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Adoptive Parents

Although this term is often used to refer to both parents that are seeking to adopt, and parents that already have adopted, it is probably more commonly used to describe parents that are seeking to adopt, although since many parents will adopt on more than one occasion, they could be both an adoptive parent who has already adopted, and an adoptive parent who is seeking to adopt.

Question: adoptive parents? First of all hi. I think its about time you guys got some questions and adoptees took an interest in how you guys felt with the adoption. I have noticed that the adoptive parents in here get some stick and dont get the chance to open up about adoption, as adoptees only seem to think adoption effects them!! Adoptive parents, How did you feel through the whole adoption process? Were there highs and lows? How did you feel when you baught YOUR child home? I am an adoptee by the way. Not an adoptive parent or thinking about adoption

Answer: First thank you for asking this question, and accept my apology for trying to fit into a Y!A answer what probably would take me a day to tell you. : ) I could go into tons of details about how we met our son's bio-family and how we feel God worked in mysterious ways for us. But I'll try to stick to your questions. The adoption process was a complete roller coaster ride for us. We went from the hell of infertility treatments, to counseling sessions to grieve those lost pregnancies, to a neighbor introducing us to a family who was making an adoption plan for their child. We went from the joy of learning they wanted us to become his parents, to the hell of learning that NJ State DYFS was trying to "reclaim" the child to place him in foster care. NJ DYFS tried to stop our private adoption and our heart broke along with the bio family's. When the bio family took NJ DYFS to court to have a judge grant the bio grandparents custody to proceed with an adoption, we were again on pins & needles until the judge sided with the family. That same afternoon, we signed adoption papers with the bio parents and the bio grandparents (at the suggestion of the family court judge) and were ecstatic that our son would soon be coming home. An hour later, we parted ways with the bio family AND our son - as he was not allowed to cross state lines until the Interstate Compact was approved. We could have stayed in NJ with him in a hotel, but we felt since he had been in his grandparents' care and he had severe medical issues, it was in his best interest to remain in their care around the docs that he had until we brought him home. A week later, we got the call that changed our lives. We could bring our son home. I remember the joy we had driving the 3 hours to pick up our son and the absolute heartbreak we felt as we drove away from the grandparents' house with our son as we had become such good friends with them over the process. I cried for the first hour of the trip - tears of sadness for them, and tears of absolute terror for me as I was realizing I was now a "Mom" and didn't have a clue! :) The ironic thing is that when we got home, there was a message from the grandparents telling us that they were crying tears of joy for their grandson and us - you see, they were adoptive parents too and knew the joy of bringing a child home. So even in their own loss, they were celebrating our joy (you can see why we love them so much). We are blessed that we have a wonderful set of grandparents for our son who have stayed a very huge part of our family. They are great friends, celebrate birthdays and holidays with us - just as our own family does. We often joke that we did not adopt a son but rather a "family". We spend a week every year with them at the beach and love them as much as family. Our son is blessed to have so many people in his life who love him. We are blessed to have our son and his grandparents. We are blessed to be a family. Did our adoption journey have ups? Yes. Did it have downs? Absolutely. Would we do it again? In a heartbeat! Thanks for asking the question.


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