough presence in our communities to pull together pagan-specific charities and political action groups, but today isn't that day. we don't need to be hasty. we need to build our communities organically for maximum longevity and let them develop naturally.

Question: What does this dream mean? my dreams are always prophetic...? I shared a house with this beautiful girl Sarah F. She had a fiance who lived in a smaller cottage downstairs... and she excelled in everything that she did. They were Christian so they weren't having sex before marriage... and she was rooming with me instead (a girl) Then We were in a big boat on the waters, the tides came and tried to sweep us over and kill us but because we prayed about it nothing happened to the boat that was sailing in... even though 80 - 95% of the boat was submerged by the waters of the sea at one point in time. Well we were on the boat we were asked by our advisors some academic questions to test out intellectual aptitude... it was a question about rock formation and how certain triggers in the environment such as a spill of rocks would alter the composition of the rocks that remained in their original position and I gave a simple pragmatic anwer to the question that I was asked while Sarah gave began her answer with a really long set of equations with E and some other symbol that looked like Z When I heard her say this... I reacted as if I had just listened to a beautiful song and I began to cry at how beautfiul her equation was.... And today I wake up to read a newspaper that says "mississing 16 year old girl at sea found safe and sound." About the symbols: Sarah F. was a Christian girl in my highschool who excelled and prospered in everything that she did... she always got the highest marks in school and was the epitomy of virtue and moral goodness. She was also exceptionally goodlooking. The ship symbolizes survival / voyager. My ex-boyfriend was a really strong Christian 5 years ago but now he behaves and lives like a pagan and an atheist and a pervert... and I'm not sure if I want to date him... I want a relationship with him but without the sex... I hate having pre-marital sex... The beautfiul equation symbolizes the beautiful relationship that we could potentially have... since equations are balanced on both sides, and ying and yang balance each other out (I am submissive and he is dominant) The geological formations: symbolize digging deep into the hearts of man The composition of the rocks symbolize your moral composition... The spill of the rocks symbolize a weakness you have, faltering in times of trouble... That is all I get if you have any more insight let me know...

Answer: It means the McDouble you had for dinner last night was a little off.

Question: Why Do Atheists Care About Religion? I care because....? The dominant religions teach that only they are right and that any other belief serves their opponent, Satan. Their belief systems hold that those who do not follow that specific belief system are sinful, evil, and immoral. This leads to intolerance, not just of atheists but of people who don't share the same belief system or don't practice it exactly the way they do.People's behavior is affected by their beliefs, sometimes even dictated by their beliefs. If people have beliefs that are different from mine and antithetical to mine, I have a great reason to be concerned. I believe in freedom of expression, human rights for all, freedom of religion, and separation of church and state. These beliefs are the polar opposite of the most visible Christian conservative beliefs.Prejudice against people of other religions, and women often stems from religious belief. White supremacists and other such cults have a religious basis. We are all affected by bigotry, regardless of our belief or absence of belief.Another piece in the puzzle is that, as human beings, atheists are concerned when other human beings are mistreated. There is a visible amount of religiously motivated child abuse in America - people who deny their children medical treatment, people who punish their children physically for perceived sins, people who deny their children an adequate education - all in the name of religion.Because religious people are the majority in the world and some of those religious people try to use the weight of that majority to step on minorities, including atheists, of course atheists are concerned! Of course, people of faith regularly assure one another that God is not responsible for human suffering. But how else can we understand the claim that God is both omniscient and omnipotent? There is no other way, and it is time for sane human beings to own up to this. This is the age-old problem of theodicy, of course, and we should consider it solved. If God exists, either he can do nothing to stop the most egregious calamities or he does not care to. God, therefore, is either impotent or evil. Pious readers will now execute the following pirouette: God cannot be judged by merely human standards of morality. But, of course, human standards of morality are precisely what the faithful use to establish God’s goodness in the first place. And any God who could concern himself with something as trivial as gay marriage, or the name by which he is addressed in prayer, is not as inscrutable as all that. If he exists, the God of Abraham is not merely unworthy of the immensity of creation; he is unworthy even of man. It is interesting to note that the degree of involvement with the supernatural, including religion, is directly proportional to the degree of factual knowledge available to a person. It is perfectly absurd for religious moderates to suggest that a rational human being can believe in God simply because this belief makes him happy, relieves his fear of death or gives his life meaning. The absurdity becomes obvious the moment we swap the notion of God for some other consoling proposition: Imagine, for instance, that a man wants to believe that there is a diamond buried somewhere in his yard that is the size of a refrigerator. No doubt it would feel uncommonly good to believe this. Just imagine what would happen if he then followed the example of religious moderates and maintained this belief along pragmatic lines: When asked why he thinks that there is a diamond in his yard that is thousands of times larger than any yet discovered, he says things like, This belief gives my life meaning,or My family and I enjoy digging for it on Sundays, or I wouldn’t want to live in a universe where there wasn’t a diamond buried in my backyard that is the size of a refrigerator.Clearly these responses are inadequate. Many people find it comforting to believe that someone else is looking out for them, watching over them, and guiding them gently through the path of life. Indeed, life would be so much simpler if someone else were responsible for our destiny, for countering evil with good, and for ensuring that caring people enjoy a comfortable afterlife. Many well-intentioned but misguided people will tell you prayer is the answer to the problems of the world. They'd have you believe that if only you pray often enough and hard enough, you can realize your most precious goals. Unfortunately, this is not reality. The untold suffering throughout the world should be evidence enough that no benevolent creator is watching over us, helping justice and fairness to triumph. People start wars, people abuse children and animals, and there's no deity to prevent that. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you alone are responsible for your own successes and failures. Be an honest person for its own value - not from fear of spending an eternity in hell. Success in life requires hard work and logical thinking, and these are the values you must strive for Ex-muslim young atheist!!!!

Answer: Because the god religions abuse human rights!! Because they are intolerant, hate filled, bigoted and persecuting towards anyone who dare believe even slightly differently to themselves!! Someone has to stand up against the bullying and fight for decency and tolerance or our societies will continue to crumble!! Whilst many Americans claim that America is a shining Christian, moral nation blessed by God they could not be more wrong. The higher rates of belief in and worship of a creator correlate with higher rates of homicide, juvenile and early adult mortality, STD infection rates, teen pregnancy and abortion!! The US is the world’s only prosperous democracy where murder rates are still high!! Rates for gonorrhoea in adolescents in the US are 300 times higher than in less devout democratic countries. America also has uniquely high adolescent and adult syphilis rates, and adolescent abortions!! All the lesser devout nations developed countries are the least dysfunctional!!!

Question: My wife is 6 months pregnant but cant i cant stand her anymore!? I married this Russian woman whom i dated for a year or so! She has a 4 yr son from her first marriage..Need i say that my love for her was so intense that i did not and could not completely know her views about life! I had few reservations regarding her pessimistic outlook but i thought that i was due to traumatic breakup she had with her last husband..I hoped with time she would change!..here we are, she is 6 months into pregnancy and she reveals evryday to me thngs like:; i dont trust man..I dont trust you! ("do u feel that i have betrayed r trust in pas"t, i asked..she replied no..but u can!)..then she says she sees herself as dependent and me as provider!..i objected in the most strongest of terms..and let her know that i did not want such vain bases for our relationship!..she says i m not pragmatic she claims she has seen more of life and had more pain and suffering than me..when i threaten her that our relationship cannot go on these basis she turns cold ans says "i dont care!".you can leave me anytime you want!..i mean i love this woman so much but her pessimism and absurd ideas are driving me crazy!..her attitude is like "i don't care"..and now we have this she had been lying to me about drinking...she has been drinkin regulary..a few days back i caught her with her female friend consuming two pints of beer!..i mean i did not want this baby now..bcoz she was too emotionally disturbed ..she insisted! i resisted for a while but than supported and respected her decision( she even misinterpreted my initial resistance; i was doing it for her convenience but she thought am a kinda man who is thinks "i m not ready yet to take up the responsibility.." i how can one stand such negativity!!) ..recently she has been behaving like a lunatic...each time she drinks, she can consume 3 hard liquor drinks or a litter of Beer! she claims it is safe but by what measure of scientific knowledge this is safe for our child..to make matters worst she neglects me..and disrespects my ideas and feelings she doesn't even utter few words of reassurance ..she says why should she! ..i have reached a point where i cant even spend one further day with her..but than she has my child..i want out but cant..seems my head would explode..can even suggest a way out of the mess iam in!

Answer: Why don`t you stop being such a pompous, petty, creepy, victim and grow a pair! Every sentence in this question is pathetic and repulsive. Get over yourself, treat your wife like a human being, and take responsibility for the child you made. ``i mean i did not want this baby now..bcoz she was too emotionally disturbed ..she insisted! i resisted for a while but than supported and respected her decision( she even misinterpreted my initial resistance; i was doing it for her convenience but she thought am a kinda man who is thinks "i m not ready yet to take up the responsibility.." i how can one stand such negativity!!) .. Honestly! I could vomit.

Question: middle child syndrome? i come from a great family where i have an older brother and a younger sister. my brother is 26 and i am 21... lately i have really been struggling with feeling like i will never measure up to "how great" my brother is. i love him so much and he is a great person... but we are different. he has had a textbook life- college, marriage, great job... i have taken different paths than him. i am an artist and the guy i have been with is not my parents favorite- meanwhile my brothers wife is a gift from heaven according to my parents. i only want the best for my brother. i love him dearly. i just feel so misunderstood and pressured by my parents because they constantly say how great he is and make me out to be confused, emotional and immature...when in reality i am pretty pragmatic and stable. i feel like my friends understand who i really am more than my own family. it hurts. what to do?

Answer: Move forward with your life and be who you are. LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU!! Not your parents. Have a great life because it's only as good as you make it. Don't worry about what they say now your futrure is yours not theirs.

Question: How many men agree with these "signs" that a guy is ready to marry? 1. He's lost his mojo Many commitment friendly men say they tired of the singles scene because they've ‘been there, done that' but when pressed, they'll most likely admit they no longer felt comfortable in their old hangouts, often complaining the bars they used to frequent were ‘full of teenyboppers'. Slippers and pipe at the ready, ladies? 2. He's suffering from ‘dating fatigue' Instead of being excited about being back on the single scene, all he feels is the world-weary numbness and dread of having to go through the whole rigmarole again: meet someone, get to know them, visit their bedroom, look at their photos, meet their friends and family. 3. His mate/his ex gets married Every man dreads being the last one left in the pub - the sad old sod reciting The Fast Show sketches to himself. That's why, when your friends/ex couple up, the pressure's on to follow suit and you realise settling down needn't be the end of life as you know it. For a lot of men, the ultimate wake-up call is seeing your ex with their baby. 4. His beer gut Let's be honest about this. If blokes could carry on sleeping with 22-year-old women well into their mid-40s and not feel stupid, pathetic and sad, most would. But, sadly, the mirror not to mention the ravages of time (and ok then, beer), tells us different. 5. He's had enough of mad birds There comes a point in a man's life when he outgrows those passionate but self-destructive flings with nutty women who had ‘trouble' tattooed on their forehead (or elsewhere) and looks for a ‘normal' relationship. Next stop on the commitment express, marriage and kids. 6. He wants a lifestyle change Sometimes a man's reasons for getting commitment-friendly are more pragmatic than passionate ‘let's live together, it'll save us money! ' Cold, practical and financial, maybe, but it's a step in the right direction, nonetheless. 7. He goes through a personal trauma Never underestimate the importance of bereavement or serious illness in altering the relationship behaviour of a man. Random pleasure-seeking will suddenly look pointless and silly. On the other hand, if a man is in a serious relationship at the time, he may go the other way - ie go travelling, get a tattoo on his bum, shag anything with a pulse... 8. He falls in love There's always the possibility he's simply met someone so droopingly amazing (yes, you!) that he's instantly transported out of his overgrown adolescent lifestyle. "That's it," he says. "I'll never find anyone more perfect, so I'd better not mess this up. Call off the search!" I didn't write these, but when I read then I felt a little bit sad. A few of them imply that men only wish to get married when they can't be bothered to go on dates any more or are beginning to get depressed, which is not a nice thought. Nevertheless it also angered me because we all know that there are a lot of nice guys out there and nowadays men seen to be stereotyped as "alcohol loving sex crazed beings with little to no emotions or feelings whatsoever" which we all know is not the case! So what do you men think? Are these signs true? Are they false? Can you think of any better ones? I'd love to read your answers

Answer: There are many reasons people get married, some are for the right reasons, but some are not...the same goes for women. There have been countless women who settled down with someone because they were worried about being left on the shelf or because someone had money or status.